Long term relationships: Do you tone your traits up or down?

[Gaze]

For those who've been in long term relationships or dated people for three years or more, do you find that after being with someone for so long, you tone some of your dominant traits up or down? Or do you find do you become more of who you are or do some of your traits tend to fade out? Do you feel you take on traits you never had before?

 

[Keirouen]

Oh this is so depressing. I can't even answer this question >_<

Though from the many relationships I've seen develop then fall apart over a period of 3+ years, I'd say partners meet somewhere down the middle and compromise in a (hopefully) equal way. Other times one gives up entirely too much of him/herself for the partner.

Unconsciously these couples developed a merged identity to the point where in a few years neither was the same person as before becoming a couple. This can be good/bad/up to interpretation

 

[Gaze]

Oh this is so depressing. I can't even answer this question >_<

Though from the many relationships I've seen develop then fall apart over a period of 3+ years, I'd say partners meet somewhere down the middle and compromise in a (hopefully) equal way. Other times one gives up entirely too much of him/herself for the partner.

Unconsciously these couples developed a merged identity to the point where in a few years neither was the same person as before becoming a couple. This can be good/bad/up to interpretation

I'm curious whether specific traits were toned up or down?

 

[jupiterswoon]

I know in my last relationship dating someone who was logic oriented, I became much more logical, but at the same time more emotional. I tried to cater my style of relating to match his, but then would have emotional outbursts because I wasn't allowed/able to express how I truly felt and have those emotions accepted.

I believe the best relationship is one in which you can learn from the other person, and also garner new strengths. Dating a person who is expressive is the best for me because we can express thoughts/feelings together and enjoy that experience.

 

[PintoBean]

After 10 years of marriage, I am much more comfortable with who I am, so my traits (for better or for worse) come out more strongly. I don't feel the need for compensating behaviors that I used in more superficial relationships to distract from or downplay certain traits (intensity, solitariness etc).

 

[bionic]

Sometimes I feel like I'm not being myself and that I'm expected to be more emotional than I am. Sometimes I feel challenged to be better. But tbh, there are moments where I enjoy the relationship and moments where I really don't.

I think I'm myself most of the time but when I'm not, I feel like I'm lying to myself that I'm someone I'm not.

 

[thirdhalf]

A common healthy thing to happen is to start using/including less dominant traits especially if the types are differing, so its not necessarily that traits are 'toned' up or down its that the dominant traits are still just as dominant and the inferior traits are stronger and more developed then before and thus have slightly greater influence. AKA, balance.

Unhealthy relationships are different entirely and usually involve a lot of ignoring ones true self on several levels of deepness.