Life Plan

[sassafras]

This term likes you.


Positive anticipation would work, but sometimes once we start 'anticipating' at all, the direction it takes is uncontrollable. My process was to try to remove all anticipation entirely.

I had to deliver a presentation recently, and I wasn't nervous until the very moment I had to get up and deliver it. I tried to make that day about other things. Walking to the venue, watching the other presenters, asking pertinent questions and being supportive. In doing that stuff, though, I was already in the room - I wasn't going to escape it, because I was already there. There was background nerves, definitely, but I was doing other stuff anyway.

Then when it was my turn it was like 'OK, I guess it's me then. FUCK IT.' I got hit by a wave of nerves but powered on and focused in on explaining the content I was actually delivering - falling back on my expertise. I thought I did terribly, but I knew I was making sense and people said after that I came across as very confident, engaging and competent (and they wouldn't bs). Part of me knew that, but there's another part that is just totally self-doubting who's blind to reality. I didn't script it for this very reason - so I would have to engage with the ideas consciously in order to explain them. The Q&A afterwards was easy for the same reason - the technical demands of having to actually explain things relegates the other concerns (worrying about being shit).

I saw some people who wrote scripts delivering very nervously because they were just trying to get through it - they were reading, but you could tell that their mind was engaged in a completely different task - worrying. Funnily enough these same people were fine during the actual questions because they were engaged.

So here there's something else which works for me, and that's to make sure that my fucking brain is occupied in actually doing the 'onerous' task I've got to do.

I've experienced what you describe and I agree. When you're focused on what you're doing, you're not self-monitoring and preoccupied with all these internal processes. I think this is why a lot of people say they perform better under stress because they can't escape the situation, there's no time to waste and it's just trusting your instincts to carry you through.

That's the key component, though: self-trust. Those people who were relying on their scripts weren't trusting themselves. You were engaged in the moment because you trusted yourself enough that, no matter what happened, you'd respond to whatever consequences as they happened, when they happened.

As for positive anticipation, it's more like replacing the stick that's freezing you up with a carrot that will entice you to take action.. and also to sooth the anxiety/rumination monster.

 

[Wyote]

This is me every morning basically. Sums up my general life plan.

 

[Asa]

"Decision Inertia" is a great phrase!


I got better at being driven toward goals in my mid 30s. So far there is only one major life goal I haven't achieved and that is my fault. I was right on target and I let my emotions cripple me because two "friends" tried to sabotage me. The goal is happening now, again, but slowly. I am three years off my mark.
My major problem is still making too few life goals. The bottom line with this is that I don't believe in myself, so I avoid making goals that seem too outlandish. I didn't even realize this until recently when I realized if I'd made more goals I'd live a more inspired life.

To avoid what @Wyote mentioned (failure to start) I now give myself a few days to rev my engines as part of the schedule for my project. When I'm trying to start something new I always have a lot of loose energy jolting out everywhere and ideas flying around my head. I need a day to be all over the place before I focus and get to work. Once I get to work it goes smoothly unless I get interrupted.

EDIT for clarity: Being interrupted is a career-long problem and I can get salty about it. During my 30s I learned that I needed to hide from people and slim down my social ties to accomplish life goals. Most of my friends and family tend to believe I don't have a job. I like helping people who need help, but some can have an attitude that I should do things for them that they don't want to fit into their own lives because they're busy. In reality, instead of getting salty, I need a better way of managing this.

Living in the present is impossible. I can't do it. Trying feels like caging my mind and turning off all the taps. It is the most uncomfortable and stifling state to me.

 

[Wyote]

I need a day to be all over the place before I focus and get to work. Once I get to work it goes smoothly unless I get interrupted.

I have recently (in the past six months) integrated a 24hr rule which has been very helpful ^_^

 

[Skarekrow]

Living in the present is impossible. I can't do it. Trying feels like caging my mind and turning off all the taps. It is the most uncomfortable and stifling state to me.

Oh man I feel that frustration.
Been there.
My first psilocybin experience actually forced me to be present for the whole 6 or 7 hours....it was not very pleasant actually in that sense.
But after that I shifted from only being able to meditate for 10 mins to an hour or more.
Of course I have to mention it...it’s all subjective though I know.
Much love to you and let me know if can help.

 

[Daustus]

This is me every morning basically. Sums up my general life plan.

LOL and heartwarming. I need to start doing this with my boys!

 

[Deleted member 16771]

That's the key component, though: self-trust. Those people who were relying on their scripts weren't trusting themselves. You were engaged in the moment because you trusted yourself enough that, no matter what happened, you'd respond to whatever consequences as they happened, when they happened.

Yeah... it definitely seems as if there's such a thing as 'over-preparation'. Attempting to make a task too safe and thereby avoiding the real work of developing confidence. I did see some people go unscripted who lost their train of thought from nerves, &c., but they adapted to the circumstances by owning their mistakes - explaining the problem to the audience and trying again - and you could see those people develop resilience and confidence in real time. And of course, the whole audience is rooting for them anyway (thankfully this isn't a toxic institution, unlike some others I won't mention).

As for positive anticipation, it's more like replacing the stick that's freezing you up with a carrot that will entice you to take action.. and also to sooth the anxiety/rumination monster.

Oh I see, yes - the promise of a reward is an important step in generating the determination/will/desire (volo ergo sum) to actually make a decision in the first place.

So maybe it's only actually when you're going through with it that removing all anticipation - or as the dude in Skare's video said, 'becoming indifferent to outcome' - is wiser.

I think I have trouble with doing this... though I'm getting better. Linking potential positive outcomes to immediate decisions, with the result that I'm just not motivated enough to take the chance.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

This is me every morning basically. Sums up my general life plan.

Adorable. Makes me feel proud on behalf of the parents - good job mom & dad!

My major problem is still making too few life goals. The bottom line with this is that I don't believe in myself, so I avoid making goals that seem too outlandish. I didn't even realize this until recently when I realized if I'd made more goals I'd live a more inspired life.

I'm the same here... there's an element of feeling that I don't 'deserve' certain very good things (e.g. like a holiday) and I don't know where this comes from* or why it has had such a dominant role in my life.

Living in the present is impossible. I can't do it. Trying feels like caging my mind and turning off all the taps. It is the most uncomfortable and stifling state to me.

Hmm, that's different. For me it's usually a pleasurable experience, to actually get lost in the moment, because it's so rare. Usually this happens during a good conversation, though, so maybe my mind is engaged enough not to feel stifled.


EDIT: *Who am I kidding, I know exactly where it comes from

 

[TheFool]

I once had a plan, like everybody else has and it did not turn out how I thought it would. Then I stopped to make plans.

Sounds silly but if you think about it the only “thing” between you and being present here and now is that “PLAN”. What is this plan that we all refer to? Well, it is not a thing nor a single thought but a need to fill an empty gap that we feel within us for not truly being that what / which we truly are.

I used to be ambitious and wanted to achieve some more advanced state in my life. Went on dreaming how I could build companies and bursted with new innovations. But once I reached that state of mind which could be described as “clarity” or 4K HD -mode, all those plans I used to create and dream of seemed so silly and juvenile.

After that realization my life seemed perfect as it is. I decided to cut down my working hours and focused on my personal economy. I made an investment strategy to buy some land and to build a self-sufficient home where I could live more freely. I no more had to work and earn money to spend it on silly things or pay off some debts but instead I could choose to work because I love to create and build things with my hands. I did not have to be a manager or CEO to feel myself worthy of something. Just by being a carpenter my life seemed to have a purpose and meaning. I work as little as possible so that I can enjoy and experience life as much as possible.

My main plan now is to have as few musts and plans as possible in my life so that I have plenty of time to do what ever I feel like doing. It does not have to mean huge expenses. Just more time to be spent with my friends, family, loved ones and foremost with myself.

Food, clothes, shelter and art. That is all I need to feel content and happy.

 

[Daustus]

Sounds like peace. I could use more of that.

 

[Infjente]

My main problem is just starting shit. Yesterday I made a comment about how literally everything is so fucking easy, but I just never start.
Once I do though, hah! Look the fuck out.

Same.

 

[Pin]

What about you?

Well...

What are your tricks to planning, living in the moment and achieving goals?

Goals:
When I was younger, I got used to thinking in terms of decades.

20s: complete education, start military service, get motorcycle license.

30s: continue military service, get married, start a family, enter politics

40s-50s:

Spoiler

Living in the moment:
I exercise, drive fast, watch movies, and read books.

What are your weaknesses in this realm?

When I start working it's hard for me to stop.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Well...
Goals:
When I was younger, I got used to thinking in terms of decades.

20s: complete education, start military service, get motorcycle license.

30s: continue military service, get married, start a family, enter politics

40s-50s:

Spoiler

Living in the moment:
I exercise, drive fast, watch movies, and read books.


When I start working it's hard for me to stop.

Lol

 

[dragulagu]

Not originally mine but here is a "general shortlist" which I tend to follow on a situation:

- Analyse, accept and acknowledge the situation
- Identify the negatives in this situation (eg. the issues in the situation, tracing back why the situation happened or is as it is)
- Reframe the issues from a negative point of view to a positive one (eg. finding the opportunities in this situation -> turning the negatives into positives -> growth)
- Write down an action plan for the situation
- Execute the action plan step by step -> progress

The underlying point is to see your action plan as something to develop on/from. It is easy being stuck on step 1 and 2 on the shortlist and
not taking it further to step 3, but that is essential (together with step 4 and 5 off course).

And a final tip: limit your life goals or plans to a fixed set of plans so you don't overspend your time trying to do all of them at the same time (at least, I have this tendency, so just giving this advice from my point of view as what not to do).

The thing is, when you're in your head, the possibilities are endless. It's a blank screen that you can write on and backspace until the end of eternity and never get anywhere. But when you engage with your environment and the outside world, there are consequences to which you must immediately respond. It locks you into a certain trajectory that may have some wiggle room, in terms of the decisions you can make, but not so much wiggle room that you're perpetually indecisive. The only way to move forward is decision--> action --> consequence --> decision ---> action---> consequence--> decision... which naturally breaks a lot of the stuck thought loops that trip most people up.

+1

Positive anticipation would work, but sometimes once we start 'anticipating' at all, the direction it takes is uncontrollable. My process was to try to remove all anticipation entirely.

+1

 

[flower]

My main problem is just starting shit. Yesterday I made a comment about how literally everything is so fucking easy, but I just never start.
Once I do though, hah! Look the fuck out.

Lolol, this!

I once had a plan, like everybody else has and it did not turn out how I thought it would. Then I stopped to make plans.

Sounds silly but if you think about it the only “thing” between you and being present here and now is that “PLAN”. What is this plan that we all refer to? Well, it is not a thing nor a single thought but a need to fill an empty gap that we feel within us for not truly being that what / which we truly are.

I used to be ambitious and wanted to achieve some more advanced state in my life. Went on dreaming how I could build companies and bursted with new innovations. But once I reached that state of mind which could be described as “clarity” or 4K HD -mode, all those plans I used to create and dream of seemed so silly and juvenile.

After that realization my life seemed perfect as it is. I decided to cut down my working hours and focused on my personal economy. I made an investment strategy to buy some land and to build a self-sufficient home where I could live more freely. I no more had to work and earn money to spend it on silly things or pay off some debts but instead I could choose to work because I love to create and build things with my hands. I did not have to be a manager or CEO to feel myself worthy of something. Just by being a carpenter my life seemed to have a purpose and meaning. I work as little as possible so that I can enjoy and experience life as much as possible.

My main plan now is to have as few musts and plans as possible in my life so that I have plenty of time to do what ever I feel like doing. It does not have to mean huge expenses. Just more time to be spent with my friends, family, loved ones and foremost with myself.

Food, clothes, shelter and art. That is all I need to feel content and happy.

Also THIS! I don't have much to add, I think the same about own life goals. ^-^ Being content and grateful for what I already have and live a simple life.

 

[worthy]

I'm wondering what kinds of "life goals" people are thinking about here.

I have come to the realization that I cannot work on all of my life goals at the same pace at the same time. Some of them are on hold while I get a handle on others. Most of my goals are either dictated by or complicated by stuff life has thrown at me, or by my way of reflexively responding to those challenges, but I didn't just sit down and say, hmm, let's see, in what lovely way will I build my life? Life is complicated and I'm working with stuff that's half-built already, and not necessarily in the most clever or efficient way.

• My primary goals right now are to thrive physically and financially.
• On the way to thriving financially, I need to work on thriving professionally, which I'm moving quickly ahead with.
• I need to make more money and pay down debt. But I just consolidated that debt under a lower interest rate and I feel like that is progress.
• Short-term, thriving physically, I want to move my body more often starting today, improve my eating habits overall, and climb a particular mountain at least three more times before the end of the summer.
• I want to develop more discipline in the areas of interest where I want to improve, especially where personal growth makes me happy.
• I want to get a handle on this phenomenon of "overwhelm" that takes over my life far too often -- what is it, how can I conquer it, how can I minimize it.
• And I still need to raise two more children successfully to adulthood, meaning they are healthy, happy, and capable of being self-sufficient. Target for that is within the next 4 years.
• And then retirement is looming, and I have no retirement plan or funding, but once the kids are raised and the homeschooling is done, I will be available to work more hours and earn more money, and so I'm intending a fairly intensely targeted catch-up plan for that, eventually.
• I'm also working on continuing to improve my relationship with my social anxiety.
• Oh, and learn to not hate dogs. Like the neighbor's dog that is barking outside my window as I type. Stresses me out.
• And prioritize my self-care, and communicate my needs, and continue to strive for health in all of my relationships.
• And help my neighborhood community thrive.
• Use less fossil fuels, but honestly, that's on hold until the teens are grown. Too much driving and not enough time. I think I'll get a cargo bike eventually.
• Grow more of my own food. On hold this year as I've needed to focus on other things. My garden is full of weeks. There is always next year.
• To live by my values and enjoy my life. And not worry if I actually meet my goals, but embrace the process as the more important part of the equation.

By some measures, I've already met some of my life goals:

• I am a parent
• I was married for many years
• I drive a paid-off car
• I own a house I like (the part the bank doesn't own, but still)
• I recovered from bankruptcy and foreclosure to be able to get a mortgage so I could own that house
• I recovered from divorce and am emotionally healed and healthy
• I have lots and lots of the right kind of music in my life
• I live in the state I always wanted to live in
• I spent a year living in a specific country that I wanted to live in
• I have many friends. I think I'm quite popular, not that it matters to anyone but my inner child.
• I heat my house with wood (yay, woodstove!)
• I have a college degree
• I have a lifestyle that is flexible in specific ways
  
• I have a satisfying social life

If nothing else, I found that inventory helpful...

 

[Sandie33]

FUCK IT.'

Lets have a beer with the awesome pizza imma make

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Lets have a beer with the awesome pizza imma make

Mrs Sandie

 

[Sandie33]

Mrs Sandie

I take it you didn't catch the metaphor?

 

[Deleted member 16771]

I take it you didn't catch the metaphor?

Probably not, lol. Explain me, Sands!