Introvert on introvert relationships | INFJ Forum

Introvert on introvert relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Eniko, Sep 23, 2009.

Share This Page

More threads by Eniko
  1. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Threads:
    32
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    How does this work? It's driving me slightly off the wall!

    There's a girl I like. I know she likes me too. Let's not go into the "how do you know?" thing, because I know. But I can't seem to talk to her. Of course I've only hung out with her in person once and that was surrounded by all her friends so I naturally was not very comfortable and social.

    I'm trying to get more face time, without friends being around, but it's rather slow going. Meanwhile online is all I've got to go on, and she's just... not very responsive. We both initiate conversations on MSN, but they wind up not going anywhere. Maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe she's scared of me, I don't know. It's just not working.

    And it's incredibly annoying. How does this work? Is it possible to like someone you just can't talk to, or is this normal and will it go away? I don't really wanna waste time crushing on someone I can't verbally communicate with.

    Then last night I was complaining to our mutual friend about how unresponsive she was on MSN and he's like "she's probably just tired, damn, I was about to start a discussion with her about Putin's pan-asiatic policies". And I'm like "wut!?" and find out that, no, that's not a joke and they really talk about stuff like that. Which means she has depth (hey, I was starting to wonder okay?) she's just not showing it to me.

    I just don't understand. This is why I prefer extroverts.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  2. Duty

    Duty Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2008
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,069
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    119
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTP
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    I used to do this too, and the problem was that I was so afraid of the other party not liking me or of having nothing in common that I didn't reveal any of myself. So, the conversation was shallow and uninteresting as an effect.

    Get around this by just putting yourself out there. Revealing yourself is a very extroverted trait, but learning master it in appropriate times is a good self-growth project. So basically, learn some extroversion here.


    Besides, if they don't like you for you or you don't have anything in common, do you really still want to pursue this relationship?



    Maybe your reasons are different and so none of this applies, but that was my experience.
     
  3. OP
    Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Threads:
    32
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Sounds more like what she's doing than what I'm doing, especially after what my friend said ("oops I said too much since if you think she doesn't have depth she's probably not showing you because she's afraid she'll scare you off"). Regardless, let's assume she is doing this. What would be a good way to get around/through that kind of defense?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  4. Duty

    Duty Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2008
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    1,069
    Featured Threads:
    1
    Likes Received:
    119
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTP
    Enneagram:
    5w4
    Show her that there is nothing she could say that would disappoint you. Make her as psychologically comfortable as possible.

    But that's likely to lead to a sage/student relationship too.
     
  5. BenW

    Banned

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2009
    Threads:
    47
    Messages:
    971
    Likes Received:
    94
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INTP
    Ramble on about things that interest you.
    Videogames, books, movies, hobbies, interests, science, math, physics, evolutionary biology, whatever...

    If she's interested in talking, eventually she'll change the topic. :)
     
  6. OP
    Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Threads:
    32
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Hmm, well that sounds like what I've been trying to do hoping she'll open up a bit more. Guess if it's that, I'll just need to be patient.

    Honestly maybe she's just scared of me. We almost dated in the past and she freaked, and a few months ago said it was basically fear of commitment. If you don't date, you can't lose a friendship, and all that? But if it's that I can't do anything either, besides try and approach slowly and cautiously in the hopes she won't bolt again.

    Though I'm not sure if it is that. She didn't seem afraid of me when we hung out.
    I'm bad at that when someone barely responds. It makes me feel stupid. :/
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  7. Zero Angel

    Zero Angel Permanent Fixture

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2008
    Threads:
    19
    Messages:
    958
    Likes Received:
    66
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Enneagram:
    Possibly 4w5
    Yea, but is a friendship rife with sexual tension one worth keeping? I mean, are you enjoying it right now in its current state?
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  8. OP
    Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
    Donor

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Threads:
    32
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    51
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    Well I'm not the one saying that, she is. I think after she freaked we haven't been at all close and have been more attracted acquaintances than friends, so there was nothing to ever really lose in the first place!
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
  9. Alkali Regnant

    Alkali Regnant Regular Poster

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2009
    Threads:
    8
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    MBTI:
    INFJ
    There do seem to be periods of downtime in talking or maybe just the occasional one word replies, but overall as an introvert dating an introvert I think it may actually be better. Sometimes time alone in quiet is nice.
    I would just look out for conversations being dropped in the middle. If it's near the end then yes, it's fine.
     
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to expand...
    Blind Bandit likes this.
Loading...

Share This Page