INTJ and INFJ friends or foes?

[Lisabeth]

I'm and INFJ female and my friend is an INTJ male. We have know each other for close to four years. We have fought many battles...many. Some battles have been pretty extreme i.e. him telling me that he was going to turn everyone against me and make them hate me in are social circle so I would know what it feels like to be alone after rejecting his romantic advancements. Which he did successfully through manipulation, character assassination, outright lies and distortions. I of course could not justify fighting back due to morals, values, and consideration of him despite what he was doing. We go back and forth...friends, not friends..etc. I tend to forgive very easily. I try to see the good...although I tend to buy the lie a lot because it's hard for me to grasp the idea that there are people that lack a conscience and don't feel empathy. The kicker is he is fun to be around. I feel like I can truely be laid back and somewhat myself around him. So when it's good...he's just different...when it's bad..he's a psychotic sociopath without a soul. So what the hell is it with INTJs and their relationships with INFJ?

 

[barbad0s]

You can't really create a solid hypothesis that many other INTJs and INFJs are "foes" based on your sole experience with this person. Imo type's role in the quality of relationships is extremely limited and should only be used as one facet to speculate upon.

 

[Faye]

Are you sure he is INTJ? What you just described sounds like ENFP, not INTJ. They both have Fi and Te as two of their three dominant functions (and both are judging functions).

I have a really hard time imaging an INTJ rousing a group of people against someone with character assassination. ENFPs on the other hand: well, it is their second nature when they are angry. INTJs might lack empathy by INFJ standards (while they think we are too sensitive), but they never lack conscience.

 

[barbad0s]

Thx bro

 

[InvisibleJim]

Foes

 

[mooseman]

In my experience, the recognition of the other person being Ni dominant goes above all else. (Whether you know the the MBTI lingo or not.)

Friends. We come from the same planet.

 

[This]

Friends, foes, rivals, lovers.

 

[Lisabeth]

Interesting...well he says he tested INTJ twice. He has a past of liking woman who have no interest in him and has clung on to them for dear life even though the signs are obvious and clear statements are made using manipulation and complete unhinges at a sign the object of affection is leaving. That led me to be too concerned of hurting him to do what was best for me. That is what happened with me. He has deep hatred and disgust for the world and lacks any social skills and absolutely hates authority and rules. He has a deep need for attention, good or bad and is prone to some major delusions. He has low self esteem emotionally but sees himself intellectually superior to all. His reality is gravely diatorted although he can't see it. He completely lacks self awareness and is quick to blame others never looking at himself or his own actions. He is very selfish and every situation and how he sees it is indicative of that. It's like he can't see past his nose and every perception is distorted by that. I don't know if he really believes his sequences of events or views or if it's an issue of needing to always be right or win. Very emotionally disturbed with delusions of grandeur. Could that be an unbalanced INTJ or just a indivative of a severe personality disorder? How do personality disorders play in a type or is the type indicative of the disorder or attributes?

 

[Reon]

Interesting...well he says he tested INTJ twice. He has a past of liking woman who have no interest in him and has clung on to them for dear life even though the signs are obvious and clear statements are made using manipulation and complete unhinges at a sign the object of affection is leaving. That led me to be too concerned of hurting him to do what was best for me. That is what happened with me. He has deep hatred and disgust for the world and lacks any social skills and absolutely hates authority and rules. He has a deep need for attention, good or bad and is prone to some major delusions. He has low self esteem emotionally but sees himself intellectually superior to all. His reality is gravely diatorted although he can't see it. He completely lacks self awareness and is quick to blame others never looking at himself or his own actions. He is very selfish and every situation and how he sees it is indicative of that. It's like he can't see past his nose and every perception is distorted by that. I don't know if he really believes his sequences of events or views or if it's an issue of needing to always be right or win. Very emotionally disturbed with delusions of grandeur. Could that be an unbalanced INTJ or just a indivative of a severe personality disorder? How do personality disorders play in a type or is the type indicative of the disorder or attributes?

I'm...um...to put it simply: this seems like a person who might be an INTJ with a personality disorder (doubt it) or he might just be unbalanced person. If I were you, I'd look for help as well...at the very least, you come off as codependent. If you can honestly describe someone as sociopathic, what does that make you to hang off with him consistently?

 

[Lisabeth]

Hahaha right on. I'm part of a group of people in which about 70 percent afflicted are a combination of sociopaths and narcissists. In my area it seems to be that the concentration is a lot higher...very high. I have to coexist with them and being an INFJ is tough. I have yet to meet anyone like me for the past four years. The premise is to alter one's personality and change behaviors. I personally think it is impossible to do that. Of course I don't have to hang out with him personally, but my inquisitive mind and need to understand has led me into trouble. Well my prior sentence says it all.

 

[technics]

I'm okay with INFJ. They're good souls.

 

[Lea]

I'm...um...to put it simply: this seems like a person who might be an INTJ with a personality disorder (doubt it) or he might just be unbalanced person. If I were you, I'd look for help as well...at the very least, you come off as codependent. If you can honestly describe someone as sociopathic, what does that make you to hang off with him consistently?

I agree with Reon you need to look at yourself rather than him!

 

[technics]

I try to see the good ... So what the hell is it with INTJs and their relationships with INFJ?

Is it that you try to see the good or you don't want to see the bad? If you don't take people in their entirety your reactions towards them will always be wrong. And personality types are no excuse for bad manners.

 

[Renaissance]

Take care of your self and find one who want's to help you with that

I'm and INFJ female and my friend is an INTJ male. We have know each other for close to four years. We have fought many battles...many. Some battles have been pretty extreme i.e. him telling me that he was going to turn everyone against me and make them hate me in are social circle so I would know what it feels like to be alone after rejecting his romantic advancements. Which he did successfully through manipulation, character assassination, outright lies and distortions. I of course could not justify fighting back due to morals, values, and consideration of him despite what he was doing. We go back and forth...friends, not friends..etc. I tend to forgive very easily. I try to see the good...although I tend to buy the lie a lot because it's hard for me to grasp the idea that there are people that lack a conscience and don't feel empathy. The kicker is he is fun to be around. I feel like I can truely be laid back and somewhat myself around him. So when it's good...he's just different...when it's bad..he's a psychotic sociopath without a soul. So what the hell is it with INTJs and their relationships with INFJ?

You also need it to be someone who wants to and can benifit from your efforts to be supportive to them. Perhaps a support group is'nt always the best source to find romance, yet you may find a way towards some emotional healing and growth. Check out ACA.org...That's Adult Children of Alcohlics-And-Other Dysfunctional Families.That seems to take in,at least-90% of the U.S. population. I'm finding people are surprised (pleasantly) to find out how progessive and growth oriented it is. Take care of yourself: You're the one person most-responsible for doing that...(-=

 

[not sure]

One of my closest relationships was with an INFJ. It was very strange how well we got along. Even when we argued it didn't feel like a quarrel. We've hurt each other but never deliberately. I'm INTJ and sometimes I do create elaborate plans for revenge but I don't carry them out especially against friends. Even a lost friendship deserves to be honoured. I won't maintain relationships with people who carry out vengeful acts against myself. I will not retaliate but I won't have anything to do with you beyond what is absolutely necessary. Self-preservation above all else.

Frankly, your friend doesn't sound friendly.

 

[Relm]

My husband is an INTJ, albeit a pretty mature one (well, most of the time =P)... IMO the combination of our two personalities (allowing of course for our individual variations and levels of growth!) is a wonderful one.... very calming, we love living together and spending time together. With us it's interesting in that we tend to agree/arrive at the same conconclusions on issues, but he "thinks" his way to them, while I "feel" my way. While he doesn't show empathy in the squishy emotional way I do, he is quite sensitive and in-tune, especially to me. I'm never in question that at his core he is well meaning and loving.

Frankly, your friend doesn't sound friendly.

Agreed.

 

[Lerxst]

I'm and INFJ female and my friend is an INTJ male. We have know each other for close to four years. We have fought many battles...many. Some battles have been pretty extreme i.e. him telling me that he was going to turn everyone against me and make them hate me in are social circle so I would know what it feels like to be alone after rejecting his romantic advancements. Which he did successfully through manipulation, character assassination, outright lies and distortions. I of course could not justify fighting back due to morals, values, and consideration of him despite what he was doing. We go back and forth...friends, not friends..etc. I tend to forgive very easily. I try to see the good...although I tend to buy the lie a lot because it's hard for me to grasp the idea that there are people that lack a conscience and don't feel empathy. The kicker is he is fun to be around. I feel like I can truely be laid back and somewhat myself around him. So when it's good...he's just different...when it's bad..he's a psychotic sociopath without a soul. So what the hell is it with INTJs and their relationships with INFJ?

Don't think you can accurately judge any one group when your example, as you mention, has "issues". This sounds more like a psychological problem with him than an issue with the overall type.

 

[Reon]

Hahaha right on. I'm part of a group of people in which about 70 percent afflicted are a combination of sociopaths and narcissists. In my area it seems to be that the concentration is a lot higher...very high. I have to coexist with them and being an INFJ is tough. I have yet to meet anyone like me for the past four years. The premise is to alter one's personality and change behaviors. I personally think it is impossible to do that. Of course I don't have to hang out with him personally, but my inquisitive mind and need to understand has led me into trouble. Well my prior sentence says it all.

Ehrm. Okay. I'm not trying to be rude but it seems like you're seeking them out rather than having a bigger number of sociopaths and narcissists (unless you're applying this term at your discretion and whims). Existing with them is fine but being friends with someone who will undoubtedly hurt seems intellectually and emotionally stupid/irrational. I've met individuals like me, it was coo. I met people who were unlike me, it was coo too. I don't think it's impossible to change how people perceive your personality or what your personality is but I think it's best to be authentic and real to yourself. And your inquisitiveness and your curiosity will get you hurt; it also gives off the vibe that you don't really care about your faux friend either, you just seem him as a problem, something to be solved. Idunno. Something just seems odd.

 

[Lisabeth]

You also need it to be someone who wants to and can benifit from your efforts to be supportive to them. Perhaps a support group is'nt always the best source to find romance, yet you may find a way towards some emotional healing and growth. Check out ACA.org...That's Adult Children of Alcohlics-And-Other Dysfunctional Families.That seems to take in,at least-90% of the U.S. population. I'm finding people are surprised (pleasantly) to find out how progessive and growth oriented it is. Take care of yourself: You're the one person most-responsible for doing that...(-=

The group I was talking about is AA

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Is he the only INTJ you know?