influence of others on personality | INFJ Forum

influence of others on personality

Gaze

Gaze

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Does your personality change when you're with people of varying personality types? It sometimes seems that depending on our personality, our sense of self sometimes changes or adapts to the personality with whom we are interacting. For example, compared to my mom and friend (both ISFJs), I will always feel more dominant or feel more outspoken compared to my dad/cousin (INTJ/ISTJ). Would probably be the same with ENTJs/ESTJs. I think because those types appear to have a natural confidence. As a supposed INFP, how passive or aggressive depends on who I am with. I am not someone who finds it easy to be the same regardless of who I am often depends on who I am interacting with. My sense of self will often adjust depending on what kind of personality someone has.
 
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I can't be the same with everyone either. I do feel that my personality is somewhat fluid and it very much depends on the kind of energy I am getting from who I interact with. My husband recently commented that I don't act the same around everyone. Some people I feel a lot more emotional freedom with and others I feel that I need hide from. Some people I know I can be loud and crazy around. I think that I could appear differently almost wildly so depending on who I am with.

I wonder if this is something a lot of INFPs notice?
 
Jill Hives said:
I can't be the same with everyone either. I do feel that my personality is somewhat fluid and it very much depends on the kind of energy I am getting from who I interact with. My husband recently commented that I don't act the same around everyone. Some people I feel a lot more emotional freedom with and others I feel that I need hide from. Some people I know I can be loud and crazy around. I think that I could appear differently almost wildly so depending on who I am with.

I wonder if this is something a lot of INFPs notice?
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Yeah, I was starting to wonder whether it was an INFP thing. Food for thought.
 
Yes! Around people I know well and am comfortable with, I tend to be very dominant, outgoing, goofy, talkative, etc. Everyone else, it depends on the energy I get from them and their personality and my behavior can range anywhere between quiet and withdrawn to what I described above; almost like having multiple personalities, minus the whole mental illness thing, lol.
 
It has to. There's too many emotional gradients when socializing to remain in one personality posture for long. I mean, my core personality doesn't change but the ratio of consistent traits certainly do. As in: I'm not tackling people for fun at a funeral nor am I talking about my childhood fears at a rap concert. But I still always draw my identity, beliefs and values from my own internal sense of self. If that makes sense.
 
My personality doesn't change but my behavior does. People who know me well always tell me you are completely different around people you don't know. I'm very open with people I know well and distant around people I don't know. I'm like an onion, you have to peel back a layer at a time. I'm one of those people that takes a long time to get to know.
 
It's been my personal experience that my personality influences that of those around me much more often then theirs does mine. Especially the females, as they tend to quickly emulate.

Maybe this is why I don't have a lot of female friends. I seem to only gravitate towards genuine similarities and admirable differences.





..I feel like I said something I shouldn't have said. I also feel like [MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION] would understand what I am trying to say.
 
Odyne said:
It's been my personal experience that my personality influences that of those around me much more often then theirs does mine. Especially the females, as they tend to quickly emulate.

Maybe this is why I don't have a lot of female friends. I seem to only gravitate towards genuine similarities and admirable differences.





..I feel like I said something I shouldn't have said. I also feel like [MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION] would understand what I am trying to say.
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Oh yes, this is my experience as well. I can adapt to other people but I choose not to. I will only adapt if it makes sense to me to do so and will cause me to improve something about myself. Otherwise it is other people who adapt to me, both male and female.

I find that I do not carry many female friends with me for that reason. There's a level of closeness that can't be achieved because our priorities and opinions are so vastly different. It's not even about having a different viewpoint, it's that the depth and level of perception is so far off that I cannot relate to them and I can't get on a more shallow wavelength for the sake of keeping up a conversation.

I tend to gravitate towards females who have a strong, assertive and more "male" energy as friends because even if we disagree or there's a difference in opinion, we can still respect and understand each other.

As for men, I find that I deal with them a lot easier but they don't really know how to interpret me most of the time because I don't emulate typical female behaviour. It makes for interesting conversation.
 
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I hadn't noticed it before but what [MENTION=1579]Odyne[/MENTION] posted is very true of how some people react around me. Very animated people are usually more professional and serious. I also find opinionated people more reserved around me than most.

When I was young I changed the way I acted to fit in and avoid bullying. I think I've broken this habit, for the most part.
 
I'm often not concerned with being a consistent person. I find I'm pretty adaptable to the moods and personalities of others. People may find that I behave slightly inconsistently, but I do it to fit in with other people and to smooth things over between people; to ensure group harmony.
 
I am a camelian 100 percent. I change the second I'm around some one or in some other place. It's a little hard to get to know me. But that's who I am. When I'm at home I'm a good ball when I'm at work I am the most precessional guy in the room. Ever situation every encounter is different. I have fun with it but I do feel very drained at the end of the day
 
I feel different energies from people, but I don't think my behaviour changes in any substantial way. It has more to do with the mood they are in and the mood I am in.
 
my personality is the same, regardless of who i am with. my behaviour however may change. i may be less or more of one of my personality traits in any given situation.
everyone who interacts with me gets the 'same ingredients', but perhaps a slightly different recipe lol
 
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JGirl said:
my personality is the same, regardless of who i am with. my behaviour however may change. i may be less or more of one of my personality traits in any given situation.
everyone who interacts with me gets the 'same ingredients', but perhaps a slightly different recipe lol
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I think this may be somewhat true for me too. As an example, if someone humours my craziness, I will do moar.
 
Is this talking about short term influence, or long term influence?

As far as short term, I guess you can say I have a drastic inclination to adapt. It takes a significant amount of awareness and constraint to NOT adapt, because at the same time I also know that-- a certain kind of consistency ought to be achieved in regards to socializing. (As in, if I act kind to one, cold to another, and whiny on another person, people will wonder.)

However, as with [MENTION=4855]JGirl[/MENTION] it is more in terms of behavior. And as far as behavior are concerned it feels more like 'showing a part of me that fits best with them', rather than becoming exactly someone like them.
It's not always working; I'm really bad with STs, but it's there.
I noticed my form of adaptation tend to be reactive and mirroring when I'm being in my best. As in, I'm SQUEE SQUEE EEE AAAAAAH when you are, and I'm augh noooo why AAAAGH D: when you are. In that sense, the influence you might have on me is one of a mirror, or in some cases an idol.

I'm learning not to adapt, to present a single take on my personality, but then at other times I also noticed that to a certain degree, people influence each other.

To a certain degree, people expect other people to be influenced by their own words, actions, behaviors; it's a potential manipulative tool. >_<
 
I have found the best adjective to describe my overall behavior would be mercurial. I don't really temper my personality per se according to the individuals around me, but like others, according to the situation. I find that there is an inner devil inside me that adores to just poke or shock people that I am unable to contain, unless I absolutely muzzle my internal self. I can understand what [MENTION=1579]Odyne[/MENTION] and [MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION] have posted. I find that when I really want to, I can dominate a mood or situation. If I'm upset or angry, it tends to make people flee or avoid me, but luckily, my mood doesn't stay that way for hours at end. I am fairly personable and easily adaptable to almost any social situation. If I am quiet and withdrawn it usually means I am bored senseless and am having some kind of grand adventure inside my head. I tend to try and relate to people as they are rather than assume they should adapt to me. I find it makes me more successful and able to navigate social situations. It is very important to Natives to adhere to certain social norms, and I am much more reserved during traditional functions, as is proper. There is a definite training in my upbringing between formal social situations and informal social situations. I find that it has helped me identify the nature of a conversation/mood/temper of all individuals that I deal with and enables me to easily adapt to the personality at hand with the facet of my personality that best fits.
 
HeartLess said:
I have found the best adjective to describe my overall behavior would be mercurial. I don't really temper my personality per se according to the individuals around me, but like others, according to the situation. I find that there is an inner devil inside me that adores to just poke or shock people that I am unable to contain, unless I absolutely muzzle my internal self. I can understand what [MENTION=1579]Odyne[/MENTION] and [MENTION=7838]SpecialEdition[/MENTION] have posted. I find that when I really want to, I can dominate a mood or situation. If I'm upset or angry, it tends to make people flee or avoid me, but luckily, my mood doesn't stay that way for hours at end. I am fairly personable and easily adaptable to almost any social situation. If I am quiet and withdrawn it usually means I am bored senseless and am having some kind of grand adventure inside my head. I tend to try and relate to people as they are rather than assume they should adapt to me. I find it makes me more successful and able to navigate social situations. It is very important to Natives to adhere to certain social norms, and I am much more reserved during traditional functions, as is proper. There is a definite training in my upbringing between formal social situations and informal social situations. I find that it has helped me identify the nature of a conversation/mood/temper of all individuals that I deal with and enables me to easily adapt to the personality at hand with the facet of my personality that best fits.
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What you describe is what I am trying to learn. The dominant side of my personality is always fighting to express itself in all situations but I am trying to learn to tone that down to meet people where they are. I used to use the dominant part of my personality to assert control but also as a means to keep a distance between myself and others. I am trying to curb that and be more open. I find it challening. Mostly in a work setting.
 
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I spend a great deal of time at work networking. Going around, just chatting with people, asking them about their lives and generally making a connection. I listen to what they have to say about their lives and their jobs. I hear all the good gossip, keep my ear to the Indian Grapevine. When I was a union steward, I would hear a lot more but even today, I am still wired into the whole thing. I find that people appreciate the moments to just talk without me being there for a specific need. It is like insulting in a way to just bother to talk to someone when you need something anyway...I know that annoys me. When someone comes in all nice nice for no reason and tries to chit chat...I'm usually like...cut to the chase. I tend to allow others to just be who they are and adapt myself accordingly when I do this socialization. I find that it isn't too onerous to spend a few minutes just letting someone talk to you to build some goodwill. As a work strategy, it is very successful. I will either actually plan a day around wandering around talking to various people or surprisingly, people manage to gravitate toward my office and whether I want to or not, I spend most of the day talking. Besides, if you don't expand your own idea of who another person is outside your own short-sided and skewed perception, you won't ever learn to be more in tune with the Other.
 
I can relate to what you`ve both described. I would love to chat with you gals and talk about this sometime.
Maybe a TinyChat evening with drinks, laughs and much reflection. :)
 
I'm fluid with a lot of variance, but I have some traits that don't generally change, such as not talking much.

It's not entirely determined by who I'm around as I will be different with the same people, or the same with different people. I'll adapt how I treat people to some extent according to their needs, though.
 
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