INFJs - Dating vs. Long Term/Marriage . . . ? | INFJ Forum

INFJs - Dating vs. Long Term/Marriage . . . ?

Gaze

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So, a number of INFJs on the forum talk about dating other types and a few mention experiences in long term relationships or marriage, but what is the difference in your experience?

In other words, what is the difference between dating an INFJ and being in a long term relationship with them or marrying one?

Or vice versa - INFJs, how are you when dating vs. long term relationships or marriage?
 
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Aren't dating and long term relationship synonymous in an INFJ's book?
 
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Aren't dating and long term relationship synonymous in an INFJ's book?

Yes, and no. Yes, in that there's a tendency to date with a view to establishing a long term relationship or marriage, and no because I doubt the experience is the same for everyone, which is why I'm posing the question.

I won't assume everyone's experience is the same; wouldn't want to lump everyone in the same category.

How we are in relationships has more to do with our experiences with different types or different people.

And we are still individuals, even if we're all INFJs.

So, what I'm referring to is not the nature of the relationship, but the experience . . . (hope this makes sense)
 
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Okay. But I was being sarcastic.
 
So, a number of INFJs on the forum talk about dating other types and a few mention experiences in long term relationships or marriage, but what is the difference in your experience?

In other words, what is the difference between dating an INFJ and being in a long term relationship with them or marrying one?

Or vice versa - INFJs, how are you when dating vs. long term relationships or marriage?

I tend to get attached very very easily, I can give my heart away too easily, which has led me to be more protective and picky. I wont tend to date someone unless they match me in a way that I need them to. However, I dont like being alone too much either, so when I get frustrated enough I will wig out into my shadow and go looking for easy sexual access, in which case its still easy for me to get attached but in that case I find its not my heart making the calls but my head. And even if a relationship begins to blossom from that situation I will tend to nip it in the bud.
 
I'm not the best example, but it's pretty true for me. I won't date anyone that wouldn't be "marriage potential." I just can't. But then, the last date I had was over four years ago, so what does that tell you? :m129:
 
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Dating today is more relaxed and comfortable. Although partners may enter with a view towards marriage, there is not as much pressure to move in that direction too quickly. The idea is to enjoy the dating experience with that person while learning more about the person, see if it fits, before jumping into long term commitments. It seems more acceptable to wait and take the time to wade through the waters so that you're not forced or feel rushed into it.

It is also the chance to learn more about self, learning how to handle being in a relationship, instead of thinking that it must work and continue onto marriage. And that's one of the things I appreciate quite a bit in today's social climate. There's no need to rush.
 
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I tend to get attached very very easily, I can give my heart away too easily, which has led me to be more protective and picky. I wont tend to date someone unless they match me in a way that I need them to. However, I dont like being alone too much either, so when I get frustrated enough I will wig out into my shadow and go looking for easy sexual access, in which case its still easy for me to get attached but in that case I find its not my heart making the calls but my head. And even if a relationship begins to blossom from that situation I will tend to nip it in the bud.

Sounds familiar!

I'm not the best example, but it's pretty true for me. I won't date anyone that wouldn't be "marriage potential." I just can't. But then, the last date I had was over four years ago, so what does that tell you? :m129:

I agree..if I'm actually 'dating' someone, I'm looking for it to become a long term relationship...or it already is one.
 
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They are pretty similar, though.


I mean, once I was stressing over relationships, and my intp friend said
"Relax, it's not like you're husband shopping!"

You sure? Some of my friends tease me for my high expectations, but I simply cannot lower them.
 
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These days, I don't "date" around. I'll fuck randomly if I'm out of town, but when I date, I'm looking to winnow out the girls who aren't possible long termers.