INFJ women: How would you like to be approached? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

INFJ women: How would you like to be approached?

I don't think you should try to "type" someone you've never actually talked to. Seems a waste of time and energy in my opinion. Take the effort you're making on analyzing this stranger and put it towards actually communicating with her and hopefully making a connection.

If you see her reading a book, ask her what the book is and if she likes it. If she's listening to an iPod, ask her what she is listening to. Even if she's got the earbuds in, tap her on the shoulder or wave - she'll take them out and listen to you.

As an INFJ I love compliments but also questions, when the guy seems sincerely interested in getting to know me, when he finds me fascinating. Makes me feel beautiful, makes me feel special. Some people don't like "The Spanish Inquisition" - I freakin' love it.

And "will you have coffee with me?" usually works too. God, it has been forever since a guy asked me this. Lately I've only been meeting guys at salsa clubs and all they do is ask me to go back to their apartment with them. No date first- just straight to the apartment. Girls deserve more respect then this. As an INFJ girl I need some romance.
 
pax said:
How would you like to be approached by a man who you don’t know?

I need some advice on how to contact a girl in my neighbourhood that have the habit of making long eye contact and observing me when I’m not looking. If we make eye contact too long ( long enough to make me - as an INTJ - understand that it’s no coincidences), she ignores me for weeks and don’t look in my directions at all (just like I do). This pattern have been going on for over a year, it’s getting more and more intense.

My options are to talk to her on my daily commute to work or send her a message (short or long) via a dating site.
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I would disagree with those who recommend approaching the woman in public. If you're not sure why, read this blog post (not written by me, but by a much better writer) and that should clue you in.

What I'd recommend is contacting the woman you're interested in on the dating site. Why? Because the dating site is where she *expects* people to contact her with the intention of possibly meeting. As indicated by the link I posted in my first paragraph, women don't expect and often don't want to be approached in public. After all, simply because we're female in public doesn't give every guy, whether his intentions are good or bad, the right to approach us. Approach us in the right venue, like a dating site, the purpose of which is to have people contact you, and you may get the response you want. Approach her in public and you may get a different reaction altogether. Or she'll force herself into the "polite girl" response that all women are conditioned to give, giggle, smile and try to be polite with you, but inwardly be thinking, "what a creep. I wish he'd just leave me alone."

In other words, the fact that she's on a dating website is a signal that it's the right venue through which to contact her. Approaching her while she's standing at the bus stop is not the right venue. Pick the right path, and you may be rewarded.
 
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This is my perspective as a shy INFJ girl. She might not be making eye-contact with you anymore because she thinks you aren't interested since you haven't made a move yet. Don't talk to her using a pick-up line because that would probably freak out a shy girl. I feel intimitated when a guy comes out with a random one-liner. Its much more comfortable to have a casual pleasant conversation and just keep with the eye-contact. Then, make a point of talking again and eventually ask her for coffee or something. Good luck!
 
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You know what, try this one -- approach her like you're interested in her as a person, not as a potential mate. Let's face it, any INFJ is not usually a dating fiend, but we do like to connect with a person, on a personal level.

That goes beyond the whole romance thing. Just talk to her like you want to get to know her.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
You know what, try this one -- approach her like you're interested in her as a person, not as a potential mate. Let's face it, any INFJ is not usually a dating fiend, but we do like to connect with a person, on a personal level.

That goes beyond the whole romance thing. Just talk to her like you want to get to know her.
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Agree.
 
Hi guys, thank you very much for your continues interest. I have news :smile:

But first:
flowerz said:
I don't think you should try to "type" someone you've never actually talked to. Seems a waste of time and energy in my opinion. Take the effort you're making on analyzing this stranger and put it towards actually communicating with her and hopefully making a connection.
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I don't wast much time and energy on this. It have become almost a habit for me to try to figure out someones mbti type. And it is very helpful to me to be able to communicate better with all sorts of people.

I haven't been successful in talking to her so I changed my daily routine in order to avoid her. She sure noticed and changed her too. This could be a long story, but I will spare you for all the details. I tried to avoid pick up lines and I are fully aware of the potential pit falls that thirtiesgirl are describing.

The whole situation was starting to affect my work and my life so on Wednesday I sent her a message with a reference to who I am and my intention. I haven't seen her since, the message is not read, and she haven't logged in to the site for 5 weeks. I know she will receive a mail telling her that someone have sent her a message.

Doing this made me relax a lot. There could be over 400 messages in her in box, but I don't care if she reads it or not. If she do not log in and read it, it will give me the necessary push to engage her in open terrain. My biggest fear is that she reads it and don't response at all.
 
pax said:
I don't wast much time and energy on this. It have become almost a habit for me to try to figure out someones mbti type. And it is very helpful to me to be able to communicate better with all sorts of people.

I haven't been successful in talking to her so I changed my daily routine in order to avoid her. She sure noticed and changed her too. This could be a long story, but I will spare you for all the details. I tried to avoid pick up lines and I are fully aware of the potential pit falls that thirtiesgirl are describing.

The whole situation was starting to affect my work and my life so on Wednesday I sent her a message with a reference to who I am and my intention. I haven't seen her since, the message is not read, and she haven't logged in to the site for 5 weeks. I know she will receive a mail telling her that someone have sent her a message.

Doing this made me relax a lot. There could be over 400 messages in her in box, but I don't care if she reads it or not. If she do not log in and read it, it will give me the necessary push to engage her in open terrain. My biggest fear is that she reads it and don't response at all.
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A lack of response can be really harsh -- yes or no creates closure, but nothing at all can drive a person crazy.

I hope it goes well. It seems like you took a good route, and I hope that she responds positively. Good luck!
 
I am the INTJ fail-master when it comes to attempted and failed romantic or platonic relationships with INFJs. My dream INFJ is one that will go motorcycling, skydiving, new zealand hiking to the lord of the rings site, not afraid to do stupid ridiculous mischievous possibly illegal shit just for laughs, AND won't take offence if I call her a fuckface or speak bluntly as I often do. And now you know why I'm such a failmaster.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
A lack of response can be really harsh -- yes or no creates closure, but nothing at all can drive a person crazy.

I hope it goes well. It seems like you took a good route, and I hope that she responds positively. Good luck!
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Tell me about it, honey.
 
pierce said:
I am the INTJ fail-master when it comes to attempted and failed romantic or platonic relationships with INFJs. My dream INFJ is one that will go motorcycling, skydiving, new zealand hiking to the lord of the rings site, not afraid to do stupid ridiculous mischievous possibly illegal shit just for laughs, AND won't take offence if I call her a fuckface or speak bluntly as I often do. And now you know why I'm such a failmaster.
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This girl doesn't sound like an INFJ. Maybe you should look for another type.
 
pierce said:
I am the INTJ fail-master when it comes to attempted and failed romantic or platonic relationships with INFJs. My dream INFJ is one that will go motorcycling, skydiving, new zealand hiking to the lord of the rings site, not afraid to do stupid ridiculous mischievous possibly illegal shit just for laughs, AND won't take offence if I call her a fuckface or speak bluntly as I often do. And now you know why I'm such a failmaster.
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You sound like me. Lol. (Only that I'm the girl-version)
 
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adervale said:
You sound like me. Lol. (Only that I'm the girl-version)
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Nice. Subject to demographic considerations, age, and physical appearance, want to be my girlfriend?
 
Are you sure you want to date a (somewhat) obsessive-compulsive, dysthymic, perpetually oblivious person? Though, on another note, I've always found INTJs to be interesting. My brother's an INTJ and our arguments are like hell.
 
adervale said:
Are you sure you want to date a (somewhat) obsessive-compulsive, dysthymic, perpetually oblivious person? Though, on another note, I've always found INTJs to be interesting. My brother's an INTJ and our arguments are like hell.
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My interpersonal conflicts with INFJs are a problem, because from what I've seen, INFJs generally are unable to tap into their reasoning functions when they are either very upset or in a conflict situation. This is probably a common theme among all feeler types.

As long as you're somewhat good looking, in an 18-33 age range (although maturity level may be a problem for under 23), don't mind bluntness, and have strong reasoning abilities even during conflicts, I think that the broad strokes are there. Of course, all of this assuming that you are an INFJ.

However, if you're not good looking, do not fret. Help is available:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYpwAtnywTk"]YouTube- How to trick people into thinking you're good looking[/ame]
 
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pierce said:
My interpersonal conflicts with INFJs are a problem, because from what I've seen, INFJs generally are unable to tap into their reasoning functions when they are either very upset or in a conflict situation. This is probably a common theme among all feeler types.
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Agree completely. Am usually irrational during a conflict. But over the years I've gained most control over my feelings and speak logically cause people (or at least, those around me) usually listen to logic during emotions of high intensity.

Am disregarding the above btw, not appropriate in this thread and I swear others will either snort or laugh at your criteria/preposition. Love the video though. We would definitely be real-life friends if you're around my vicinity. ;)
 
pierce said:
My interpersonal conflicts with INFJs are a problem, because from what I've seen, INFJs generally are unable to tap into their reasoning functions when they are either very upset or in a conflict situation. This is probably a common theme among all feeler types.

As long as you're somewhat good looking, in an 18-33 age range (although maturity level may be a problem for under 23), don't mind bluntness, and have strong reasoning abilities even during conflicts, I think that the broad strokes are there. Of course, all of this assuming that you are an INFJ.

However, if you're not good looking, do not fret. Help is available:
YouTube- How to trick people into thinking you're good looking
Click to expand...

That video was good stuff Pierce, haven't laughed that hard in awhile.
 
pierce said:
However, if you're not good looking, do not fret. Help is available:
YouTube- How to trick people into thinking you're good looking
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Oh my goodness, Pierce, that was so freaking hilarious. (I thought she was kind of cute pre-makeup. Hm, must become more critical.)

P.S. Oh, yeah... @ pax re. approaching your friend... I suppose you wanted an answer.

Well... "Hello" works wonders. First, make sure you are not alone in a parking lot or something like that, or you may get sprayed with mace.
 
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gloomy-optimist said:
You know what, try this one -- approach her like you're interested in her as a person, not as a potential mate. Let's face it, any INFJ is not usually a dating fiend, but we do like to connect with a person, on a personal level.

That goes beyond the whole romance thing. Just talk to her like you want to get to know her.
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this. I personally think this is the best way to approach someone (an INFJ female). Take things slowly and get to know the person first even if it is at the superficial level. Start off by introducing yourself with a simple hello and a friendly smile, as if you want to know her as a neighbour, just like you would to your new male/couple/elderly neighbours. Make small talks, see how she responds and go from there. I personally get very turned off by silly pick up lines, manipulative head games. I also get turned off by guys who wouldn't even make eye contacts with me - makes you look unapproachable and unfriendly. I prefer guys who are self-assured, modest and friendly (but not over the top). I like to connect with the person before I actually think about dating him. I admire guys who take their time to build that initial friendly rapport instead of being all flirty and shallow.
 
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