INFJ women: How would you like to be approached? | INFJ Forum

INFJ women: How would you like to be approached?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by pax, Jun 12, 2010.

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  1. pax

    pax Newbie

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    How would you like to be approached by a man who you don
     
  2. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    And this topic comes up again..... ughhh
     
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  3. Phage

    Phage Community Member

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    In person, not through any dating sites. Talk to her on your commute to work.

    You just should go up to her and ask her how she is doing. I wouldn't date some one I met online. I would want to know what they are like in person.

    1) It shows you have courage to approach her.
    2) You can read more body language vs. none through online
    3) Talking to her from online seems kind of weird when you can easily talk to her in person. It's not like she lives in another continent.

    Just start with small talk, if you come off too strong it makes you look desperate. I don't know if you have ever talked to her before. If you haven't she will wonder how you got her info online...
     
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  4. OP
    pax

    pax Newbie

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    I have not talked to her before. I recognized her picture on a dating site (just a coincident), that's why I have typed her as INFJ.
     
  5. the

    the Si master race.
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    You should walk up and start taking pictures of her - and be in her face about it.
     
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  6. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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  7. Phage

    Phage Community Member

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    Well, if it were me, I would like to be approached in person. I like to express myself more physcially and emotionally and online it isn't the same. It would also close the gap on this eye game.
     
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  8. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    Try saying "hello".
     
  9. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    *de-rail*

    In the forum stats - am I the only one who when he saw: "Forum women: How would you like to be..." thought Shai Gar must have started this thread?
     
  10. sassafras

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    To be fair, Shai hasn't started the last seventeen or so threads of this sort.

    And quite frankly, I keep forgetting what I said in the previous ones. Either I'm too fickle or there are just multiple ways to approach an INFJ.

    Question for the OP:

    Not that this really matters when it comes to the nuts and bolts of this problem (which is, essentially, who's going to overcome their shyness first) but how do you even know she's an INFJ if you're just exchanging long, lingering glances?
     
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  11. VH

    VH Variable Hybrid

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    This has yet to fail for me with an INFJ woman...

    Walk up with a sincere smile and tell her she's beautiful. Let things go naturally from there.
     
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  12. sumone

    sumone down the rabbit hole

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    I agree with Nobleheart, I love surprises like that. Do approach her with confidence and humour. Most people are so predictable but if you kind of swoop in with something non-threatening but different it'll peak her interest.
    Go for it anyway. You've got nothing to lose.
     
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  13. OP
    pax

    pax Newbie

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    Good question! Reading her online profile was certainly helpful :)
    By observing her IRL I can say she is xxxJ and probably IxxJ. It has become easy for me to see if people are J or P. Her profile confirms that she is I. She used the word shy three times, the word reserved once and that she liked her own company twice. It’s not uncommon for girls to say that they are shy (they say that they are "a little shy") but they always try to compensate by saying “but I can also be out going“.

    S/N is more tricky and so are the T/F. I think she is iNtutive and not a sensor because of our ongoing eye game. S girls tend to think “he have given me the eye 10 times now, he must I interested in me” S girls - even the introverted - continues the flirting to a certain point. IS girls tend to flirt for a period and if they are not successful they stop. With her it have been going on for a year, at least.

    ISXX and ESXX girls play the dating game much better than INxx. It’s somewhat more obvious and there are more rules. I have ISxx friends and they know how to do it.

    I started to read all the IxxJ profiles I found. She matches ISFJ and INFJ. In her profile she says that she “should” and “ought to” just like my ISFJ mother. But my divorced mother just plays the dating game better. ISxx girls also have a different expression in their eyes than INxx, it’s just like their scanning their environment differently.

    (this is getting long)

    By reading this forum I became very convinced. Especially by reading how you flirt. The first time I noticed her was that she always was standing 6 meter away from me when waiting for the train. I started moving and so did she and I noticed that she was looking at me. If things get a bit too obvious she ignores me for a while.

    She could then bee an INTJ or INFJ. I have seen some confirmed INFJ and INTJ profiles on okcupid and intj girls are a bit more technical.

    I now know that it's my responsibility to overcome the shyness:boink:.
    But it’s not easy start talking to a ice queen like this. But I will try, at least I will try to smile.
     
    #13 pax, Jun 12, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2010
  14. dicember

    dicember Regular Poster

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    don't be apologetic about it when you walk up. i'd probably say something like

    ""i know you get this all the time, and guys are probably tripping over themselves every day trying to get your attention, but i just thought you were fantastically beautiful, and i want to see what you are like."

    then, since she seems the shy infj type, turn this more conversation-y with some normal question that you think of on the spot not planned. don't ask her name too early. "haha, how's the introverted people of the world supposed to meet new people."
     
    #14 dicember, Jun 12, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2010
  15. LadyBlahBlah

    LadyBlahBlah Regular Poster

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    I'm not an INFJ, but IMO the most ideal way for a guy to approach me is to just be confident. I'm an introvert and can have a very hard time making the first move. That coy little "look at him, hold it, then look away" thing... screw that. I'm like a deer in the headlights. lol Once I know a guy's at least somewhat interested, though, I'm an incorrigible flirt, but I have to know he's interested first.

    So if a guy just walked up to me, started chit chatting with me, normal small talk, non-threatening, but gave me that look, that smile, slips in the occasional compliment that let's me know that he's interested, then that's perfect. And if I'm not interested, it gives me the opportunity to either respond in kind or not. And if I don't, then the guy can still keep his pride pretty well because it's not like he blatantly asked me out and I rejected.

    I overthink shit, don't I? xD
     
  16. Kgal

    Kgal Magic Star Dust
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  17. Rogue

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  18. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I like you
     
  19. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I'd try to approach her confidently, but casually. Don't come on too strongly, because that can be kind of intimidating. No one likes to feel targeted.
    Intrigue is a wonderful tool. Bring up something a little different, a little interesting, but not totally crazy. Be open, sincere, and a little breezy. Then, back off for a while. Rinse and repeat, lengthening the time of conversation as she gets more comfortable.

    That's in an ideal world, of course. But I find guys that are non-threatening, confident, and respectful of personal space to be nice to be around, and the intrigue would make her want to get to know YOU more too ;)
     
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  20. OP
    pax

    pax Newbie

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    After the last "climax" I haven't seen her much. We have only exchanged eyes once (very brief), and that could have happened with any woman.

    I'm not staring at her at all. If she wanted she could avoid me.

    My task is now is to gather enough courage to say something smart to Rogues avatar.

    But during this case study I have become very aware on how INxx flirt. With this new wisdom I will actually start to show some interest to all the women I fancy.
     
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