Hi all, I'll try to be as concise and unbiased as possible but there's a lot 
I'm a female ISFJ who really needs advice and has exhausted all other options of opinions from my closest friends and my mother.
This is about the same INFJ guy who is in the same university friendship group as I am that I posted a thread about 2 months ago. We had a very warm friendship that I considered very close especially in the last 3 months of last year, particularly as I did notice him sharing more things with me and another male friend who is an INFP (but more with me when we were alone). Around this time he would sometimes engage in behaviour most people would consider flirting and "boyfriend-like" but I always dismissed it as his quirky personality and due to him being younger (by 2.5 years) and went to an all boys' school (and thus not being as aware of boundaries between male and female friends).
I had feelings for him but wasn't sure if he did so I would be very indirect and would respond lukewarm or sarcastically when he was saying "flirtatious" things. I should mention that after everything that's happened, I have no intent on pursuing anything with him or being that close with him again, but I am hoping that we can be friends, which I think he no longer wants to be at the moment.
The trouble started when I casually mentioned a female coworker as "the coworker I like" in our group chat who I thought he would know I was talking about as I told him various times that she was the only coworker I liked working with. He messaged me privately and asked "he or she? the coworker?" and I said "she" and while I found it strange to ask me that question, I decided not to ask. He proceeded to be cold and distant towards me in the group chat for about a week.
This pattern of him asking about a male friend or coworker then being a little distant would continue for another few weeks until the end of last month. After that he was distant for a few weeks until we started talking again in our group chats before he went overseas last week. Some of the times he became distant would be when we had disagreements about small things in the smaller group chat with INFP male (who would agree with me most of the time). He would then suddenly initiate conversation with me whenever I told the group I was going out and things would be fine for a short time.
A few weeks ago, he started making sarcastic remarks in a different tone than he usually does with regards to things that I said or did that he didn't approve of (such as oversharing or extreme humour). I was hurt each time and responded with jokes or ignored the remarks because I didn't want to believe that was his intent.
Everyone so far has told me that even though I've made mistakes (I've apologised as sincerely as I could and I know that doesn't immediately absolve me of blame). I felt really hurt not because of what he said and did recently, but by what I so far interpret as his intentions were behind them.
I already asked two close INFJ females (to see their point of view on what I did - he doesn't approve of me sharing any inside jokes I've had with others to him or anyone which was his main point) and they agreed while it was something they consider quite hurtful, his response was extreme, particularly for someone who never voiced it directly to me as a serious concern to him.
I wanted to initially ignore him but felt it was unfair to say anything so I foolishly and impulsively messaged him several days after my apology which was a few days after our initial conversation instead of waiting until he came back from overseas as I initially intended.
He was very angry (understandably) and at the end of our conversation about what I had to say when I asked if he felt we could still be good friends and understood if he didn't, he said "I'm not the type to force friendships to work but we are not on bad terms and that is all that matters to me."
What we talked about was that I felt hurt by what I perceived to be his intentions in the words he said to me. After reacting to his message on facebook, 40 mins later I sent him "Thank you for listening to me. I am glad we are not on bad terms and I'll see you around". But I noticed the icon saying it was sent but not delivered so I assume he has clicked "ignore messages" on Facebook.
Uni starts again in about 3 weeks. We have classes nearly everyday and our breaks together tend to be long so I'll feel very awkward and uncomfortable knowing if he has any resentment towards me. I'm wondering if anyone thinks it's possible for an INFJ male in this situation to be willing to be friends with me again, especially after he has chosen to ignore my messages. I know he has done it to avoid a situation where I might send more messages while he's overseas but I'm not sure if he's going to try to make that a permanent thing. How should I approach this other than my original approach to have given him distance?
Thanks in advance for your advice/opinions, I really appreciate them!
I'm a female ISFJ who really needs advice and has exhausted all other options of opinions from my closest friends and my mother.This is about the same INFJ guy who is in the same university friendship group as I am that I posted a thread about 2 months ago. We had a very warm friendship that I considered very close especially in the last 3 months of last year, particularly as I did notice him sharing more things with me and another male friend who is an INFP (but more with me when we were alone). Around this time he would sometimes engage in behaviour most people would consider flirting and "boyfriend-like" but I always dismissed it as his quirky personality and due to him being younger (by 2.5 years) and went to an all boys' school (and thus not being as aware of boundaries between male and female friends).
I had feelings for him but wasn't sure if he did so I would be very indirect and would respond lukewarm or sarcastically when he was saying "flirtatious" things. I should mention that after everything that's happened, I have no intent on pursuing anything with him or being that close with him again, but I am hoping that we can be friends, which I think he no longer wants to be at the moment.
The trouble started when I casually mentioned a female coworker as "the coworker I like" in our group chat who I thought he would know I was talking about as I told him various times that she was the only coworker I liked working with. He messaged me privately and asked "he or she? the coworker?" and I said "she" and while I found it strange to ask me that question, I decided not to ask. He proceeded to be cold and distant towards me in the group chat for about a week.
This pattern of him asking about a male friend or coworker then being a little distant would continue for another few weeks until the end of last month. After that he was distant for a few weeks until we started talking again in our group chats before he went overseas last week. Some of the times he became distant would be when we had disagreements about small things in the smaller group chat with INFP male (who would agree with me most of the time). He would then suddenly initiate conversation with me whenever I told the group I was going out and things would be fine for a short time.
A few weeks ago, he started making sarcastic remarks in a different tone than he usually does with regards to things that I said or did that he didn't approve of (such as oversharing or extreme humour). I was hurt each time and responded with jokes or ignored the remarks because I didn't want to believe that was his intent.
Everyone so far has told me that even though I've made mistakes (I've apologised as sincerely as I could and I know that doesn't immediately absolve me of blame). I felt really hurt not because of what he said and did recently, but by what I so far interpret as his intentions were behind them.
I already asked two close INFJ females (to see their point of view on what I did - he doesn't approve of me sharing any inside jokes I've had with others to him or anyone which was his main point) and they agreed while it was something they consider quite hurtful, his response was extreme, particularly for someone who never voiced it directly to me as a serious concern to him.
I wanted to initially ignore him but felt it was unfair to say anything so I foolishly and impulsively messaged him several days after my apology which was a few days after our initial conversation instead of waiting until he came back from overseas as I initially intended.
He was very angry (understandably) and at the end of our conversation about what I had to say when I asked if he felt we could still be good friends and understood if he didn't, he said "I'm not the type to force friendships to work but we are not on bad terms and that is all that matters to me."
What we talked about was that I felt hurt by what I perceived to be his intentions in the words he said to me. After reacting to his message on facebook, 40 mins later I sent him "Thank you for listening to me. I am glad we are not on bad terms and I'll see you around
". But I noticed the icon saying it was sent but not delivered so I assume he has clicked "ignore messages" on Facebook.Uni starts again in about 3 weeks. We have classes nearly everyday and our breaks together tend to be long so I'll feel very awkward and uncomfortable knowing if he has any resentment towards me. I'm wondering if anyone thinks it's possible for an INFJ male in this situation to be willing to be friends with me again, especially after he has chosen to ignore my messages. I know he has done it to avoid a situation where I might send more messages while he's overseas but I'm not sure if he's going to try to make that a permanent thing. How should I approach this other than my original approach to have given him distance?
Thanks in advance for your advice/opinions, I really appreciate them!
