INFJ Ladies: How do you process your attraction for a guy? | INFJ Forum

INFJ Ladies: How do you process your attraction for a guy?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Sesquipedalian, Oct 18, 2010.

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  1. Sesquipedalian

    Sesquipedalian Community Member

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    When you sense you're attracted to a guy, how do you process it? How does it manifest?
    Are you ever so exclusive with your thoughts that he never catches wind of it?
    What things have guys done to ruin your intial attraction?
    What have guys done to bolster it?
    Do you tend to fall hard and fast or slow and steady?
    At what point does attraction turn into some sort of action on your part?
    How likely are you to drop hints vs. just letting the guy take the initiative?

    I want to see your brains.

    ERHRM... I mean... please share your thoughts.
     
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    #1 Sesquipedalian, Oct 18, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2010
  2. Bird

    Bird Happy Go Lucky

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    When you sense you're attracted to a guy, how do you process it?
    I am incapable of answering this.
    No processing is necessary.

    How does it manifest?
    I feel safe.

    Are you ever so exclusive with your thoughts that he never catches wind of it?
    Yes.

    What things have guys done to ruin your intial attraction?
    This is an incredibly vast list I've realized.
    But what it comes down to is if you're attracted to my body
    more than you are to who I am, it will not be working out.
    Also if you're unwilling to give me my space and you have
    any sort of superiority complex or anger or control issues,
    I will become uninterested. I will become absolutely disgusted
    and then wonder what troubled you so much emotionally to
    cause these tendencies.
    NO LYING.

    What is wrong with you.


    What have guys done to bolster it?
    All of those qualities are not qualities that have redeeming factors.

    Do you tend to fall hard and fast or slow and steady?
    I am cautious. I actively try not to become too attached.

    At what point does attraction turn into some sort of action on your part?
    When he does not take initiative and I am incredibly frustrated waiting on him to man up.
    Though if he doesn't take initiative if I'm being sensitive that day I will
    take it personally and just think that I'm not pretty enough for him before
    if he hasn't acted physically in any manner it seems as though he just wants
    to be friends and he does not desire me in any sort of sexual fashion which is
    obviously a big part of being "more than friends".

    How likely are you to drop hints vs. just letting the guy take the initiative?
    IF I AM BLATANTLY STARING AT YOUR MOUTH: KIND SIR, KISS ME.
    I usually try to drop hints to show my disinterest. I like to think if I like someone
    it's noticeable and no hints are necessary. Unfortunately my disinterest hints are never
    noted. If I'm interested I will usually let him take the initiative. If he is but he is
    just not moving at a speed I am comfortable with I do not mind making up the
    difference or making adjustments and furthering things myself just as long as I know
    you want the same things. No hints necessary.
    I'm trying this new thing where I'm direct. It actually is strengthening what I have going on now.
     
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    #2 Bird, Oct 18, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2010
  3. Galileo

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    I talk to them a lot more. that's really the only way.

    always. the guys I've been with have almost never had any idea that I've been attracted to them, because I don't ever let on anything.

    hmmmm....been really shallow, had girlfriends or in some cases boyfriends....
    shown signs of not only being interested in what people look like...spent time talking about important things, politics, the world, things I like.


    slow and steady, but I used to fall fast, but I fell for too many idiots that way.

    I very rarely take the action. I have only twice done so, and that was when I felt that I couldn't be an honest friend without telling the other how I felt. I don't do first moves.
    almost never.
     
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    #3 Galileo, Oct 18, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2010
  4. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    I know you're excited about this girl, but the way you are analyzing such an early set of interactions etc, seems like you have the throttle wide open and your zipping down the freeway at 160 mph into an INFJs Brick wall of heart, you need to be more seemless and just put in the time to get to know her. If you want her to open up and show things to you and to trust and ultimatly fall in love with you, you have to put the time and effort in. INFJs arent big on words, at least I am not, from what I have seen and understand about them they are more about actions...

    If you press past her borders shes going to close them down on you and youre going to have to fight twice as hard to get her to open them back up.

    If she keeps talking to you and makes an effort to keep you involved in her life, you got a foot in the door, especially as someone who isnt especially close to her, my advice is to just go slow, tell her about yourself, share yourself honestly and earnestly with her and be genuinely curious about her, dont solve her problems, and dont try to give her an identity, NFs search for identity our entire lives and if some Te dom comes around and tries to organize us, we resent it. Just flow with the relationship and and see where it leads. It might be a dead end, it might be into her heart, but thats not your choice and there is nothing you can really do to influence that except to just be there, be genuine, and be honest. If she likes you, she will let you know in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS when she she is ready to have you know.

    Seems like a huge time/emotional risk eh? Welcome to the world of fickle, prioritizing, need time to figure it out INFJs. Once shes hooked though if thats the way she so chooses to go, then you will not be in the dark any longer and she will let you in, but even then, relationships grow in layers, and you will need time to work past her barriers.

    Good luck.
     
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  5. sassafras

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    If I find him immediately physically attractive, my mind says, "Damn! He's Hot!" and I need no further elaboration.

    If I find him attractive as an individual, the process is not conscious. I've had times when I would be in the middle of a task or thinking about something else and he'd pop into my head and I'd suddenly realize: "well shit, I guess I like him." There's never any go-between my conscious and unconscious where attraction is concerned.

    Once its out in the open, I'll mull it over; draw up a mental list of pro's and con's. If I'm attracted to him but he's a deadbeat or a jerk, I distance myself. If he's cool and I think this might go somewhere, I investigate the relationship further, usually by spending more time with him

    I'm an emotional ninja. If there's something there, and I have reason to hide it, he won't see it.

    Too many to list. Arrogance, aggressiveness, possessiveness, stupidity, poor hygiene, lack of social grace, lack of ambition, rudeness, chewing with his mouth open, crude humor, etc.


    Demonstrated quick wit and intelligence. Had a fun night out together. Shown me strength of character.

    Somewhere in between. I'm pretty cautious about getting into anything serious too soon, but I'm not the kind of person that drags things out forever, even if I see that there is a good potential for something here.

    I don't know. lol. If I really like him, I'll flirt, I'll banter, I'll remember random things about him, but I'm pretty aloof at the same time. I'm not the type of person that wears their heart on their sleeve.

    I drop hints. Some subtle, some not so subtle. I let the guy take the initiative though. Make him believe it was his idea... that's how I roll ;)
     
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  6. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    When you sense you're attracted to a guy, how do you process it? How does it manifest?
    I get freaked out, then eventually make the emotional mess into a neat pile and deal with it.

    Are you ever so exclusive with your thoughts that he never catches wind of it?

    Yes. No one would know I liked them if I didn't want them to (unless they were really psychic)

    What things have guys done to ruin your intial attraction?
    Been something I thought they weren't or tried to put pressure on me to be someone they wanted me to be.
    Been clingy and/or selfish.

    What have guys done to bolster it?

    Been intelligent and fun to talk to. Made everything comfortable.

    Do you tend to fall hard and fast or slow and steady?
    Slow. Very slow. I don't allow myself to like someone unless I see a future and believe they could like me back. I don't want unrequited love.

    At what point does attraction turn into some sort of action on your part?


    How likely are you to drop hints vs. just letting the guy take the initiative?
     
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  7. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    When you sense you're attracted to a guy, how do you process it? How does it manifest? I think about whether i could see myself with this person long-term, and if the answer is no, then I drop it. If the answer is yes, I try to think about why I am attracted to them (and the pros cons list is made). Sometimes they make the cut, sometimes they don't
    Are you ever so exclusive with your thoughts that he never catches wind of it? Not completely, but there have been a few cases.
    What things have guys done to ruin your intial attraction? Seeming to like me only for "parts" of my body, being shallow, not showing adequate intelligence, being overly arrogant, boring me, smoking
    What have guys done to bolster it? Can't be redeemed
    Do you tend to fall hard and fast or slow and steady? hard and fast, but sometimes slow and steady
    At what point does attraction turn into some sort of action on your part? ----
    How likely are you to drop hints vs. just letting the guy take the initiative? A little bit of both
     
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  8. oddgirlout

    oddgirlout Quirkess at your service
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    When you sense you're attracted to a guy, how do you process it? How does it manifest? I usually find myself preparing for my next encounter with him. Do I have something interesting, thought provoking or amusing to say?


    Are you ever so exclusive with your thoughts that he never catches wind of it? Usually when I have determined that the relationship would have no substance but is just a raw physical attraction. No point in sharing that with him unless...well...I just want to be physical.

    What things have guys done to ruin your initial attraction? Speak...lol...no I'm kidding. If they desire someone beneath them, meaning not someone who can challenge them. If they regurgitate someone else's thoughts and ideas as their own or as gospel.

    What have guys done to bolster it? If I find they are not only intelligent but have a sense of humor I'm definitely in...I want to know more.

    Do you tend to fall hard and fast or slow and steady? Slow and steady...I have to know what I'm getting into if there's potentially for a relationship, actually that's kind of true for physical relationships to...unless I fail to keep myself controlled.

    At what point does attraction turn into some sort of action on your part?
    When I am certain there is definite interest and I think my success rate will be greater than 60%.

    How likely are you to drop hints vs. just letting the guy take the initiative? Of course I'd love it if the guy would take the initiative but if he doesn't I'll drop hints for a bit and then just go for it if that doesn't work. :)
     
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  9. OP
    Sesquipedalian

    Sesquipedalian Community Member

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    Billy - INTJs do a lot of research when something interests them, including people. It's just how we work :p Thanks for your thoughts as well.

    Everyone else - Thank you for your answers! There's a fair amount of diversity here.
     
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  10. Billy

    Billy Contents Under Pressure
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    Of course you do, INFJs do too typically, at least I know I do. I have dated a few INTJs as well... but the thing that I am trying to impress upon you is that, its real easy to work something up in your head with all your research and jump way far ahead of the object of your desires in terms of what you think/feel. Research is dandy, but research leads to and spurns on actions, im just telling ya, to go slow and take it easy. INFJs can be... complicated and make very little logical sense.
     
  11. OP
    Sesquipedalian

    Sesquipedalian Community Member

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    You're telling me :p. On a few short occasions I've broken through those INFJ barriers and caught her in an externally genuine moment. In those moments I think "she likes me!" Most of the rest of the time I waver between her friend zoning me and being indifferent to me.

    I understand what you're saying and you make a good point. I plan days, months, years, decades ahead. It's possible to live your whole life in the future only to find that you never lived it in the moment.
     
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