INFJ gone wrong | INFJ Forum

INFJ gone wrong

waterbaby

waterbaby

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What would an INFJ gone wrong be like? Say they'd had a rough start, lived in shadow for a while, made some very ironic and out of character choices in life (i.e. dropping out of school despite previously loving it), maybe they were brutally abused... you get where I'm going...

What would the result be like?

Would this person be "too crazy" to type (I think I saw that in one of the books)? Is there enough natural resiliency to our type that such a person still be functional? Would they become an evil dictator?
 
I've met several INFJs on here who dealt with the circumstances you describe. They came out battle scarred, but as resilient INFJs.

Shadow INFJ: I'd ask Nobleheart or IndigoSensor for a quick description of the INFJ shadow personality.
 
you'd get me...
 
Yeah, I was thinking of Enty. But she is the 'resilient INFJ' in a nutshell.
 
I think what makes us so unique is our ability to overcome and persevere. I've seen alot of shit in my life and I haven't let it define who I am. In no way am I perfect, I have done alot of irresponsibe and reckless things. But I'm always pushing myself to do better and look at the positive outcomes of negative situations.

I think infjs internalize alot of their problems and blame themselves, and maybe they would just self-destruct if they couldn't handle the pressure.

Dictator? I kinda have that streak in me lol:m192:
 
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The type of INFJ you are describing is one that has taken on the bad aspects of an ESTP, or an ENFP, depending on what kind of trama they have indured and for how long.

If you have an INFJ who is an an ESTP mode it is likely caused by long term stress from things in their external life. Money issues, relationships, bad luck, ect. If this goes on long enough they enter this mode. It is pretty much a way for the INFJ to get certainty, and instant gratification. As being like a bad ESTP it allows the individual to get satisfaction in the short term to mask out the hurt they are feeling. To the external observer the INFJ would appear very much like an ESTP (depending on the degree of the shadow mode, the true INFJ nature may or may not be visiable). The distinction between an INFJ in shadow and a true ESTP is how the INFJ feels while this is going on, and how they feel after words. An INFJ in shadow ESTP mode will likely feel detatched, almost as if they watching themselves do the things they are doing. They could in essence, rob a store and punch the person they are robbing, then after the ordeal, wonder to themselves "...did I actually just do that? It feels so surreal..." they will have the urge to process it beyond that, but something stops them from being able to do so. An INFJ in shadow mode also isn't there 24/7, when the individual exits the mode for a short time, it is usually a very depressive mode and they ask themselves "why is all of this happening". Full relization does not come about until they have fully exited shadow mode.
 
Ecton said:
I've met several INFJs on here who dealt with the circumstances you describe. They came out battle scarred, but as resilient INFJs. .
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I am one too - I have bounced back and I refuse to let it define who I am :love:
 
I spent a couple of years in shadow mode in my late teens. I was very destructive, sometimes violent (towards objects and myself, rather than other people), cold towards other people and quite cutting in my attitude and comments towards them, whilst remaining quite detached from it all. In my own space, when I could be myself I was depressed and unhappy, missing any genuine connection with the world and feeling like I wasn't living my life at all, but simply acting out a role I hated. It took a lot of pain to put me into that frame of mind, and took a lot of conscious effort and retraining of my mind and self-attitude to get me back out of it.
 
Elf said:
I spent a couple of years in shadow mode in my late teens. I was very destructive, sometimes violent (towards objects and myself, rather than other people), cold towards other people and quite cutting in my attitude and comments towards them, whilst remaining quite detached from it all. In my own space, when I could be myself I was depressed and unhappy, missing any genuine connection with the world and feeling like I wasn't living my life at all, but simply acting out a role I hated. It took a lot of pain to put me into that frame of mind, and took a lot of conscious effort and retraining of my mind and self-attitude to get me back out of it.
Click to expand...

:hug:
 
They would be like.... hmm. I think there are two ways of being wrong; between one raised in a bad way and one who took the wrong path.

One raised badly / experienced badly would be, as Indigo and others had said, pressured or forced living in shadow mode. They became the bad version of ESTP. Aggresive. Loudmouthed. And quite the bad kind of S. "This (by that, I mean what I believed, which is what was supposed to be because they said I'm wrong) is RIGHT! NOTHING ELSE IS!" And due to the nature of the change, being defensive seems to be essential.

One who took the wrong (wrong here being morally, or perhaps, one that's dangering others) path....is different. They are essentially well-adjusted INFJ. Who simply took the wrong belief. This type's probably the one most likely to be the evil tyrant, because they get all the benefits INFJs have for all the wrong reasons. I've never seen those type of INFJ, thankfully, but they're out there...because they're not as fragile and/or defensive as the first cases.
 
IndigoSensor said:
An INFJ in shadow ESTP mode will likely feel detatched, almost as if they watching themselves do the things they are doing.
Click to expand...

I don't know for sure, but my instinct says detached is the core element of this infj expression. I think it may manifest in internal or external ways, but the detachment from experience would be present in all expressions, I suspect.

I think infjs tend to be deeply engaged, compassionate, and empathetic. Yet I also think one of our go-to defense mechanisms is disengagement. I think we regularly go to it in a way that's not destructive for short breathers from life's stress, but when we get locked in disengage mode, then I think the destructive manifestation comes in to play. It may be that one would self-destruct, or it might be that one would lack a sense of restraint in engaging with the external environment. In that stage of disengagement a sense of compassion would not be accessible, for self or other. One also may no longer feel concern about crossing boundary lines because the sense of empathy with the environment would have been cut off.

I've done self-destructive things in that state of detachment, but I don't have a sense of how it may have manifested externally. I do think I can get very demanding and bossy when I'm under stress. I can tend to be almost obsessively concerned with getting my own needs met and unaware or unconcerned with what other's needs might be. My description is based on what I have of personal experience, a running of imagination, and intuition about how things could play out.
 
IndigoSensor said:
The type of INFJ you are describing is one that has taken on the bad aspects of an ESTP, or an ENFP, depending on what kind of trama they have indured and for how long.

If you have an INFJ who is an an ESTP mode it is likely caused by long term stress from things in their external life. Money issues, relationships, bad luck, ect. If this goes on long enough they enter this mode. It is pretty much a way for the INFJ to get certainty, and instant gratification. As being like a bad ESTP it allows the individual to get satisfaction in the short term to mask out the hurt they are feeling. To the external observer the INFJ would appear very much like an ESTP (depending on the degree of the shadow mode, the true INFJ nature may or may not be visiable). The distinction between an INFJ in shadow and a true ESTP is how the INFJ feels while this is going on, and how they feel after words. An INFJ in shadow ESTP mode will likely feel detatched, almost as if they watching themselves do the things they are doing. They could in essence, rob a store and punch the person they are robbing, then after the ordeal, wonder to themselves "...did I actually just do that? It feels so surreal..." they will have the urge to process it beyond that, but something stops them from being able to do so. An INFJ in shadow mode also isn't there 24/7, when the individual exits the mode for a short time, it is usually a very depressive mode and they ask themselves "why is all of this happening". Full relization does not come about until they have fully exited shadow mode.
Click to expand...

this very much describes my time right after my fianc
 
waterbaby said:
What would an INFJ gone wrong be like? Say they'd had a rough start, lived in shadow for a while, made some very ironic and out of character choices in life (i.e. dropping out of school despite previously loving it), maybe they were brutally abused... you get where I'm going...

What would the result be like?

Would this person be "too crazy" to type (I think I saw that in one of the books)? Is there enough natural resiliency to our type that such a person still be functional? Would they become an evil dictator?
Click to expand...


I thought these were prerequisites
 
I think there are many different manifestations of the shadow INFJ in the sense that different trauma requires different coping mechanisms to survive, that you would then draw from different parts of yourself as the circumstances requires, this can obviously vary from INFJ to INFJ and each situation or trauma is not necessarily the same which makes the INFJ including the shadow INFJ more complex and misunderstood than we assume.

From what I have experienced with myself, is that being in my shadow mode from childhood until my early twenties and then slowly coming out of it, I slowly realized this shadow person is not me and that what was done to me manifested itself without my choosing which angered me as it felt like an unknown potential of how I could have turned out was taken from me. This anger then fueled me to try to realign myself and not carry my past as a burden or a definition of who I am. I am not my abuse or my past, I am my own person who has had her own experiences to grow, learn and draw strength from.

This understanding was difficult to reach and took a very long time, to get past the pain and resentment, to find a higher understanding of what has occurred to my personality, to who I am as a person and that I am not this bad person that I so felt, but a manifestation of what happened to me though I would not change any of it.

It has made me aware of my resilience, my inner strength, made me not as fragile but still sensitive to the awareness of emotions in myself and others (maybe even more so), to be aware of how my demeanor affects others and also how to be handle manipulation etc. better and to pay more attention to the exterior world.

It did also however make me aware of how we actually hold a power to destroy others as I did draw on this to defend myself and was horrified of what one can achieve with it. That being said I do agree that there is the capacity to be a
 
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When I have had bouts of severe pain (lasting about 2 years), the main thing I did was withdraw and become very caustic.
 
hitler460.jpg

eh? eh?
 
tovlo said:
I don't know for sure, but my instinct says detached is the core element of this infj expression. I think it may manifest in internal or external ways, but the detachment from experience would be present in all expressions, I suspect.

I think infjs tend to be deeply engaged, compassionate, and empathetic. Yet I also think one of our go-to defense mechanisms is disengagement. I think we regularly go to it in a way that's not destructive for short breathers from life's stress, but when we get locked in disengage mode, then I think the destructive manifestation comes in to play. It may be that one would self-destruct, or it might be that one would lack a sense of restraint in engaging with the external environment. In that stage of disengagement a sense of compassion would not be accessible, for self or other. One also may no longer feel concern about crossing boundary lines because the sense of empathy with the environment would have been cut off.

I've done self-destructive things in that state of detachment, but I don't have a sense of how it may have manifested externally. I do think I can get very demanding and bossy when I'm under stress. I can tend to be almost obsessively concerned with getting my own needs met and unaware or unconcerned with what other's needs might be. My description is based on what I have of personal experience, a running of imagination, and intuition about how things could play out.
Click to expand...

I can totally relate to all of the above.
 
Being INFJ does not mean that one is exempt from having a poor character....

I've had the mispleasure of knowing one who was actually a stalker and this one had the wildest martyr lust.. always the self-sacrificing sage and yet always the victim. Oh, and bent on self-destruction (or at least the threats thereof) when they didn't get their way.
 
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