INFJ ex-bf moved on really fast

[Milktoast Bandit]

LOL @Milktoast Bandit you talkin to cleve? But you quoted me? I'm confused.

In any case, I still want to hear your views on marriage. I was once a believer. But nowadays, I see old married people and I see love and friendship.

Marriage, just like religion, is also a social construct. But in any case, God exists and love exists. I am however referring to marriage on paper. Union in love is something else.

Ok next. Lol

I'm so dumb. That whole time I was reading I was thinking, Cleve must've had something good to drink or something. Lol at any rate, I disagree with your views on marriage but everything else was great! Lolo

 

[ClevelandINTP]

Door slams indicate a separation of being. No such amnesties or values of power being given to any one entity. It's just the end. That's all.

you literally said doorslams are given more grace for the emotionally intense. that one statement alone generates a lot of intuitive assumptions about how a relationship with that person can develop

namely, what i described

 

[ClevelandINTP]

do those who have doorslammed not start new relationships?

 

[mintoots]

the marriage thing was merely to point out people are favoring individuality and their subjective personal values and goals more and more. if that's true, then i would expect relationships to end much more frequently. if more relationships are ending, my intuition would think doorslams may be as well. the only counter to lowered rates of doorslams is that because people can no longer get to those intense, intimate heart-to-heart relationships, then perhaps doorslams don't happen as much because of the lack of intensity to close off

Door slams are permanent. Not tools. When a door slams, it's fully shut. I don't know about others but it takes a LOT for me to door slam. Rather than individuality, I am only exercising my right to choose the relationship and love that doesn't destroy each other. Sometimes we still love people and we want to make it work, there won't be a door slam. Sometimes we still love people, we want to make it work, but it is apparent on the bigger picture that it is best to let go, then doorslam for survival.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

Door slams are permanent. Not tools. When a door slams, it's fully shut. I don't know about others but it takes a LOT for me to door slam. Rather than individuality, I am only exercising my right to choose the relationship and love that doesn't destroy each other. Sometimes we still love people and we want to make it work, there won't be a door slam. Sometimes we still love people, we want to make it work, but it is apparent on the bigger picture that it is best to let go, then doorslam for survival.

do those who have doorslammed not start new relationships?

 

[mintoots]

you literally said doorslams are given more grace for the emotionally intense. that one statement alone generates a lot of intuitive assumptions about how a relationship with that person can develop

namely, what i described

That's what I mean. That's not a doorslam, it's a manipualtive tactic.

 

[mintoots]

They do but not with the one shut out.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

That's what I mean. That's not a doorslam, it's a manipualtive tactic.

'
not at all. you must not have been in a relationship with an infj before lol

 

[mintoots]

I'm so dumb. That whole time I was reading I was thinking, Cleve must've had something good to drink or something. Lol at any rate, I disagree with your views on marriage but everything else was great! Lolo

Hahahhahahahahahahahahahaha it didn't sound like me at all? Hahahhahahaha

But it is true that marriage is a social construct. Union in love is a different story to me entirely. Lol why is this so complicated?

 

[ClevelandINTP]

They do but not with the one shut out.

it's the same thing. it's likely they carry the same attitudes towards slams forward and have similar sensitivities

that was the point

 

[mintoots]

'
not at all. you must not have been in a relationship with an infj before lol

LOL. Clearly so.

My ten cents, it's your feelings about this INFj that's wringing you. It's not the INFJ wringing you on purpose. You're affected because you can't help but let yourself be affected.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

LOL. Clearly so.

My ten cents, it's your feelings about this INFj that's wringing you. It's not the INFJ wringing you on purpose. You're affected because you can't help but let yourself be affected.

not at all. it's the slam, and what it means. the infj is afforded more protection from negative consequences to their outbursts or negative behavior than the inverse. i've seen this happen to others as well

 

[Milktoast Bandit]

Hahahhahahahahahahahahahaha it didn't sound like me at all? Hahahhahahaha

But it is true that marriage is a social construct. Union in love is a different story to me entirely. Lol why is this so complicated?

It didn't sound like Cleveland at all!!!

Lol why is this so complicated?

Because I'm am idiot and I thought Cleveland said what you said!!!!!!

 

[mintoots]

it's the same thing. it's likely they carry the same attitudes towards slams forward and have similar sensitivities

that was the point

Attitude problems are different. This is what I mean when I say when one loves first, one must love oneself. One has no business loving others if love for self is not at least rooting.

INFJs take a looooooong time to find love and an even longer time nurturing it. Sometimes, even when it's wrong, they still do it. That indicates a personal problem in emotional growth. That indicates not being ripe for love, yet.

Fixing oneself has to be done and it's best done without the collateral damage of another's emotions. Let's not just talk mbti here, consider the life and being of that person. Think of who they are, how they came to be that way.... That's what loving another is. It is not accounting their thought process to a theory, only.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

not a perfect analogy on behavior so i'm sure this will get played with, but humor me...

it's like how small dogs can be more vicious than big dogs. the small dogs are seen as small; therefore, they get away with things. whereas if the big dog acts out, it gets disciplined much more

that's how i feel about infjs

 

[ClevelandINTP]

it's all relative

 

[mintoots]

not a perfect analogy on behavior so i'm sure this will get played with, but humor me...

it's like how small dogs can be more vicious than big dogs. the small dogs are seen as small; therefore, they get away with things. whereas if the big dog acts out, it gets disciplined much more

that's how i feel about infjs

Don't ever generalise, Cleve. Everybody is sorely different. That's why there should never be another one like the one we love (or want to marry).

 

[mintoots]

it's all relative

Yes, especially so with humans who are filled with brain processing, emotions, demons, that are far more complex than we'd ever understand.

 

[ClevelandINTP]

Don't ever generalise, Cleve. Everybody is sorely different. That's why there should never be another one like the one we love (or want to marry).

all i'm saying is they, in my experience, create imbalanced relationships. your statements of having such high expectations and sensitivity reinforce my perception

 

[mintoots]

all i'm saying is they, in my experience, create imbalanced relationships. your statements of having such high expectations and sensitivity reinforce my perception

An imbalanced relationship is two people who are better off without each other.