INFJ Dating

[Ignatius413]

A college friend of mine is hooking me up with a girl from her school, and I'm a bit unsure of what to make of it. I suppose she looks nice and everything, and she was very kind to me when I first met her, but I honestly have no idea how to feel about this sort of thing. The last girlfriend I had ended out horribly for me, so I've pretty much shunned dating for the last year.

I'm kinda intrigued though, about the prospect of a blind date. I've never met her in person (called her a few times though), and I'll be going out for a night on the town in a few days. There's a small amount of anxiety and unsureness in me, as I'm not sure what to expect from this encounter.

Advice? Comments?

 

[Ecton]

I think you should not only "relax and enjoy it", you should invest some energy into thinking about how you can make it a really fun time, regardless of how you two work out.

 

[dicember]

INFJs are really good at long term relationships as long as you get through the first few months alive.

you know, there's the 3 phases of the relationship process. the first few weeks is the intense attraction "fling" stage when hormones are going crazy and you just want each other. if you get into this phase, it's good, because it's the gate keeper so to speak. and you need to get into this phase if u want to get to phase 2 or phase 3.

phase 2 is the attraction stage. it starts at a few weeks and may last until a few months or a year or 2. basically, the initial hormone high of being newly dating has worn off. now, your affinity for each other switches to a different set of hormones, and if the relationship goes well, the transition from hormones set 1 to hormones set 2 would be smooth. attraction is more an emotional attraction.

phase 3 is the hardest to get to. that is also why the biggest trouble that most relationships go through is at the few year stage. now is when the hormone of attraction wear off. your brains have given you all the hormones it can to force you to have sex and make babies. phase 3 is gravity stage, or attachment stage. it is much more subtle, but if you can make it work, then it is much stronger and long lasting.

INFJs are masters of stages 3. ESFP are masters of stage 1. Too bad western media and culture is all about stage 1, so likewise, culture almost worships ESFP. INFJs are just as important, but we just don't get the spotlight.

still, i envy those ESFPs!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHH!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya =(

 

[BlitheBriley]

My advice is to stay open. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to make it work out. Just relax and get to know her. You don't have to feel anything yet. (I know, easier said than done.) Maybe think of it as hanging out with a new friend rather than a date. The words "date" and "dating" tend to make me feel pressured.

I wish you the best and hope you have a great time.