Blithe, you're so sweet! No, thank YOU for starting the thread...
As you could probably see already by the extensive convo I've been having with someone else, I'm stuck in a situation that is very icky concerning all of this. When I just reflect upon the loves I've had in my life (not that I've had many), I feel crushed. I'm still young---20---but I haven't really been comfortable enough to be in a relationship. All of the chances I've had to be in one have been fluttery, broken-winged, something-not-right, hesitation, self bitterness, fear. Just this once I was brave and thought I could heal this bitterness inside of me. But it didn't work. It wasn't meant to be.
I don't know when I'm going to get out of this hole that this life filled with grey-colored people...I'm searching for someone who is so vivid, alive, not afraid. But unfortunately, I think there aren't many that are like that...