According Kiersey author of "Please understand Me I and II" the formula for an ideal match is ignore the first letter, the second must match, important since S or N largely determines how you view the world, and flip the last two. This comes out to for INTP E\I(NFJ). I've found this largely to be true. I tested a lot of my friends and found they either married or were at least attracted to their theoretical match. I did find this out however in some cases the theoretical match works best in one direction. Meaning the male is always this personality and the female is always the other. With ENTP, INTP and INFJ. I think the best match is female ENTP male INFJ and male INTP and female INFJ. I know from personal experience female INFJ's are attracted to male INTP's however it doesn't quite work as well the other way around. Are male INFJ especially attracted to female ENTP's?
Ideal matches according to Kiersey temperment sorter
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Not to be mean to those types here, but (for the most part) the ones that I met in real life; I really dislike INTP's as they are hard to read, overly logical, and horribly boring. I really really dislike ENTP's because they don't plan anything, are disorganized, and there egos are bigger then texas. It would never work in a relationship. For me the ideal type would be ENTJ.
As an INTP, I've been attracted to many types tbh. ENTPs, INFJs (only when mature people), sometimes ENTJs (when they're mature people), and ENFPs seem to be the most common. I haven't met a female INTJ yet, so that may be a possibility too. Female INTPs have potential, I just rarely meet them and I don't like most other INTPs unless they're more mature and have gotten over the "have to contradict everything everyone says and pull facts out of nowhere just to win the argument" phase that most young INTPs seem to go through.
I can really see where people think INTPs are boring...we're terribly shy and hard to read (as you mentioned), so we come off as just uninteresting/uninterested often enough.
However (even though I'm usually not terribly fond of other INTPs), we're often extraordinarly interesting people when we get comfortable...we come out of the shell and we are extremely passionate about our favored subjects. We can be exceptionally insightful when we allow Ne to surface.
So on the shallow level we're maybe the most boring people you can meet...closed off, often uncharismatic, very difficult to read, and usually shy. We don't, at all (even in our day to day life), operate on the surface levels. Our greatest difficulty, in fact, is taking care of practical stuff. As people, we operate almost completely on the deep/conceptual/inside level. We focus on it almost exclusively, and it's that level (and our passionate subjects) you have to address to get anything out of INTPs. If you do that, though, I think you will find us exceptionally rewarding.
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Shai Gar
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Shai Gar
I can't see it. You guys might be hard to read, but that's why we have language, to ask what's in your thoughts or minds. I am addicted to INTP women, because there's always something going on inside. They've also got a fantastic ability to cut my ego down to size with a comment. I love the imagination and ability to map out directions for the imagination.
Intoxicating.
The Keirsey theories are entirely unfounded conjecture. There were no relationship satisfaction surveys to support the assumptions.
Real relationship satisfaction surveys have found NFJs to have the highest compatibility satisfaction of any type with other NFJs. It's something close to 85% if memory serves.
NTPs and NFJs are intensely antagonistic to each others' thought processes. I've never seen this work. These relationships always end badly.
I have seen NTPs do very well with SFJs. The reason for this is simple. NTPs and SFJs share the same cognitive functions, just in different preference order.
Similarly, I've seen NFJs do very well with STPs, for the same reasons.
Real relationship satisfaction surveys have found NFJs to have the highest compatibility satisfaction of any type with other NFJs. It's something close to 85% if memory serves.
NTPs and NFJs are intensely antagonistic to each others' thought processes. I've never seen this work. These relationships always end badly.
I have seen NTPs do very well with SFJs. The reason for this is simple. NTPs and SFJs share the same cognitive functions, just in different preference order.
Similarly, I've seen NFJs do very well with STPs, for the same reasons.
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I understand what you are trying to say, but I am doubtful if an INTP could work for me, they would have to have a decent hold, and trust of Ni for it to work. the INTP's that I have known, bothered me because they would shoot down my Ni ideas/feelings right away when I brought them up, and had little compassion with it. Everything had to have a logical answer and if it didn't it was wrong. And god forbid I had a different opinion from them. Clear, open communication is one of the most (if not the most) important thing for me in relationships, and most INTP's don't see this, or want to acknowlage this.
Many people aren't interested on that linguistic level. Most Fe people tend to operate much more off implied meaning and schema-driven thinking (this and this go together/most people that are X also have trait Y) over more literal forms of communication. An INTP operates very much in a literal, don't-mean-anything-other-then-what-I-say way.
So to those people (and INFJs definately are the former type), we can appear very boring on the surface.
This aspect of us very often offends feelers, but most INTPs aren't trying to shoot you down without compassion or mercy, I promise. INTPs have a love of truth. We view debate (not arguments...not confrontational type stuff, but point/counter-point debate) as an incredible tool to learn. As we mature we have a love of being proven wrong possibly more then we do of convincing that we're right. It's exciting to have our preconceptions truly challenged (and challenging challenges are so rare).
So we play devil's advocate often enough. We appear hostile to types that actively avoid confrontation. Fe types particularly are jostiled by this. Si types tend to view it as an argument when it's really just a debate, and Si can be very argumentative and will get angry at it. SPs generally don't care, and at worst become passive-aggressive as they view it as argumentation too...as hostile when it isn't meant to be.
It's a big reason INTPs can have difficulty with people...we're not being hostile when we're doing it...we're actually pursuing what we see as opportunity for intellectual growth.
I couldn't ever dream of falling for a non-intuitive. The SFJs I meet in real life make me want to cry and curse American non-education for producing such intellectually unreasonable people. I'm sure there are great SFJs in the world and they're intelligent, compassionate and reasonable people, I've just yet to meet them.
It's my opinion that INTPs should be with an NT or NFP, but that's just me. Developing Ne is a huge factor, so ENTPs and ENFPs are very healthy for an INTP.
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Shai Gar
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Yes, I do understand this as well. But as you said, I end up viewing it differently then INTP's do. I simply don't operate that way. I don't want to debate, argue, ect ideas and opinions. I want to discuss them without having to find a right or wrong answer, simply so I can enlighten myself and others around me can enlighten themselves as well. Call me immature, but Ne, and Ti are of low use in me (which would explain my relative disdain with xNTP's), the former I don't trust, and the latter I am just bad at using. For me I don't find it exicting when my ideas and opinions are challenged. I like to be presented with something to think about, and take time to reflect and process it, then discuss it. If anything it makes me highly defensive because it makes me feel forced to reevaulate something I don't feel needs to be at that time. I'm sure you have noticed, but I duck out of many debates here, and it is partly do to that reason. The other reason is, I largely don't see the point to all arguments, as I will see them going nowhere. I like to talk things out, and then process them in my mind. Ni is slow, unlike Ne, and I can't call on stuff in rapid succession and need to take time to reflect on stuff. Also, I need to look for hidden meanings in things, I can't not do that. Where as with xNTP's, they don't try to read between lines.
Do understand though, that with myself, I have been putting A LOT of effort into explaining how I feel about things, how I think about things, and what my ideas are in a clear and concice way, so it isn't like I am not trying.
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INFJ males vs. INFJ females
I have in ,retrospect, known 4 INFJ males and 2 females. No offense to INFJ males but all of them had ego issues. 2 refused to admit they were INFJ's, because they could not fess up to having such internal feelings, and the other two felt they were smarter than they were. Still was able to get along with the just fine but there were issues. The females were a whole another story. I do have to admit they are sensitive so I had to watch what I said but other than that they were great.
I have in ,retrospect, known 4 INFJ males and 2 females. No offense to INFJ males but all of them had ego issues. 2 refused to admit they were INFJ's, because they could not fess up to having such internal feelings, and the other two felt they were smarter than they were. Still was able to get along with the just fine but there were issues. The females were a whole another story. I do have to admit they are sensitive so I had to watch what I said but other than that they were great.
Exactly, same with me. A lot of times when I'm discussing with people (I don't know there MBTI) I end up in an endless argument of right or wrong. End then I get the comment that I always want to be right. But when I consider it, it is NOT that I want to be right. I just want to discuss the subject and explore all sides and posibilities to it without taking a position. For example some people are discussing a certain topic and I bring in an other point of view that can give an interesting turn to the whole discussion and suddenly without realising it I'm on trial for that point of view and have to defence it with my live. I'm not interesting in being right but in keeping all posibility's open but somehow I'm always drawn into the wrong/right trap, leaving me unsatisfied and irritated.
is that a INTP thing? "My opinion is always right and I will prove you that you are wrong?"
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So... for me it would be an I/ENTJ. That seems alright to me, but then again I only know two INTJs at the current moment. One is male and another is female.
I don't know how well the relationship would be with her, but she's more of a feeler than she thinks she is. Though I have noted that she doesn't really like to talk at great length... But I can tell she has more dept to her than she puts out (I'm sure I come across the same way to most people...) so I don't really know if that would actually work in real life or not.
I've always heard that INFP with another INFP is good because they just kind of click and with all of the INFPs I know... I can definitely see how that could work. I've also heard that ENFP/INFP relationships work well because they balance themselves out, but I don't know how truthful that statement is because I don't know any ENFPs.
Kiersey's Temperament isn't the best thing to go by anyways...
I don't know how well the relationship would be with her, but she's more of a feeler than she thinks she is. Though I have noted that she doesn't really like to talk at great length... But I can tell she has more dept to her than she puts out (I'm sure I come across the same way to most people...) so I don't really know if that would actually work in real life or not.
I've always heard that INFP with another INFP is good because they just kind of click and with all of the INFPs I know... I can definitely see how that could work. I've also heard that ENFP/INFP relationships work well because they balance themselves out, but I don't know how truthful that statement is because I don't know any ENFPs.
Kiersey's Temperament isn't the best thing to go by anyways...
INFP and INFP can actually be a pretty volatile mix. (It's not impossible, though.)
I kind of have this theory that INFP people develop from dysfunctional backgrounds and have lots of baggage. The theory could be completely bunk, but i've noticed it's relevence in myself and other INFPs I know.
I don't really think that's the case with ENFPs, though. I've only known a few. My best friend is an ENFP and whenever we start talking about things we've discovered whilst introspecting, we remark on how similiar our inner worlds are.
I'm dating someone who I suspect is ENFP.. (Or maybe an extremely thoughtful and angsty ESFP?) And we pretty much bonded automatically in a similiar way that my female ENFP friend did.
I think INFP and ENFP would probably be great together..
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I completely agree with your theory. I come from a very dysfunctional background and I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression because of the years of mental and physical abuse I received at the schools I've gone to. I think I would refer to that as baggage, lol.
And really? I would think they compliment each other quiet well. And it's a little upsetting to hear especially since I currently have a crush on an INFP. But I guess at the end of the day it depends on the people involved and not just four letters.
I think that could be because ENFPs (If I recall correctly...) are the most introverted of the extroverted types... if that makes sense. Plus, I mean... they're only one letter off so they're bound to have similarities with INFPs. Though I could be wrong.
Two INFPs could definitely work, given they've taken the time to seriously deal with their issues so that they don't spill onto the other person and thus make the relationship dysfunctional. Sometimes, INFPs glom onto one another because they recognize the intense sensitivity and idealism and background of pain in one another and they think "this person could understand me." But it's not easy. I've found, people such as this in relationships expect the other person to fix them. That's impossible. The expectations are so high it causes tension and alienation and volatility.