" I never tell anyone this stuff "

Altruistic Muse

Altruistic Muse

Community Member
MBTI
INFJ
Enneagram
4?
Hey, I haven't been on the forums for so long! Guess it coincides with starting my new job and working really odd hours. Also I've changed my username (I used to be Nicola Jane).

Anyway, this thread is about hearing those words. Having been only two months at this company I have had to travel between offices and meet a lot of new people. I am a trainee land surveyor, and although it is a struggle a little bit with the overly technical work, I find that there is ample time for getting to know new people. Last night I was talking to a guy there that I would now consider my friend. He has later turned out to be a borderline infj/intj, so we have pretty intense conversations quite happily. Early in the night we were chatting about his family back home and it turned out to be pretty complicated. He stopped a few times and said ok I'm not going to go too deep into this because I don't know you well enough. At which stage I thought well that's strange because I feel like I know a lot about you. However on considering this I realised some of the things I "knew" were perceptions of him and what my intuition told me were true....

Regardless of this, as the night went on, he was talking to me more and more. And by the end of the night he was telling me all about his love live and his insecurities. He said I probably knew more about him than most people in the company now ( and he's been there 6 years). These conversations are I think the reason why I love being an infj at times. I don't even try, yet people are happy to tell me things, and to come to me for advice or resolution. Does anyone else love how people are amazed how easily they can talk to you? Or how they are freaked out by things you know about their character when you shouldn't know them well at all? It really makes me feel happy and different, in a good way :)
 
I definitely enjoy it. But sometimes it can be an enabler for me not to be open with other people because I'm too busy learning about them to give anything and they're too busy giving to take. Double-edged sword, I suppose.

People claim it's because I'm a "good listener," but altogether I find things just as much as when I'm doing the talk as when others are.
 
I agree with this response for sure. I think I get some satisfaction out of holding back on things, so that people don't see the whole me. And I guess I kind of judge who needs to speak more, out of me and the other person at that time. And if I am in listening mode, then I don't give very much at all. It tends to be asking leading questions to try to get the person to discuss things if I think it will help them. I may be getting better at listening and worse at being open right now actually. If I have to discuss love for example, I sound like a robot :P
 
Afrelen said:
I definitely enjoy it. But sometimes it can be an enabler for me not to be open with other people because I'm too busy learning about them to give anything and they're too busy giving to take. Double-edged sword, I suppose.
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^^ This. :)

It is a warm and welcome feeling for me, because I genuinely love getting to know people. What I hate is when I don't have enough time to do so. But it does feel good to be the kind of person people perceive as open and understanding and in turn the kind they're willing to open up to. Being a sounding board is something I truly enjoy being for others, and although it's quite rare, it's nice when I, too, can find that in someone else.
 
Yeah I dunno I've had really bad experience with this. Certain types (mostly ENFPs) will tell me what sounds like intimate details about their life, will explain they've never confided in anyone else and not to tell anyone else. Then one of my other friends will call me one day and explain that the person in question just told them blah blah blah, but don't tell anybody else because so and so only told my friend. Well, I'll respond with cutting her off and finishing the details and then we know that our friend just goes around and tells everyone these things. I was fairly disappointed with for as close as I thought I was to my INTP friend, he didn't tell me that his mother was a heavy alcholic and that is why he was depressed all the time, I had to hear it from the grapevine. The only person who I can say ever honestly confided in me and nobody else is this esfp lad, and that made me feel pretty aweso that SOMEONE finally confided in me something they don't just blab to everyone.
 
I spent 20 years in broadcasting producing/directing short-form documentaries. It was awesome work! Anyway, we worked primarily on human interest types of pieces and so it was my priviledge to sit across the table from some pretty awesome people and just interview them. We had had plenty of pre-interviews over the phone just to get the story right, but this was the time to get not just the facts (the narrator covered this) but the inner/deeper meaning behind the immediate facts. I always the primary interview first...and there was some sort of sacred trust established at these moments (a trust I never once broke as we shot, edited, and aired the piece). If was an odd kind of conversation...not completely two-way, I just asked and asked and we went deeper and deeper. It was fascinating...and as you might guess we were best buds by the end of the taping. On more than one occasion the interviewee made connections they had not considered in their life before...it was an opportunity for self-exploration.

Anyway, I certainly saw the value of listening...the value for me!! These moments were magical, and of course given that months of reviewing interviews, scripting, editing and the rest I got to spend a lot of time with these people's thoughts. Over the course of 20 years, this definitely enriched and altered my life.
 
I enjoy getting to know people and I'm definitely always surprised at how quickly people open up to me especially because people usually get a completely wrong first impression of me. Evidently, I'm hard to approach if you don't know me. It might have something to do with my default facial expression being something like :l or maybe :/

But yeah, people love talking to me and telling me about their problems. I'm fine with it because I prefer to listen anyway.
 
randomsomeone said:
I spent 20 years in broadcasting producing/directing short-form documentaries. It was awesome work! Anyway, we worked primarily on human interest types of pieces and so it was my priviledge to sit across the table from some pretty awesome people and just interview them. We had had plenty of pre-interviews over the phone just to get the story right, but this was the time to get not just the facts (the narrator covered this) but the inner/deeper meaning behind the immediate facts. I always the primary interview first...and there was some sort of sacred trust established at these moments (a trust I never once broke as we shot, edited, and aired the piece). If was an odd kind of conversation...not completely two-way, I just asked and asked and we went deeper and deeper. It was fascinating...and as you might guess we were best buds by the end of the taping. On more than one occasion the interviewee made connections they had not considered in their life before...it was an opportunity for self-exploration.

Anyway, I certainly saw the value of listening...the value for me!! These moments were magical, and of course given that months of reviewing interviews, scripting, editing and the rest I got to spend a lot of time with these people's thoughts. Over the course of 20 years, this definitely enriched and altered my life.
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I dream of such a Career...
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Jayce said:
I enjoy getting to know people and I'm definitely always surprised at how quickly people open up to me especially because people usually get a completely wrong first impression of me. Evidently, I'm hard to approach if you don't know me. It might have something to do with my default facial expression being something like :l or maybe :/

But yeah, people love talking to me and telling me about their problems. I'm fine with it because I prefer to listen anyway.
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At least people don't read your default face like they do mine. Which is: >:|
 
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