I need a female's perspective

[mattles]

Billy, you're making yourself look bad. Honestly, I've gotten the perspectives I've needed and if I'm being honest none of them are from you. Spend more time talking to people who care about what you think. And yes, Psychologist, but let me ask you what makes you more qualified than me to dispense advice on any subject? Have you studied psychology and graduated a year early because of intense studious behaviors only to be the youngest one in your program for a MASTERS degree with the second highest marks? What do you do for a living that makes you more qualified to dispense knowledge on this subject?

It may actually be something relevant, but my best guess is that its probably not.

You may be a great guy, this is something I don't know, but now it is unfortunately something I don't care to find out. I, honestly and sincerely, wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck with the child.

And Arbygil, I hadn't considered that, being viewed as a more father/friend type. What had happened in my last relationship is that she had needed the help and she didn't have anyone to turn to. I didn't necessarily feel obligated nor did I really jump at the chance to help, but I did anyway. That would make quite a bit of sense that feelings could dissipate, albeit more slowly, over a period of time if how she saw me started to change. One fact I didn't put out there is that she left me for a guy she knew for a month because he said she was his soulmate and proposed to her. That was two months before we actually broke up so, maybe the hopeful part of me, maybe there was conflict, but because her view of me changed she ultimately chose the other guy.

 

[Billy]

Billy, you're making yourself look bad. Honestly, I've gotten the perspectives I've needed and if I'm being honest none of them are from you. Spend more time talking to people who care about what you think. And yes, Psychologist, but let me ask you what makes you more qualified than me to dispense advice on any subject? Have you studied psychology and graduated a year early because of intense studious behaviors only to be the youngest one in your program for a MASTERS degree with the second highest marks? What do you do for a living that makes you more qualified to dispense knowledge on this subject?

It may actually be something relevant, but my best guess is that its probably not.

You may be a great guy, this is something I don't know, but now it is unfortunately something I don't care to find out. I, honestly and sincerely, wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck with the child.

Good grades and school work doesn't make you anything... ask Albert Einstein, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. touting your credentials may be enough to woo someone with a weak mind, but it doesn't do much else. WHat I do for a living, well... for one I have been rather successful with women. All your psychology studies aside and you cant even figure out the most basic elements of dealing with a woman who has caught your eye... if thats not a dead ringer for psychology isnt very useful, (to you) I dont know what is.

But, this is my last post here on this thread, good luck with the ladies, drop me a line when you have realized I was right. Cheers.

 

[Bird]

:flypig:

 

[TheLastMohican]

Good grades and school work doesn't make you anything... ask Albert Einstein, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

Where there are exceptions, there is a rule.

 

[Billy]

Where there are exceptions, there is a rule.

Intelligence is the exception, banality is the rule.

 

[Trifoilum]

Now now,

Billy is an INFJ. Completely INFJ.
Just one with different outlook of life. Most of us have different outlooks on life, really. (that being said.....*looks at Billy sheepishly* do consider not verbally stripping them too soon?)
As per intelligence, eeeeh, since when intelligence is the sole ingredient of success?

For mattles; glad you ran away from that train of thought. Have integrity. Even at times when you might be wrong. \o/
If you feel verbally assaulted by people's words and claims here.... I think that is a different matter altogether. And really, the only answer you can give most people here, in this case, is proof.

Either you're alright and/or you're not, there's little to nothing else we can say. It's up to you to create your own path.

 

[FamineGT]

The only thing I can sort of think of is that things seemed too safe, secure and predictable. I don't think women like it when a dating relationship hits that status. It may be nice coming from a friend, but as arbygil mentioned, it doesn't make for good dating material. I've been dumped by women with this being one of the primary reasons.

This is not to say that you have to be a total ass to them. Even little things can help like playful teasing, unexpected displays of affection, and/or changes of outings, venues and activities outside of your normal routine will do wonders for a relationship. This also is dependant on the female as well. My gf is more tolerant of me being boring and predictable because we have a special connection with each other that she wouldn't feel with anyone else. If you can make a woman feel a certain way that is unique to just you, it will definitely up the chances in forming a lasting relationship.

 

[44sunsets]

now, heres the thing. i have gotten quite good advice from you lot so far, but herein lies the problem. I dont have a problem letting my intentions known, nor do i really have any problems with confidence.
..
Not to say that in the "im such a horrible person and no one will care about me" kind of way, but that theres something unappealing to females. Im not the most attractive guy, but i make do, so what ive gathered is that maybe its something with my personality.
..
Is there anything about INFJ males that you find unappealing?

It's pretty hard to figure out from forum posts what the hangup could be. There's nothing about being an INFJ per se that would make them unattractive to women. In fact, hardcore manly INFJs would be really attractive to a lot of women (think Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr etc)

However, having said that... a lot of young INFJs tend to be the ultimate nice guys and wussies. Now I know you said you don't think this is the case with you, but maybe you should get a second opinion, especially from your guy friends, and especially from guy friends who are good with women.

Oh BTW I agree with everything Billy said. You should be thanking him for his insights instead of being indignant and insulting. I originally replied after reading your first post, didn't expect thing to turn sour like that.

This is my blanket advice for men in this position (and lesbians, who get friend-zoned more than any man ever could in his worst nightmares):

You have to let the ladies you're interested in know you're interested in them before they begin to see you as a friend. Seriously, it's just as annoying from the other side. I love having male friends who are just friends. So I'll get really close to a guy over a few months, or a year, or two years and then they're like "btw I want to date you." And there goes the friendship.
...
Then wait it out until you find someone you're compatible with. This takes an unbearably long time for everyone, not just INFJs (though INFJs seem to get a lot more stressed out about it). And don't give a woman more than you can afford to lose.

This is brilliant and insightful advice.

one thing I've learned on my quest for a girlfriend - do not ask for a female perspective on why you can't get one. Because honestly they do not know and are not supposed to know. It's a binary switch: either they feel attracted or they do not.

Some do know and are able to explain attraction in layman's terms, but many do not know and have no idea. A lot of guys who are good with women can't explain themselves either, for that matter.

The only thing I can sort of think of is that things seemed too safe, secure and predictable. I don't think women like it when a dating relationship hits that status. It may be nice coming from a friend, but as arbygil mentioned, it doesn't make for good dating material. I've been dumped by women with this being one of the primary reasons.

This is a brilliant point as well. Boredom and monotony always spells doom for attraction. This is why SPs (Artisans) are so popular with the ladies, because they're exciting and unpredictable.

 

[Korg]

Always be honest. Not just with women, but with everything and everyone in life. You'll be amazed at how quickly your circumstances will align with your real desires.

Anyway, if you like a girl, go up to her and tell her why. Skip all the bullshit.

 

[mpsockeye]

Are you sure?, that sounds crazy, like it could really back fire on ya.

 

[Bird]

Are you sure?, that sounds crazy, like it could really back fire on ya.

Then you get over it

 

[Nixie]

Perhaps it is an issue of overthink? I think Billy had some really good advice for you too. Billy is a no BS kinda guy and he doesn't really play games or sugercoat crap for anybody. I have never known him to be malicious--perhaps a bit roughshod but I think that is refreshing. Korg also has really good advice.

I will add, you can't be a boyfriend and daddy or shrink or anything else--it doesn't work. If you give mixed signals you get mixed results.

 

[tfg345i4u5lw]

This just so happens to be my first post and I fear that this one may be the most relevant post I will ever contribute to these forums. Heres a little background information before my question...

I am a true INFJ male, there was no category in which it was possible that at time I could be described as anything else but INFJ. I have had the worst luck with women, for whatever reason I always seem to meet the ones who just eventually hurt me in pretty significant ways. For whatever reason it doesn't quite matter what I do because it always has ended that way. That is to say, though, that things only end that way when they, by some sort of miracle, actually start. The hardest thing is actually finding a female who has feelings for me that are more than friendship. The question I want to ask some of you females is this...

What is it about INFJ males that make them unsuitable to be with? Maybe its not a question of suitability, but how is it that females never seem to respond to INFJ males in that way?

One thing that I've noticed is that a lot of INFJ males are always the best friend, or even just the casual friend or acquaintance. Any input would be greatly appreciated and very helpful.

Here is my advise. Take care of yourself and somehow someway find a good job that makes you lots of money. Once you have money the women come easy, too easy. Women are attracted to men with power. Money=Power=Women.

 

[Billy]

Here is my advise. Take care of yourself and somehow someway find a good job that makes you lots of money. Once you have money the women come easy, too easy. Women are attracted to men with power. Money=Power=Women.

Not the kind of women you want to keep.

 

[Tamagochi]

Anyway, if you like a girl, go up to her and tell her why. Skip all the bullshit.

Nah, it does not work. Tried it. Multiple times In the aftermath the girl just feels terrible for not feeling anything towards me. The only exception would be is she was already attracted before the honesty act.

 

[jn56uytrx]

Always be honest. Not just with women, but with everything and everyone in life. You'll be amazed at how quickly your circumstances will align with your real desires.

Anyway, if you like a girl, go up to her and tell her why. Skip all the bullshit.

Nah, it does not work. Tried it. Multiple times In the aftermath the girl just feels terrible for not feeling anything towards me. The only exception would be is she was already attracted before the honesty act.

Um, I think that's kind of the point. Honesty is not a manipulation tactic. If it's being used to manipulate a particular response, then it's not honest. Being honest about how you feel does not necessitate any particular response on the other person's part. It simply means people know where they stand.

 

[Korg]

Um, I think that's kind of the point. Honesty is not a manipulation tactic. If it's being used to manipulate a particular response, then it's not honest. Being honest about how you feel does not necessitate any particular response on the other person's part. It simply means people know where they stand.

Exactly.

Tamagochi,
Honesty doesn't make life easier, it makes it real. And you owe it to yourself to labor under whatever discomfort honesty brings you in order to be a man that is trustworthy - if for no other reason than for the women in your life. They're going to rely on you and want to be vulnerable to you. Honesty makes that a good experience instead of a nerve racking one.

 

[slant]

I need you to define what you mean by 'female'.

 

[aeon]

Always be honest. Not just with women, but with everything and everyone in life. You'll be amazed at how quickly your circumstances will align with your real desires.

Words to live by. :thumb:

Anyway, if you like a girl, go up to her and tell her why. Skip all the bullshit.

With every relationship I

 

[Tamagochi]

Exactly.

Tamagochi,
Honesty doesn't make life easier, it makes it real. And you owe it to yourself to labor under whatever discomfort honesty brings you in order to be a man that is trustworthy - if for no other reason than for the women in your life. They're going to rely on you and want to be vulnerable to you. Honesty makes that a good experience instead of a nerve racking one.

Honesty isn