I. Hate. Funerals. | INFJ Forum

I. Hate. Funerals.

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by arbygil, Dec 22, 2008.

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  1. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    Not a little bit, either. Not the least bit. I loathe them. I loathe them so much that if someone asks if I want to go to a funeral, I will say "no." I don't necessarily go to funerals I'm obligated to join, either - I did not go to my grandmother's funeral. And that wasn't because I didn't love her, but 1) It would've been too expensive for me to travel there and 2) Honestly? Not my cuppa.

    It's so much overload for me that I physically cannot make it through the ceremony - although I would go if it were someone very close to me, and the funeral took place in the immediate area.

    Of course now, I'm in a funny position: The mother of our college's dean passed away, and we're all "invited" to go to the funeral (read: Almost obligated to go). I have two outs with this - one, I have a doctor's appointment and two, they forgot to send me the email [I'm not on everyone's email list yet]).

    So, hell NO, I'm not going to this. If I didn't even go to my own grandmother's funeral, I'm not going to someone's funeral I barely know. Cards, yes. Flowers, sure. But a massive outpouring of false love? No way. Just...no.

    But this could be more "T" of me than "F"...how do you all feel about funerals and obligations?
     
  2. PoetOfDreams

    PoetOfDreams Shadow Queen

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    I HATE obligations and funerals. Will go if i have to.
     
  3. Silently Honest

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    Can you imagine how it would feel if you had lost someone you loved, and all 400 people come to funeral, where maybe only 50 people should've. Not only that but people who barely knew the passed show up. And then I had a surprise freaking speech out of nowhere.

    Not only do funerals suck, but mourners most of time 300 hundred of them really socialites, suck.
     
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  4. earthtocarrie

    earthtocarrie Regular Poster

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    In Asia, I secretly think the elders like to come to Funerals because of the Mahjong games.

    Generally, I don't mind going to funerals. Especially if the deceased is someone who would like alot of people at his/her funeral.
     
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  5. TK*

    TK* Community Member

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    I've only been to one funeral...my great-grandmother's. I won't be going to any other funerals unless it is for someone in my immediate family or someone I really care about. I don't like looking at dead people...and I don't like being in situations that expect me to put on a "crying show" just because somebody's dead.

    I handle my grief differently than most people. I shouldn't have to put my sorrow on display for all to see just to prove that I cared about this person. Funerals are not for the dead, they're for the living--that being said, I would only go if I felt I needed to go.
     
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  6. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    I like singapore funerals. I've won quite a bit of money at a few of them and got really wasted.
    I hate australian funerals I cry the entire time, hell at one I was crying more than the sister of the guy, and she didn't seem to appreciate that.
     
  7. Motor Jax

    Motor Jax randomness included
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    omgoodness, thats hilarious...

    well, there are always crying, heartbroken chicks at funerals...

    definitely for the living though... i love the living ;) ...
     
  8. PoetOfDreams

    PoetOfDreams Shadow Queen

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    I can't seem to cry when someone's death occur... yet I still do miss them deeply. Like there is something missing.
     
  9. marty44

    marty44 Community Member

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    Thats my one big fear too.I hate dealing with all those people. Shaking hands endlessly with strangers you don't know and strangers you do know!My friend's mother died a few years ago and he just crumbled and couldn't go to the funeral which I completely understood and supported but he said to me ,"How can you say goodbye to a friend in a roomful of strangers?" ,which I thought was very beautiful and true.Catholisicm is still rife in Ireland and I am just refusing to be buried with my family because its in a catholic graveyard.I also would HATE to have loads of people at my funeral(not that there will be,lol!).I really would.I think its so invasive having strangers,people I may not have liked or known standing around talking etc..whilst I get planted!Plus I believe we attend our own funerals from the other side so I want about 3 people there ,tops.If I could bury myself,I would SO do it! Or,I'd like to just get up some morning,go into the hills,find a quiet cave ,get a nice warm wolly blanket and just drift off.
     
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  10. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    Arbygil, I could not have said it better myself.

    I was made to go to 2 in early childhood. The 3rd one I was supposed to go to I stopped halfway down the stairs, all dressed up, sat down and would not budge. I just couldn't go any further. My mother let me stay there and they all went to the funeral without me. My cousin's dog came and sat with me on the stairs. I went to 2 as an adult. That was it. I reached a point where I could not bring myself to go to another.

    I did not go to my grandmother's funeral. The only person in the family who understood this was my mother. I did not go to my father's funeral, but sent his ashes on to his second wife's family (though I did go all the way across the country to make all the arrangements). I did not hold a funeral for my mother, who was so deeply beloved to me, and I to her, and who was my best friend. She would have understood. Other family members understood my choice and supported me; others did not.

    I don't want a funeral.

    I freaking HATE funerals. They make me feel sick. I derive no comfort, nor would I be an appropriate source of comfort to anyone else if I did force myself to attend.
     
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  11. OP
    arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    *Nods.* I think it's also how we set up funerals in the west, too. They're always so dang sad and depressing! I forgot - but you reminded me - that I didn't go to my father's funeral, either. My uncle had a ceremony that scattered his ashes across the California coast, and I kind of like that idea.

    It's hard to say what I'll do with my mother. I really don't want to be unmarried if/when that time comes, though. Sucks to be an only child, sometimes. :p
     
  12. ZenCat

    ZenCat Waving Sage

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    I think it's six of one, half dozen of the other.

    I'm an only child, and it was hard to do what had to be done for both my parents on my own (though my mother helped me with my father's arrangements, though they'd been divorced for 30 years).

    But I have heard enough extremely negative accounts of sibling behavior during illness and/or death to make me think there's something to be said for being able to make those difficult decisions without having to deal with a catastrophic family feud arising from the process.
     
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