How to make female friends? | INFJ Forum

How to make female friends?

earthtocarrie

earthtocarrie

Regular Poster
Nov 6, 2008
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Though am quite aware that the title makes me sound as if some excessively hormonal teenage boy desperate for female company (I'm straight female btw)...

What is a good way to approach females to be friends for a straight female?

To be frank, most of my close friends are guys. Though I have trouble being good friends with girls and building stable lasting friendships with them. I've tried on many occasions, like initating conversations, being there for them when their down (even though at times they make use of me for a listening ear) and I think I'm quite nice to them...but just nothing works out.

*facepalm* I feel so embarassed to ask this, but it's come to a point where I'm very desperate for female company. sdkfhjskdfhsdjkfhsdf
 
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a good way to get the answer is to imagine yourself in that situation. So if someone approached you and wanted to become friends - how would you react, what would you expect? Then just do the same to others and you will start to attract them.
 
The trick is finding girls who don't live the gender. In other words, there are girls out there that don't like the drama-filled, backstabbing lifestyle -- those are the ones you want to befriend.

As for making friends with them....I can't really give you much advice there .__. Just be yourself and hang out with a variety of different people until you find one that works.
 
Yeah, I need some girls.

Some non hetero girls though.

-looks-

I don't see any.

Oh wait why?

Because this is UTAH.

If you lived here and you wanted to meet girls you could just go to bible study.
 
My attitude is don't even try, we women are nutty drama queens.

I wouldn't be friends with myself. I am stressful to be around.
 
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If you're in college/school/university then I recommend sitting next to girls in class/lectures as then you can start talking about work which leads onto friendship usually. Try to show interest in anything they say (if you really want be friends badly with them, if not move on to the next person).
Uhm, not quite sure about how to if you're in work... maybe offer to help them with something?
 
I have the same thing going on. Most of my friends are guys, I just seem to click with them better. I only have a few girlfriends, and I barely have any idea how I've managed to snag their attention and loyalty. To be honest, I'm actually pretty uncomfortable around most women. I'm just not that genteel.

That's not to say that I find women to be drama-queens or whatever anyone else in this thread mentioned. They just remind me of this forced inadequecy because I'm not "lady like" and "alluring" and "well-dressed". But that's my issue, and no one else's. It's pretty unfair of me, actually, to generalize that way.

But the female friends I've got, I've happened to make just by being around and being myself. They appreciate me as I am as I do them.

I don't really think there's a strategy to go about achieving this in a genuine manner. Just be yourself around everyone and eventually another woman will think you're awesome and want to be friends. These things just happen when they happen and can't be forced. Otherwise you'll end up surrounded by some pretty needy and irritating people.
 
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I really don't know, but you could start by changing what you're affirming. Let's assume that affirmations work. There's a good chance that they do, so if you say things like
I have trouble being good friends with girls and building stable lasting friendships with them.
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then that's what you're affirming for yourself, and as the theory goes, that's what you'll attract more of. So allow for the possibility that you can make friends with girls and build lasting friendships with them. Affirm that regularly. Nothing to lose by trying eh? :)
 
If it makes you feel any better, I have a female INFJ friend who has mostly guy friends. I think she has three or four close female friends, and the rest are dudes.

earthtocarrie said:
*facepalm*
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She does this a LOT, too.
 
I have no female friend in real life. I find this to be a problem. hmmmmm Am I really that creepy?lol
 
I've always had mostly guy friends, but I don't dislike girls. I don't actually know why I'm not closer to some of my girl friends.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
I've always had mostly guy friends, but I don't dislike girls. I don't actually know why I'm not closer to some of my girl friends.
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Maybe their jealous of you? I know many women don't like other women because they feel they must compete. :m059:
 
Blind Bandit said:
Maybe their jealous of you? I know many women don't like other women because they feel they must compete. :m059:
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Nah. I think it's mostly because I have less in common with a lot of them. I don't really buy into gender stereotyping. I don't hang around guys that buy into it, either, but I think guys are more prone to being comfortable not being totally "macho." Society is much harder on girls in that respect.

I have some good girl friends -- an INTJ and an ENFJ, actually. The ENFJ is far away, though, so we're not as close as we could be :(
 
gloomy-optimist said:
Nah. I think it's mostly because I have less in common with a lot of them. I don't really buy into gender stereotyping. I don't hang around guys that buy into it, either, but I think guys are more prone to being comfortable not being totally "macho." Society is much harder on girls in that respect.

I have some good girl friends -- an INTJ and an ENFJ, actually. The ENFJ is far away, though, so we're not as close as we could be :(
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Hmm I can't say I know which gender has it worse. But its gets very old.

Hmmm why not find something you all share?

For me that is the hardest part of making friends getting past th associate / not really more than a causal chat buddy. And finding something that we can talk about.
 
I agree with what gloomy-optimist said. Some people just get along better with a certain gender. If you get along better with males, you should try to find a female who has a bit more masculine qualities than the "normal" girl. I don't mean physically; I mean in terms of attitude. A good place to look might be girls who are jocks.

Another possibility is to look for unique people who are androgynous (don't really go with either gender's roles). You'll be able to tell by how they act and the clothes they wear.

If you want girly girl company, then honestly, you're just going to have to learn to communicate in their fashion, whatever that is. I don't know. Girls are ****ing complicated.
 
Blind Bandit said:
Hmm I can't say I know which gender has it worse. But its gets very old.

Hmmm why not find something you all share?

For me that is the hardest part of making friends getting past th associate / not really more than a causal chat buddy. And finding something that we can talk about.
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Yeah, exactly. I think that's why I feel more comfortable around guys, usually -- because I can be crude and all that without it being too weird, and that really helps break the ice :D I know some girls like that too, and those are usually the ones I get along with best :B
 
Just how you would make a guy friend I guess.
 
Dragon said:
I agree with what gloomy-optimist said. Some people just get along better with a certain gender. If you get along better with males, you should try to find a female who has a bit more masculine qualities than the "normal" girl. I don't mean physically; I mean in terms of attitude. A good place to look might be girls who are jocks.

Another possibility is to look for unique people who are androgynous (don't really go with either gender's roles). You'll be able to tell by how they act and the clothes they wear.

If you want girly girl company, then honestly, you're just going to have to learn to communicate in their fashion, whatever that is. I don't know. Girls are ****ing complicated.
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I tend to make friends with androgynous people -- which is why my two best friends are gay and my closest girl friend at the moment is a cutesy yet crude INTJ :D

And really, girls aren't that complicated. They want you to care about what they do; they want you to be concerned about them and their interests and emotions; they want to feel adequate in the measures they take to make themselves worthy of you. Gender dynamics are not nearly as crazy as people make them out to be.
 
gloomy-optimist said:
And really, girls aren't that complicated. They want you to care about what they do; they want you to be concerned about them and their interests and emotions; they want to feel adequate in the measures they take to make themselves worthy of you. Gender dynamics are not nearly as crazy as people make them out to be.
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You're not making any sense you crazy woman. :)

Actually, I would think that what you are saying is true, except that in my experience it doesn't seem to be true. Some girls are weird and don't care if you are interested in their interests/emotions or not. I seem to have a knack for finding and having a crush on these particular women.

Not fun. So no, back to making no sense.
 
That sounds like me.

You really have bad luck, man.
 
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