How to make female friends? | INFJ Forum

How to make female friends?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by earthtocarrie, Sep 16, 2009.

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  1. earthtocarrie

    earthtocarrie Regular Poster

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    Though am quite aware that the title makes me sound as if some excessively hormonal teenage boy desperate for female company (I'm straight female btw)...

    What is a good way to approach females to be friends for a straight female?

    To be frank, most of my close friends are guys. Though I have trouble being good friends with girls and building stable lasting friendships with them. I've tried on many occasions, like initating conversations, being there for them when their down (even though at times they make use of me for a listening ear) and I think I'm quite nice to them...but just nothing works out.

    *facepalm* I feel so embarassed to ask this, but it's come to a point where I'm very desperate for female company. sdkfhjskdfhsdjkfhsdf
     
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    #1 earthtocarrie, Sep 16, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2009
  2. Tamagochi

    Tamagochi Sushi Destroyer
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    a good way to get the answer is to imagine yourself in that situation. So if someone approached you and wanted to become friends - how would you react, what would you expect? Then just do the same to others and you will start to attract them.
     
  3. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    The trick is finding girls who don't live the gender. In other words, there are girls out there that don't like the drama-filled, backstabbing lifestyle -- those are the ones you want to befriend.

    As for making friends with them....I can't really give you much advice there .__. Just be yourself and hang out with a variety of different people until you find one that works.
     
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  4. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Yeah, I need some girls.

    Some non hetero girls though.

    -looks-

    I don't see any.

    Oh wait why?

    Because this is UTAH.

    If you lived here and you wanted to meet girls you could just go to bible study.
     
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  5. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    My attitude is don't even try, we women are nutty drama queens.

    I wouldn't be friends with myself. I am stressful to be around.
     
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    #5 Lucifer, Sep 16, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2009
  6. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    If you're in college/school/university then I recommend sitting next to girls in class/lectures as then you can start talking about work which leads onto friendship usually. Try to show interest in anything they say (if you really want be friends badly with them, if not move on to the next person).
    Uhm, not quite sure about how to if you're in work... maybe offer to help them with something?
     
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  7. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    I have the same thing going on. Most of my friends are guys, I just seem to click with them better. I only have a few girlfriends, and I barely have any idea how I've managed to snag their attention and loyalty. To be honest, I'm actually pretty uncomfortable around most women. I'm just not that genteel.

    That's not to say that I find women to be drama-queens or whatever anyone else in this thread mentioned. They just remind me of this forced inadequecy because I'm not "lady like" and "alluring" and "well-dressed". But that's my issue, and no one else's. It's pretty unfair of me, actually, to generalize that way.

    But the female friends I've got, I've happened to make just by being around and being myself. They appreciate me as I am as I do them.

    I don't really think there's a strategy to go about achieving this in a genuine manner. Just be yourself around everyone and eventually another woman will think you're awesome and want to be friends. These things just happen when they happen and can't be forced. Otherwise you'll end up surrounded by some pretty needy and irritating people.
     
    #7 acd, Sep 16, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2009
  8. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    I really don't know, but you could start by changing what you're affirming. Let's assume that affirmations work. There's a good chance that they do, so if you say things like
    then that's what you're affirming for yourself, and as the theory goes, that's what you'll attract more of. So allow for the possibility that you can make friends with girls and build lasting friendships with them. Affirm that regularly. Nothing to lose by trying eh? :)
     
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  9. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    If it makes you feel any better, I have a female INFJ friend who has mostly guy friends. I think she has three or four close female friends, and the rest are dudes.

    She does this a LOT, too.
     
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  10. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I have no female friend in real life. I find this to be a problem. hmmmmm Am I really that creepy?lol
     
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  11. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I've always had mostly guy friends, but I don't dislike girls. I don't actually know why I'm not closer to some of my girl friends.
     
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  12. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    Maybe their jealous of you? I know many women don't like other women because they feel they must compete. :m059:
     
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  13. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    Nah. I think it's mostly because I have less in common with a lot of them. I don't really buy into gender stereotyping. I don't hang around guys that buy into it, either, but I think guys are more prone to being comfortable not being totally "macho." Society is much harder on girls in that respect.

    I have some good girl friends -- an INTJ and an ENFJ, actually. The ENFJ is far away, though, so we're not as close as we could be :(
     
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  14. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    Hmm I can't say I know which gender has it worse. But its gets very old.

    Hmmm why not find something you all share?

    For me that is the hardest part of making friends getting past th associate / not really more than a causal chat buddy. And finding something that we can talk about.
     
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  15. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I agree with what gloomy-optimist said. Some people just get along better with a certain gender. If you get along better with males, you should try to find a female who has a bit more masculine qualities than the "normal" girl. I don't mean physically; I mean in terms of attitude. A good place to look might be girls who are jocks.

    Another possibility is to look for unique people who are androgynous (don't really go with either gender's roles). You'll be able to tell by how they act and the clothes they wear.

    If you want girly girl company, then honestly, you're just going to have to learn to communicate in their fashion, whatever that is. I don't know. Girls are ****ing complicated.
     
  16. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    Yeah, exactly. I think that's why I feel more comfortable around guys, usually -- because I can be crude and all that without it being too weird, and that really helps break the ice :D I know some girls like that too, and those are usually the ones I get along with best :B
     
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  17. daydreamer

    daydreamer Permanent Fixture

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    Just how you would make a guy friend I guess.
     
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  18. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I tend to make friends with androgynous people -- which is why my two best friends are gay and my closest girl friend at the moment is a cutesy yet crude INTJ :D

    And really, girls aren't that complicated. They want you to care about what they do; they want you to be concerned about them and their interests and emotions; they want to feel adequate in the measures they take to make themselves worthy of you. Gender dynamics are not nearly as crazy as people make them out to be.
     
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  19. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    You're not making any sense you crazy woman. :)

    Actually, I would think that what you are saying is true, except that in my experience it doesn't seem to be true. Some girls are weird and don't care if you are interested in their interests/emotions or not. I seem to have a knack for finding and having a crush on these particular women.

    Not fun. So no, back to making no sense.
     
  20. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    That sounds like me.

    You really have bad luck, man.
     
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