I've gone through a lot of changes in my life adapting to the different environments:
When I was young I was so easy going, relaxed, everything that I said was deliberate, such a kind caring kid, extremely energetic though and pretty fearless though I was bullied a little so I learned to be a little wary and eventually became the most liked kid in the school.
Secondary school changed that, I was bullied quite a bit, lost my energetic nature, I was still kind and gentle but I was definitely far more selective about who I hung about with had no aggressive streak in me but I'm seriously glad that I did martial arts for a long time previously because it stopped me from being a big target, I became quite witty which helped socially quite a lot which in turn decreased the bulling but I learned to become a little invisible, I started hanging around with kids that were drug dealers because they were far more interesting to talk to and far more genuine as friends.
College was just plain boring, I didn't find anything interesting and it was just a constant grind, because of the classes I took I made new friends and they unfortunately kinda clashed with my older ones and I found myself having to defend against people that kinda tested me which....well I admit I did kind of enjoy it on some level but it also sucked sometimes. I played cards a hell of a lot (not really poker or games like that though) and my academics started to really slip because I was just so bored and they didn't hold my interest, instead I would help others in the class if they were struggling and make jokes quite a lot.
Uni...was strange, first year went really well though I found that I was quite....young, a lot of the people there grew up in cities because of where the university was and I grew up in very rural areas so there was quite a lot of differences to adapt to, a couple of people were very distrustful which I found puzzling and sought to try and remedy...which I did...it's just I found myself becoming drained around certain types of people, some were quick to anger others were essentially children though I really did get on with a few, I found that I seemed to attract troubled people some of their patterns were erratic others never seemed to be able to reach happy...it was if they would gradually climb up the ladder towards it but missed a rung and slipped down. I started looking into psychology and it helped give gain a bit of understanding and develop a "self" something that I really lacked, I'd always adapted to the environment, I thought being highly adaptable was the best thing to be to cause the least conflict....which it was, but it was also terribly unhealthy for myself, something of which I never even thought about or even knew I should care about.
Moved to America for a couple of years....that was somewhat hellish, but I also made what I would call a true friend, someone who I didn't have to adapt to and she helped me....find form....*cringes* in lack of a better word anyway.
Arrived back in England aaaaand continued my education, unfortunately I ended up living with complete nut jobs (and no that isn't the technical term...but it is incredibly accurate), again I felt completely out of energy most of the time and took up walking very long distances or pretty doing anything to avoid them however I still had to put up with a hell of a lot of shit and was the only one there who didn't resort to violence, found myself having to talk down people trying to commit suicide, trying to stop my housemates attacking each other with knives, I'd someone wound up essentially starting some sort of free counselling service where my nut job housemates invited their friends over to talk to me about their problems! I quite honestly started to struggle near the end of the year I found that I just couldn't be drained anymore and started to plan and organise my time by setting end goals and planning out my days which reduced the stress a lot and helped me prioritise and look past the social conflict.
Now I'm....a bit more impatient, more grounded...I've still retained my kindness and I always try to help people through problems or try to mediate but I've got a better grasp on my own value now, I'm far more realistic and I'm trying to get on and build a life for myself.
Overall I would say I've changed quite a lot although I've still retained some core qualities which I don't think will ever go. Change is inevitable, if you keep doing what you're doing day in day out the things you do become easier and less stimulating and you're become tired and bored a lot more. Set idealistic long term goals and try to achieve them, sure you probably won't but you will always gain something from it which will make you a better and happier person, the knock backs and failures are all parts of our achievements and it helps us recognise how much they mean to us and it helps us to look for the next thing we want.
We will always change and grow as people that's something that we can never stop, but what's exciting, what's truly great is that we can choose to craft and mould ourselves into the people we want to be if only we're prepared to take the time and the knocks and scrapes to do it. It's what makes life challenging, it's what makes life difficult but it's also what makes life beautiful....and I don't think I'd have it any other way.
