How do you get a girl not to like you anymore but still be friends? | INFJ Forum

How do you get a girl not to like you anymore but still be friends?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by slant, Jun 12, 2009.

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  1. slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I say girl because I think there are differences between how to deal with a male attracted to you and a female attracted to you.

    Well, I have a friend who is apparently very attracted to me...she told me this the other day when we were discussing our feeding plans; ( she's a blood donor, most of you already know about that anyway...) and then all of the sudden she told me flat out she admired me, wanted to be like me, and was attracted to me. But she doesn't want to have sex, or a relationship. I don't know what she wants. In fact, I'm not sure if I even care that she likes me because she isn't demanding. Buuuuttt, if this DOES become a problem, how would you suggest I push her off but still have her available as a donor? I like to be prepared.
     
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  2. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    Every social situation is unique and has its own complexities, so I hesitate to make a comment. One principle that might apply here is that one-on-one time with a person tends to invite intimacy if there is that latent desire in one or both people. It is easiest to remain friends, but not intimately, if you can hang out with other people present and do lighter activities that involve humor and such. Having personal conversations and being alone can invite the deeper feelings.

    The first step I tend to take in resolving social issues is to organize the external environment to support the desired outcome. It is always the simplest first step.
     
  3. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Well, I'm not going to feed on her in front of a million or so people...
     
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  4. Julia

    Julia Community Member

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    I don't know any details about your situation, so that might not apply. I meant in the general sense of socializing and getting together in a casual way.
     
  5. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Oh. Well, ask questions.
     
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  6. Hinsoog

    Hinsoog Community Member

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    Well, in this case, I would be pretty thankful that she isn't demanding, because for me the threat would be that she starts wanting a lot of your time, as kinda ugly as that sounds. So then maybe now you just have a very fulfilling relationship with a very co-operative associate. I mean, she doesn't want a relationship you say, so I'm a bit confounded about that.

    I'm probably missing some context here that others are aware of, but I feel like perhaps the real question is how to get someone to still have that strong co-operative feeling and maintain that they basically do really like you, but to produce a situation where you don't feel like they are expecting something, and thus your feeling responsible for those feelings and expectations. And for that, I myself would love to have an ideal soloution, but, I guess it comes down to the painful process of tempering someone's actual expectations of what kind of relationship to actually recieve from you.
     
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  7. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    She is very odd. I think it might be because she likes to please people and will go to great lengths, so she doesn't want to act on anything because she knows I wouldn't like it. But I am not sure. It's a guess.
     
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  8. Hinsoog

    Hinsoog Community Member

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    Oh man, that's fantastic insight that I think you should take a second look at Slant, if of course it's the case that this person is expecting to spend time with you, because what she is saying isn't about feeding whatever it is that she is expecting from you, but something more casual and detached from what that might be.
     
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    #8 Hinsoog, Jun 12, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2009
  9. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Well...she's not. I'm confused.
     
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  10. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    Does she have a crush on you?
     
  11. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Yes.
     
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  12. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Hmm. Try developing coffee breath or picking your nose or burping infront of her. It might just turn her off romantically, but at the same time none of those things should end a friendship.
     
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  13. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    Haha! I don't know what that might do. Hmmm.
     
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  14. easy_rider

    easy_rider Community Member

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    a massive hug and some words in her ear littered with compliments and your main message thrown in in between.
     
  15. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    D:

    That's just about my worst nightmare.
     
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  16. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    what if you tried to get to the bottom of it by addressing the issue directly?

    i know that sounds rather unnecessarily confrontational, but it may help give you an idea of what her position is and to figure out what you can do further. in fact, you may as well be able to let her know your position on this, taken that the issue would already be candidly layed out.

    this worked for me in the past, but i guess the success of it is also dependent on the other person's communication style and whether or not she is comfortable.
     
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  17. OP
    slant

    slant Ruboobie

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    I normally am pretty direct, the problem is that I want something specific from her and I know if I tell her she'll be 'hurt' and pretend not to be--I just don't want our deal to be compromised.
     
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  18. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    doesn't seem like it will become a problem taken how you describe her

    'it' as in her platonic attraction to you
     
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    #18 rainrise, Jun 28, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2009
  19. OP
    slant

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    Well, the actual problem is sorted out, found out that she can't get tested for STDs--- ( What the hell is up with that? Who thinks I'm going to mingle with the infected?) and she's had sex with...hell, I don't know, many many people. But I just wanted to see if I could get any answers for what I could do in the possible future if this happens again, and the solution appears to be just tell her and if she craps out on you well, find another donor.
     
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  20. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    ohhh well that's a solution.

    sorry i was not aware of the whole situation you were in. it's more complicated than it seemed.
     
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