How do I stop being emotionally unavailable?

[jupiterswoon]

Everything that I've read indicates that if I attract people who are closed off it is because I am closed off, and also partially because of wounds from my childhood. I have a really hard time expressing how I feel and voicing those feelings to people I tend to date. I think things are worse after dating my ex, because he really invalidated my feelings. That being said, how do I learn how to be healthy in relationships?

http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-09-24/7-signs-that-youre-the-one-who’s-emotionally-unavailable/

6 out of 7 of these are accurate for me.

 

[Sriracha]

Simply by being yourself and by making mistakes. The sooner we all realize we're all square pegs being fit into a round hole, the sooner we will realize we can't shave our corners for other people without hurting ourselves. When the right person comes along, everything will fall into place (they won't require you to shave.)

I make myself laugh at my metaphors. lol

 

[jupiterswoon]

[video=youtube;N4i7GUDOPNE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4i7GUDOPNE[/video]

I guess it'd just be nice if people were more upfront.

 

[Erlian]

Although it doesn't give solutions it's a framework I think you might find yourself in.
Attachment Theory (for Adults)

This is a test: web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

I've found this page helpful in understanding myself: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults
Personally I'm more Anxious-Preoccupied than Secure, although it's close.
Maybe if you've found your Attachment Style you can use that to find solutions. If I had to guess, I think you are Fearful-Avoidant:

Fearful-Avoidant according to Wiki

People with losses or sexual abuse in childhood and adolescence often develop this type of attachment[11] and tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with sometimes unconscious, negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don't trust the intentions of their partners. Similar to the dismissive–avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful–avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and deny their feelings. Instead, they are much less comfortable expressing affection.

 

[Solongo]

The only way to be more emotionally available is to make an effort to express your emotions more. It's simple as doing more of the thing you are seeking. At first it will feel foreign and uncomfortable but with more practice it will become easier. Not just in relationships but allowing yourself to be expressive in every interaction. It's also good to give chances to guys who are emotionally available.

 

[jupiterswoon]

Although it doesn't give solutions it's a framework I think you might find yourself in.
Attachment Theory (for Adults)

This is a test: web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

I've found this page helpful in understanding myself: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults
Personally I'm more Anxious-Preoccupied than Secure, although it's close.
Maybe if you've found your Attachment Style you can use that to find solutions. If I had to guess, I think you are Fearful-Avoidant:

Fearful-Avoidant according to Wiki

I'm beginning to think if I'm just judging myself harshly after being in a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable, because I realized that part of the reason that we broke up was because I was trying to express how I felt and he rejected it.

I've just been seeing one other person, and he is getting over a break up, maybe I'm just assuming I'm emotionally avoidant based on these two experiences, when I really haven't dated that many people.

 

[sassafras]

Simply by being yourself and by making mistakes. The sooner we all realize we're all square pegs being fit into a round hole, the sooner we will realize we can't shave our corners for other people without hurting ourselves. When the right person comes along, everything will fall into place (they won't require you to shave.)

I make myself laugh at my metaphors. lol

The only way to be more emotionally available is to make an effort to express your emotions more. It's simple as doing more of the thing you are seeking. At first it will feel foreign and uncomfortable but with more practice it will become easier. Not just in relationships but allowing yourself to be expressive in every interaction. It's also good to give chances to guys who are emotionally available.

This about covers it.