How do I deal with liking everyone? | INFJ Forum

How do I deal with liking everyone?

Mkenya

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Feb 9, 2011
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I don't know.
I think this is Fe. I tend to like everyone...or at least most people I meet. What's the problem with that? Well, they don't always (in fact, rarely) like me back as intensely. I mean they might "like" me..but I just get the feeling that I care for them on such a deeper level that the relationship quickly becomes unbalanced. For example..I had the opportunity to be with someone for about 6 hours and I developed feelings for that person, despite not ever having met that person previously. The relationship will likely never go anywhere because it really isn't expected to..(I could easily never see her again)..but I would really like it to. I liked her a lot..the thing is..I would have liked her even if she was a different person. If I talk to anyone for any period of time (especially 6 hours) I'll develop some sort of emotional attachment to them. However people don't seem to do the same..(or at least some..) so...

I either pull away (because they have the ability to hurt me now..) or become overly affectionate (which pushes them away). Both of these actions cause me some emotional turmoil. I imagine there are other ways to deal with this situation though...so, any advice?

I really wouldn't like to change this about me either, I like liking people, but I just want to learn how to deal with these emotions better. (And maybe find more people who I can "like" without having to either pull away or forcing them to pull away..)
 
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i do this as well. it's tough. Since the persons you're giving the attention to are not returning it, you may have to consider being a little more guarded with your affections, if only to protect yourself from getting hurt. Emotional attachments are hard to break so it's not such a good idea to make them too often or too lightly with someone who doesn't feel as intense a connection. Let people earn the right to your affection, rather than giving it so freely.
 
It's not Fe. Fe has more to do with a accommodating other people emotionally. Many people that I meet do something other than annoy me as a lot of them are extroverts that I just don't want to deal with.
 
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I care about everyone even if they've been horrible to me... but I don't act on it if they don't at least respect me back.
 
It sounds like you are projecting what/who you want in a relationship onto whomever you are talking with. Six hours is infatuation, but there are also so many holes in the relationship that it would be really hard to fall for them in that period of time, especially seeing as you say you develop these deep attachments for almost anyone. You want them to fit some preconceived notion you have, and it is the idea of them being a partner that you're developing feelings for (or at least that's my opinion). You want a deep relationship, and end up imagining all these people you meet as that person you are in a relationship with. Honestly, it sounds like you care about the idea of the person, because I have a hard time believing one would be able to develop truly deep feelings for someone in such a sort period of time--especially when that someone is almost everyone.

My advice would be to evaluate honestly what you are looking for in a relationship, and consciously think about what you might be projecting on a person when you meet them.
 
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It sounds like you are projecting what/who you want in a relationship onto whomever you are talking with. Six hours is infatuation, but there are also so many holes in the relationship that it would be really hard to fall for them in that period of time, especially seeing as you say you develop these deep attachments for almost anyone. You want them to fit some preconceived notion you have, and it is the idea of them being a partner that you're developing feelings for (or at least that's my opinion). You want a deep relationship, and end up imagining all these people you meet as that person you are in a relationship with. Honestly, it sounds like you care about the idea of the person, because I have a hard time believing one would be able to develop truly deep feelings for someone in such a sort period of time--especially when that someone is almost everyone.

My advice would be to evaluate honestly what you are looking for in a relationship, and consciously think about what you might be projecting on a person when you meet them.

What bamf said, definitely.

I kinda know what you're going through, I went through a similar thing about 5-6 years ago.

My main advice would be to be very careful. If you end up in a relationship after 6 hours without really getting to know them at all, you can get hurt.
Like you say, I think you just need to learn to control these specific emotions. I wish you luck with this. :)

:m170:
 
have you ever found that these feelings sometimes change over time?

Yes..they change. But never negatively. I'll just like them "differently"...but the level of intensity is still the same.
 
I thought it was Fe because to me "like" and "what them to be happy" is more or less the same thing. There is a good chance that this isn't Fe though..I don't know.

It sounds like you are projecting what/who you want in a relationship onto whomever you are talking with. Six hours is infatuation, but there are also so many holes in the relationship that it would be really hard to fall for them in that period of time, especially seeing as you say you develop these deep attachments for almost anyone. You want them to fit some preconceived notion you have, and it is the idea of them being a partner that you're developing feelings for (or at least that's my opinion). You want a deep relationship, and end up imagining all these people you meet as that person you are in a relationship with. Honestly, it sounds like you care about the idea of the person, because I have a hard time believing one would be able to develop truly deep feelings for someone in such a sort period of time--especially when that someone is almost everyone.

My advice would be to evaluate honestly what you are looking for in a relationship, and consciously think about what you might be projecting on a person when you meet them.

I've bolded what I think rings true for me.

I have some questions..

1) Is infatuation bad? Or is it a necessary stepping stone? A stepping stone to what?
2) Is falling in love with the idea of falling in love necessarily unhealthy?
3) Is there a different way to solve this rather than "just stop doing it"?
4) Is projecting positive feelings on other people necessarily unhealthy? Why? Why not?
5) How does honestly evaluating what I would want in a relationship help me?

Each one of those is a thread on it's own lol..

Anyway I already kind of know what I'm looking for (it happens subconsciously). I guess my problem is that I get overly excited when someone shows the potential to have what I'm looking for..and I want to let them know that in some way.
 
My main advice would be to be very careful. If you end up in a relationship after 6 hours without really getting to know them at all, you can get hurt.
Like you say, I think you just need to learn to control these specific emotions. I wish you luck with this. :)

:m170:

I think that's why I pull away. I know I can easily get hurt so I do it to protect myself.

How did you deal with it? Did you actively try to overcome this or did it just happen naturally? Do you think it can happen "non-naturally"?

oh and thanks.
 
I have some questions..

1) Is infatuation bad? Or is it a necessary stepping stone? A stepping stone to what?
2) Is falling in love with the idea of falling in love necessarily unhealthy?
3) Is there a different way to solve this rather than "just stop doing it"?
4) Is projecting positive feelings on other people necessarily unhealthy? Why? Why not?
5) How does honestly evaluating what I would want in a relationship help me?

1. It can be if it turns to obsession.
2. Again, it depends. Crying while watching "He's Just Not That Into You" because you're alone and being desperate in real life are on different levels.
3. No. Apart from trying to figure out why you do it but that would probably have the objective of stopping a behavior.
4. If it hurts either you and/or them then yes, projecting positive feelings on someone is unhealthy.
5. I think it both helps you and hurts you. Evaluating what you want may lead to a more consistent connection with other people but it hinders you from some experiences though. It's more of a pick your battles thing I think.
 
I keep reading the title as "How do I deal with licking everyone?" :flypig:
 
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I keep reading the title as "How do I deal with licking everyone?" :flypig:
That'd be an interesting thread? ....

[MENTION=3361]Elowen[/MENTION] I thought your avatar was Hillary Duff fo a sec.
 
That'd be an interesting thread? ....

[MENTION=3361]Elowen[/MENTION] I thought your avatar was Hillary Duff fo a sec.

I can see how you got that :p
Summer Glau > Hilary Duff though!
 
I think this is Fe. I tend to like everyone...or at least most people I meet. What's the problem with that? Well, they don't always (in fact, rarely) like me back as intensely. I mean they might "like" me..but I just get the feeling that I care for them on such a deeper level that the relationship quickly becomes unbalanced. For example..I had the opportunity to be with someone for about 6 hours and I developed feelings for that person, despite not ever having met that person previously. The relationship will likely never go anywhere because it really isn't expected to..(I could easily never see her again)..but I would really like it to. I liked her a lot..the thing is..I would have liked her even if she was a different person. If I talk to anyone for any period of time (especially 6 hours) I'll develop some sort of emotional attachment to them. However people don't seem to do the same..(or at least some..) so...

I either pull away (because they have the ability to hurt me now..) or become overly affectionate (which pushes them away). Both of these actions cause me some emotional turmoil. I imagine there are other ways to deal with this situation though...so, any advice?

I really wouldn't like to change this about me either, I like liking people, but I just want to learn how to deal with these emotions better. (And maybe find more people who I can "like" without having to either pull away or forcing them to pull away..)

Relax, and let things evolve naturally. If you propose on the first day, you might freak her out. That only worked ONCE and it was in a movie. I forget the title, but the dude proposed to a waitress as a joke, and she said yes.. I didn't watch the rest of the movie because my reaction was like "whatttt" and I found it to be unrealistic.
 
Be sure not to be so conclusive with how you title your response. Acceptance, and a genuine regard (like), are two different things. I bet, that you are much more fussy than you realize. I'm kindof excited for you, for when you really meet someone you truly like. The heart doesn't miss what it can't see
 
I think it would be a good idea to think about why you feel that if you get close to others you will hurt them and visa versa...



It's not about finding people you like who make it so that you don't pull away...
it's about finding what it is inside yourself that wants to pull away--the story behind it that compels you.
No other person is going to fix that for you--it's something you've got to work out for yourself.

Usually being afraid of hurting/being hurt is indicative of having been very hurt or disappointed by someone trusted in the past.

It's awesome to just naturally like everyone--the world needs more kindness.. just make sure you like yourself just as much.
 
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1) Is infatuation bad? Or is it a necessary stepping stone? A stepping stone to what?
- If it gets ouf of control and you mistake feelings of infatuation for more. Or when infatuation becomes obsession, then it's not so good although the intensity of the feelings are enjoyable.
2) Is falling in love with the idea of falling in love necessarily unhealthy?
- not sure. i don't think it is, but many would disagree. I think it's when we project the ideals of this idea on the real thing, so that the real thing which may be good, is seen as not so good because it doesn't match our ideal of what love is.
3) Is there a different way to solve this rather than "just stop doing it"?
-Yeah, it's never so simple to just stop doing it, although many think it is. I think it just means being more selective of who you socialize with or establish a connection with. I know what you're referring to because i've experienced it often enough, and it took a while for the feelings to fade. I had to learn to change my focus and place it on other more important things to get myself to quit thinking of the person.
4) Is projecting positive feelings on other people necessarily unhealthy? Why? Why not?
- Well, if it puts them in the position of trying to fulfill someone's expectations for them to be what that person wants them to be; that's probably not good. But imagining someone in a positive light as long as we're not unaware of their flaws or imperfections, is fine i think.
5) How does honestly evaluating what I would want in a relationship help me?
- I've honestly evaluated what i want and it still hasn't changed the fact that i value connections or experiences which may not be considered as important to someone else. What is a possibility is focusing more on connecting with a particular person rather than a type of person.

Fact is, what may be right for you may not be right or appealing to others. So, choose the approach to love and relationships which fits you as an individual.
 
If you like everyone, you must not know them very well. Once you get to know them, you will probably like them less.