How appealing is vulnerability as a trait? | INFJ Forum

How appealing is vulnerability as a trait?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Aug 15, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    How appealing is vulnerability as a trait?


    Some people find a little vulnerability very appealing in a partner. Others consider it a weakness and a sign of no strength or ability to hold ones own.

    How do you see vulnerability as a trait in partner/relationship?

    Do you think the quality is attractive or unattractive? Or does it depend on how much vulnerability they display?
     
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  2. 894tt3h9

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    I see vulnerability as a strength. There is a certain courage in being able to being open in that way. I don't equate vulnerability with being wishy washy or weak or being incapable of holding their own. But I think it depends on the person, too. You have to be able to keep it together, but you also have to be able to be open and emotionally expressive. But not in a needy desperate way.
     
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  3. TheLastMohican

    TheLastMohican Captain Obvious
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    Vulnerability within intimate relationships is attractive as it allows for one's own vulnerability with a much-lessened feeling of risk. When it's mutual, neither party is in a good position to exploit.
    Outside of that context, vulnerability is virtually synonymous with naivety and weakness. A person who is easily hurt by strangers as well as friends appears less reliable and lacking in confidence.
     
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  4. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    vulnerability makes a person easy to like, but hard to respect, especially if it is displayed too frequently.
     
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  5. 894tt3h9

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    Absolutely agree.
     
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  6. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Your partner will see vulnerability as something to balance her vulnerabilities.

    The key is balance. If you have vulnerabilities that are perceived to be much more debilitating, she will see it as a weakness that will probably drag her down with you.
     
  7. freybell

    freybell Community Member

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    ^^concise and eloquent. I agree completely :)
     
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  8. freybell

    freybell Community Member

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    Also, (and I hate to say it) but I think a lot of times it depends on gender. A woman is expected to be vulnerable, and if she isn't vulnerable at all then she's an ice-queen bitch. On the flip side, a man is expected to be infallible, and if he shows weakness then he's a pansy.

    Obviously my examples are extreme, but I've seen both... and I don't know which is worse.
     
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  9. OP
    Gaze

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    I agree in some sense. Doubt it's that cut and dry that vulnerability is good or bad even in high amounts. For some, someone who is very vulnerable is very attractive and fills that innate need to nurture. For others, it's needy and too dependent. Depends on what each partner is looking for, willing to handle, or considers appealing.
     
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    #9 Gaze, Aug 15, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2010
  10. Feelings

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    Weakness annoys me. Strength intimidates me. I generally prefer strength though. Not the appearance of strength per se, but actual strength.
     
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  11. acd

    acd Well-known member

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    In a romantic partner, right off the bat, vulnerability is unappealing. I wouldn't pursue something with someone who was emotionally delicate around me right off. It should take time to develop vulnerability with another person.. it's something that develops as self-disclosure between people becomes more intense.. Being vulnerable right away with someone tips me off to hidden issues... emotional instability, mainly... and I can't help but find that as a weakness.. and it is not something I find attractive or appealing when it comes to dating.

    I do have a soft spot for children and animals and elderly people or sick people or even just anyone going through a hard time.. It brings out the nurturer in me.. So in that way, I am drawn to offer comfort and protection and help... but I don't want vulnerability to encompass my romantic relationship.
     
    #11 acd, Aug 16, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2010
  12. BlinkandThink

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    I like it. It's honest.
     
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  13. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    agreed. :)
     
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  14. NeverAmI

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    Vulnerability is too broad a term. Not all vulnerabilities are alike.

    Vulnerable like naive, or wears their heart on their sleeve, or just takes everything incredibly personally?

    All very different things.

    And it depends on what strengths that person has to balance them.
     
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  15. jyrffw54

    jyrffw54 שכינה עוֹלֶה

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    I like to see a bit of vulnerability to know a person isn't a total robot, but too much, and they'll seem like a pin cushion (and I like poking people)
     
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  16. BlinkandThink

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    That's the one I like. I'm indifferent to the first one. The last one is repulsive.


    EDITED TO ADD: By repulsive, I don't mean the sensitivity. I mean the narcissism.
     
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    #16 BlinkandThink, Aug 17, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2010
  17. Lumi Spitsbergen

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    It depends on the type and context. Under certain circumstances and for certain reasons, is ok or even good... under others it's an immediate aversion.
     
  18. KazeCraven

    KazeCraven Graduated from Typology : May 2011
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    Only appealing if the vulnerability is by being open. Vulnerability conjures up too many connotations to remain unqualified.

    Though I guess there's a sweet spot where a person can be open but not come off as 'vulnerable'. I'd say vulnerable but self-confident would be the most appealing.
     
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  19. tine

    tine Regular Poster

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    It doesn't bother me if it's not there too much and it's nice to know that people are human, but it can be REALLY annoying.
     
  20. laurie

    laurie Snowblind in Dreamland

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    It's okay, in moderation. If someone was constantly vulnerable, I'd feel responsible for taking care of them/walking on eggshells and I don't want that. I think it's good when people are open and honest about their being vulnerable, but not pushing it in your face as either a trait they believe you will find appealing, or a problem they want you to coddle them for.
     
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