Hi guys,
I'm an INTJ who recently started dating an INFJ. We've been together for a couple of months (but we were really good friends for a year or so before that). I thought I knew him quite well, but some of his behaviour since we got attached has been a bit unsettling. He spends inordinate amounts of time, effort and money making and buying me presents, SMSes me whenever he has free time, and says really sweet / mushy things like "I can't stop thinking about you" or "You're so gorgeous you make me swoon". It's really sweet of him, and I feel honoured to be so cherished, but frankly it's getting quite stressful. For one, I feel guilty accepting all his presents when he has so many demands on his time and money. Secondly, it's a little stifling to have so much attention heaped on me - I can leave my phone for half an hour to find 60 new messages from him! It feels as though I have to be constantly thinking about him and constantly available, when sometimes I just want some time to myself.
Thirdly, and most importantly, I feel immensely pressured to reciprocate. As mentioned above, I feel guilty receiving so much from him, and I feel I should give him the same sort of attention that he keeps showering on me. But I just can't match up. He writes long letters and spends ages making elaborate cards, and I don't know how I can spend that kind of time doing such stuff. Or rather - I don't want to have to spend such an overwhelming amount of my life making presents and giving material gifts. All I desire is his company, like when we go on dates and talk and spend time with each other. I don't need presents to make me feel loved! And yet I can't reject them or tell him that they're unnecessary, because he'd be hurt.
I also feel pressured to reciprocate the mushiness. Now, I am unequivocally not a mushy person, but it gets kind of weird when he's the only one spouting cheesy lines and I just awkwardly reply "haha" or "okay". I guess he'd be happier if I started saying schmaltzy stuff too, but I just can't bring myself to say such saccharine things! And usually my internal reaction to his mushiness is "Oh my god, that is so sentimental. I can't believe he just said that."
I'm not sure how to tell him I need more space, or that I would prefer him not to lavish me with so much attention. And how can I tell him that he is loved when I can't return him the same level of attention that he seems to need? I would be really grateful for any suggestions.
I'm an INTJ who recently started dating an INFJ. We've been together for a couple of months (but we were really good friends for a year or so before that). I thought I knew him quite well, but some of his behaviour since we got attached has been a bit unsettling. He spends inordinate amounts of time, effort and money making and buying me presents, SMSes me whenever he has free time, and says really sweet / mushy things like "I can't stop thinking about you" or "You're so gorgeous you make me swoon". It's really sweet of him, and I feel honoured to be so cherished, but frankly it's getting quite stressful. For one, I feel guilty accepting all his presents when he has so many demands on his time and money. Secondly, it's a little stifling to have so much attention heaped on me - I can leave my phone for half an hour to find 60 new messages from him! It feels as though I have to be constantly thinking about him and constantly available, when sometimes I just want some time to myself.
Thirdly, and most importantly, I feel immensely pressured to reciprocate. As mentioned above, I feel guilty receiving so much from him, and I feel I should give him the same sort of attention that he keeps showering on me. But I just can't match up. He writes long letters and spends ages making elaborate cards, and I don't know how I can spend that kind of time doing such stuff. Or rather - I don't want to have to spend such an overwhelming amount of my life making presents and giving material gifts. All I desire is his company, like when we go on dates and talk and spend time with each other. I don't need presents to make me feel loved! And yet I can't reject them or tell him that they're unnecessary, because he'd be hurt.
I also feel pressured to reciprocate the mushiness. Now, I am unequivocally not a mushy person, but it gets kind of weird when he's the only one spouting cheesy lines and I just awkwardly reply "haha" or "okay". I guess he'd be happier if I started saying schmaltzy stuff too, but I just can't bring myself to say such saccharine things! And usually my internal reaction to his mushiness is "Oh my god, that is so sentimental. I can't believe he just said that."
I'm not sure how to tell him I need more space, or that I would prefer him not to lavish me with so much attention. And how can I tell him that he is loved when I can't return him the same level of attention that he seems to need? I would be really grateful for any suggestions.