[INFJ] Help: my friend an infj is pulling all the curtain "silently withdrawn" on me.

I have an infj friend who becomes detached, withdrawn, and is closing all the curtain on me. We are not particularly close but we have known each other for a long time. I care about him deeply. I said something wrong to him. At that time I didn't know. I thought the wrong thing so said the wrong thing. Bottomline: I made a mistake. But the issue is too sensitive to discuss openly and is too private. I can't even open it without causing wounds on both side. He kept it close and I'm also keeping it close. Mentioning it again will (again) mean squandering all his personal space and trampling on his private being - a mistake i first did. He didnt even respond anything he just smiled and mentally walked away.

Right now i still meet him from time to time. He is still gentle, polite and kind. But at the same time truly detached.

It hurts me. I want to say sorry. I want to apologize. He doesnt knw i'm sorry. I'd like to express my apology without intruding his private space. But how? Sorry about... what?? I cant go on.



Fyi i'm an infp. Help please. I'm planning to say sorry I offended you. I misunderstood. Without being specific. If my N(e) is correct, then he will be in tune to what i'm saying.

I'd like to hear from infjs please. What can I do ? Should i really let it slide and be stony silent as well. But the thing is if that's the road i take, i'll be really bleeding -> #infpproblem. If an infj is pulling the iron curtain on you, will it forever be there? The iron curtain i mean. You are afterall an inf with a j. You have made your decision. The thought of this happens really scares the shit out of me. Will an apology work? Will it make him even more detached (me attacking again his personal space)? Or it wont change anything? Please help. Am I thinking too much on all this? I'm an infp afterall, i have the tendecy of feeling/analyzing too much. Too miscroscopic? Or really not? Will I come out as crazy if i apologize for issued happening 10 month ago.

 

[MENTION=5559]Cornerstone[/MENTION] i got you. Thank you. Thats why i'm hesitating. The whole thing is just to make me feel better without considering his side of the equation. How shall i proceed? I will close the matter if you and all think its best to close the case. I cant change the past really but i have some control over the future.

Fyi this is a person i deeply respect and value. And its true i find myself really walking on eggshells T.T

 

[MENTION=12050]Superlative[/MENTION] [MENTION=5559]Cornerstone[/MENTION] [MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION] [MENTION=1669]Gist[/MENTION] thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate it. I'm still reading and digesting everything.

[MENTION=12050]Superlative[/MENTION]: no, it's not intentional and I didn't mean to cause any harm. I'm sure deep down he knows this. But hurtful - I can't discount that.

[MENTION=1669]Gist[/MENTION]: he is an acquaintance. he is not exactly close to me but very close to my family. that what makes the line of communication a bit difficult. our list of "most trusted friends" closely overlap with each other. I can be my cheerful self but always keep a certain degree of reserve. "I'm an INFP, so I understand the need to be emotionally honest, and discuss things openly. However, not everyone is always comfortable with this." Yes, I have this deep needs too. I wonder sometimes being emotionally honest is best for ppl we love. Because we crave that emotional understanding (or if put it in harsher words, that emotional attention). Most of the time is best. But right now i"m not so sure. I know its best for me. But how bout for him? And thank you really for connecting with me, sometimes I feel utterly alone and too in touch with myself and in that sense begin losing extroverted intuition - losing that common bond. "For you, to avoid you being hurt by his distant response, maybe it's best to take some time away from the friendship, and let him decide when he wants to reconnect as you did before." Due to circumstance, I always meet him from time to time. I can't really physically get away (recently always making me feel drained afterwards). But I know what you mean. I'm really going to give my friend and myself a lot of mental space. I do this already anyway. I hardly intrude. I come out maybe even more reserved than before.

[MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION]: "we can be so crazy sometimes. seriously nonrational. im getting better about it as i get older. but sometimes im very ruled by my feelings and associated judgments. i have sometimes felt sorry for those on the receiving end." Yes, I experienced this firsthand. But on the flip side of the coin, your types are some of the kindest most understanding ppl I've ever met. I accept that people are never perfect. a certain trait that brings out the best in you also contributes in shaping the worst of you. That's what I love about - the good sides and the imperfection. not only infjs but all the enfps isfjs esfps istjs closest to me whom I love dearly. And please dont be sorry for the receiving end .->"you know you can reflect and be responsible and change" <- there's always sort of a beautiful virtue in our worst selves. it's what love and good works is all about. If we are all good and perfect, then what's love for? And that's not only love for other ppl, but also for ourselves. (writing this is therapeutic, I'm beginning to regain my general sense of self and faith)

[MENTION=5559]Cornerstone[/MENTION] I got you again this time. "Do what you can do if it matters to you and the rest will be up to him" thank you for saying this. It puts me in perspective. I"ll do my part and won't fret over anything beyond. I usually know this but I can become too emotionally involved in whats happening and lost perspective. I understand your line of reasoning about possessiveness and love (all love, romantic or not). "The worst case scenario is that you do it half-heartedly and then worry if you expressed yourself fully and wonder if you should bring it up again" -> Do you think I should have just trust my guts on this and do whatver I have to do/not do, so I will not do it (or come out as) half hearted(ly)?


"It's true you can't change the past but if you change the way you feel about the past then you change the impact it has on your present and therefore future." I dont really understand what you are trying to say. Can you explain? I get a sense that you are trying to say that how I feel about the past - the general acceptance of it will help me be okay with myself - thats how I will gain my inner strength back and help me to do all I that I can do and leave it at that?