Hello!

[hoodbran]

[oops wrong forum]
Hey fellow infj's - it's been a while...

I've been making significant progress, psychological wise; my introversion got mixed up with personality disorder; i recently discovered that looking at my 'mental health label' from a different perspective has shown me that really, I'm not as mentally Ill as I had originally thought.

I had made a realization that all my life I was protecting this inner image of myself (some call it the inner child) - and so i would pretend to be someone I was'nt while around other people, which if they saw thru my false presentation ; all manner of things could evolve, generally loss of the relationship (and friends) - Today, after self inquiry and understanding, I realize I've been an introvert all the while, playing extroversion; the inner child is non existent, pathologically speaking.

Did you know us Introverts are actually discriminated against? - We think before we speak while extroverts think by speaking, a general misunderstanding involving introverts is in Job interviews whereby the introvert will not maintain eye contact because they look around to 'grab' thoughts; this is commonly seen as dishonesty or shyness and will usually end in the job refusal - We need a law to protect us, because extroverts cannot play introversion, but introverts often play extroversion, like all people want to 'belong' and so we pretend to the extent where we get drained and shut off; commonly seen in love relationships as a sign of cheating or falling out of love.

I've been spending time doing what INFJ's do best; help other people, we're natural protectors of the downtrodden, so I chose to work with the suicidal - to help them see what they cant themselves; it ended today because I got drained very fast and the holiday season is fast upon us; I'm working for the homeless this christmas in London, even though I'm giving up xmas eve and xmas day; it's half/half for selfish reasons - I cant be alone this year...

Who else here get's drained from this type of helping?

 

[Shai Gar]

hey, you're back

 

[Quinlan]

Did you know us Introverts are actually discriminated against? - We think before we speak while extroverts think by speaking, a general misunderstanding involving introverts is in Job interviews whereby the introvert will not maintain eye contact because they look around to 'grab' thoughts; this is commonly seen as dishonesty or shyness and will usually end in the job refusal - We need a law to protect us, because extroverts cannot play introversion, but introverts often play extroversion, like all people want to 'belong' and so we pretend to the extent where we get drained and shut off; commonly seen in love relationships as a sign of cheating or falling out of love.

Absolutely we do, job interviews almost seem like an introvert filter where the goal is to sell yourself and kiss arse, not natural introvert tasks at all.

 

[rdeaf]

I've been spending time doing what INFJ's do best; help other people, we're natural protectors of the downtrodden, so I chose to work with the suicidal - to help them see what they cant themselves; it ended today because I got drained very fast and the holiday season is fast upon us; I'm working for the homeless this christmas in London, even though I'm giving up xmas eve and xmas day; it's half/half for selfish reasons - I cant be alone this year...

Who else here get's drained from this type of helping?


A group of us work at a local homeless shelter once a month giving massages. All of us are pretty sensitive and we all get drained. That's why we only go once a month. I think that it eventually energizes me more in the long run though. Because I don't worry about what I should be doing, but instead can concentrate on just doing my best when I am there. I also think that helping is a good social outlet for those of us who squirm at the thought of having to attend a party.

I'm glad your more accepting of yourself these days. Keep it up--your not alone

 

[Rigpa78]

Thanks for posting this.

I've been thinking about this topic lately as it refers to how much of my personality or "nature" I need to accept vs. work on changing. Really looking into the INFJ type (and joining this forum) is helping to make this a bit more clear for me.

In my (gay) community, it seems like the more extroverted and absurdly outgoing your behavior is, the more you're noticed and the more interest others show in you for friendship and potential romantic relationships. Like there's a degree of respect for that and not much value placed on still waters running deep.

The "helping" aspect is a tricky one. I find in my psychotherapy practice that I quite naturally feel intense empathy and compassion for my clients - probably more than most other clinicians who are making an effort to cultivate those things. While that's happening, though, I sometimes have to remind myself that in 20 minutes this client will walk out of the office and the next client will arrive. In fact, I may never see the person again if circumstances interfere in their life.

So I don't "allow" myself to be drained for a number of reasons. But this takes practice. I've felt for a number of years that my role on earth was to alleviate the suffering of others. I know I can't help them stay afloat by taking my life jacket off and handing it to them. I hope this makes sense. lol... it's late.

 

[sumone]

We think before we speak while extroverts think by speaking, a general misunderstanding involving introverts is in Job interviews whereby the introvert will not maintain eye contact because they look around to 'grab' thoughts; this is commonly seen as dishonesty or shyness and will usually end in the job refusal.

This is a huge stumbling block, you explained it so well. Even as a child my natural inclination was to look away in order to grab thoughts and it was met with disdain and people thought it was rude.
Great post hoodbran.

 

[Lurker]

Absolutely we do, job interviews almost seem like an introvert filter where the goal is to sell yourself and kiss arse, not natural introvert tasks at all.

There are a lot of crappy interviewers out there but there are also any number of people working in HR or hiring roles who have at least a basic understanding of typing systems. Part of my job involves hiring and firing people, most who walk in are nervous and struggle to show confidence but because of the position and what I'm looking for 9 times out of 10 I'll hire an introvert despite their nerves.

That said I do agree that introversion can be a sucky disadvantage (at least we don't have extraversionitis, more commonly known as foot-in-mouth disease ). Introverts often have to play a role that doesn’t come naturally, to act extraverted as it were, it’s tiring but socially expected in many situations.

*flops on couch exhausted from portraying a pretend extravert image*

so i would pretend to be someone I was'nt while around other people

That's the problem methinks, you're the one who suffers but no one sees. Makes me wonder who really puts these expectations on us though, is it parents, teachers at school, our peers, society or our own inner insecurities that make us want to fit in?

Guess the only thing that matters it to find a way to be authentic around others.

 

[hoodbran]

extraversionitis, more commonly known as foot-in-mouth disease

ROFLOL! HAHAHAHA thats good!!!!

The "helping" aspect is a tricky one. I find in my psychotherapy practice that I quite naturally feel intense empathy and compassion for my clients - probably more than most other clinicians who are making an effort to cultivate those things. While that's happening, though, I sometimes have to remind myself that in 20 minutes this client will walk out of the office and the next client will arrive. In fact, I may never see the person again if circumstances interfere in their life.

So I don't "allow" myself to be drained for a number of reasons. But this takes practice. I've felt for a number of years that my role on earth was to alleviate the suffering of others. I know I can't help them stay afloat by taking my life jacket off and handing it to them. I hope this makes sense. lol... it's late.

Care to share your secrets? If I could be anyone in the world (apart from me) then I would be Oskar Schindler - My therapist [presumably] is in the same boat as you, he's a very wise person and I often think about his own well being and how my own torments (and others) impact his daily life. I'm aware therapists can get burned out if they don't moderate what they take on board and it's no wonder why some of my fellow 'clients' go for weeks without therapy, they say the filing cabinet is full of horror stories... I've swung wildly today between feeling Lonely, Suicidal and full of life, it might have something to do with hearing my daughter prefers to stay with her mother and not come home, but thats another story... My ex is not facilitating any sort of contact and upon hearing today of the death of my step father week before xmas, I still get blank stares when I ask for the company of my daughter to say her goodbyes to her grandpa.