Has anyone been with an ENTJ? | INFJ Forum

Has anyone been with an ENTJ?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Kawennison, Jan 30, 2010.

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  1. Kawennison

    Kawennison Newbie

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    I'm new here but i stumbled on this site looking for insight into my extremely practical and (in my eyes) emotionally retarded boyfriend. I try to make it work but I'm concerned that ultimately I'll never feel understood and appreciated. On the other hand, he's very calming, in control, and outgoing which eases a lot of my over-thinking and anxiety!

    Just wondering if anyone's had experiences with ENTJs :)
     
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  2. patricky

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    Yes. They are the hawtness.
     
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  3. sassafras

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    I dated an ENTJ for a long time and a have a few ENTJ friends and family members. I like 'em and know 'em well enough. There's also a couple of ENTJ's here on the forums. What do you want to know?
     
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  4. OP
    Kawennison

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    I guess i was just wondering if other INFJs felt drawn to that personality and if they felt an ENTJ met needs for communication and closeness?? I don't want to fall into a trap where I'm trying to please him so much that I don't get the understanding I really, really want. With a thinker, it becomes so obvious to me the difference between being aware of someone's needs and actually understanding them.

    Then again, I miiiiight be a little too picky =X
     
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  5. Billy

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    My cousin, he is my family and I love him, he is also my mentor... but in a way I am his mentor too. He is teaching me how to be smart and make money, at the same time as you say emotionally retarded. My cousin is real slick though he seems like he cares and he acts like he cares but I know he just uses it as a front to find out whats going on with people. He loves to interact with other people and he s a master salesman for himself and what he can do. But he has the smarts to back it all up, anyone else who acts like that might get laughed off, IF they don't have a few million in the bank. Luckily in his case he does.

    I get along great with him though. But we don't have the same dynamic you do, I dont have to see him all too often, he's just my cousin. So I guess thats why his stunted emotional growth doesn't bother me as much. Great guy though, he does like to help people, and he is generous and friendly. So he is a lot of fun to be around.
     
  6. NeverAmI

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    I have recently been around one for a few weeks and I must say: I fear for my life.
     
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  7. Billy

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    I know what you are thinking I think. I have been really wanting to date a NT girl for a while and I have been with a few... but lately as I am finding myself more busy with my career and getting all hung up on my top logical priorities, I am feeling kind of like emotionally needy, so I have been kind of crushing again on NF girls.

    When I really thought about it I came to the conclusion that I could definitely be with and marry an NT woman and be happy, but... missing out on that F, and I know NTs have feelings, but natural F's especially NF's have a seriously deep complexity that always makes me feel like a stupid teenager stepping up to the plate for the 1st time. And its ALWAYS awkward, but hot and heavy and intense... I dunno I might kind of miss that. and I dont know if I want to.
     
  8. sassafras

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    The thing to keep in mind is that MBTI types are categories, not individuals. While two people may demonstrate tendencies that are alike, ultimately, each adds something different to their personality that changes the flavour. I doubt that this is something that you haven't considered, but I rather err on the side of caution and preface by saying that I don't want you to to fall into the trap of thinking that just because the two of us share an MBTI type and have/had partners that share one as well, the mileage won't vary. If you are already facing some differences in communication, I think it would be best to address them. If he's true to his type, your ENTJ will listen so long as your request is reasonably within his means.

    Disclaimers aside, I had a very satisfying relationship with my ENTJ boyfriend. What I liked about him was that he had that emotional stability. He wasn't the gushiest boyfriend and certainly not very spontaneous, but he was loyal (I never had to worry about him going out at night, drinking his face off and hooking up with random girls) and when something on his mind, he would go right out and describe it in the most concise and practical manner he could. If it was a problem he was addressing, he was always two steps ahead and had already thought through a couple of solutions. He was a real "partner" in the sense that he wasn't just expecting an intimate relationship; he was a good support system and gave me that ambitious push where career matters were concerned. He was a really social guy too (which I really enjoyed) but he kept the details of our relationship to himself.

    He did like to argue, though. Whoa boy. Thankfully, neither of us were particularly prone to emotional outbursts (I didn't like them and he didn't see where the point was), so our arguments were pretty tame, but we had a lot of discussions for the sake of discussions. The need to "win" was probably the most annoying part of this. He didn't like to be proven wrong, and while he wasn't bitter about it, it wasn't uncommon for him to approach me the next day with new evidence to back up his claims and the discussion would continue. I ended up learning a lot from him (at the cost of several migraines).

    I think the key attraction factor for me was the fact that I had just come out of a really emotionally draining relationship with an INFP male. I wanted a partner that wasn't wishy-washy and moody all the time. Jay knew what he wanted and went after it. Even when he asked me out, there was no beating around the bush--he wanted to make it clear it was a date (we were friends first). He didn't expect me to make decisions all the time just to passively-aggressively blame me if something went wrong. There was no bullshit and he was strongly receptive to and respectful of what I had to say. Even though he was in charge most of the time, I felt more equal to him because I knew that if I didn't agree with something that we were doing, he would take my suggestions into advisement instead of misinterpreting it as "me telling him what to do all the time."

    He was really good at giving me my space too. While he often did not understand why I would react to something in a certain way, he respected the divide between our emotional sensitivity. He knew what worked and didn't like to mess with the system. If I need comfort, he knew it was enough to sit there with me and not say anything. Sometimes I wished that he would've made more of an effort reach out to me on an emotional level and not be such a "tin man," but I knew better because he tended to rationalize, rather than feel his emotions.

    We were close, but as I later learned with my next boyfriend, we weren't nearly as compatible as we could've been. There was an almost "official" vibe to our relationship. I mean, we were intimate and cuddly, but we certainly didn't have all that much chemistry. I think we worked because we leveled one another off. Neither of us were an "extreme." We might've even continued our relationship if I hadn't moved away to go to a school that was three hours away from our home town. We both didn't see the point in continuing a high school relationship into university. Together, we were more practical than romantic, I guess.

    I don't know if that really helps you here, but I thought I'd share anyhow.
     
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    #8 sassafras, Jan 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2010
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  9. Faye

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  10. Tamagochi

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    Tried to date ENTJ girl some 8 years ago, remained good friends since. We respect each other and communicate well at intuitive level. But it could never develop into romantic relationship because there were just no passion. Her Fe was practically non existant and that is a huge turn-off for me.
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  11. OP
    Kawennison

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    Exactly.. when i'm with NT's, i tend to feel like they're whipping me into shape and i'm "rising to the occasion." with NF's, I melt.. but also feel very self-indulgent and adolescent. I think either way it's important to be with someone who's aware enough to make compromises and grow.. :)
     
  12. OP
    Kawennison

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    hahaha I love this!
     
  13. patricky

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    I wish I had that wisdom in the same situation.

    I know right, ENTJs are gross.
     
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  14. ENTroP

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    I am going to insert a polite WTF here.

    Categorizing an entire personality type is gross.
     
  15. OP
    Kawennison

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    I have to agree..... but I might be a little biased towards those ENTJs since both my boyfriend and brother are. :p
     
  16. ENTroP

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    Any person of any type can be awesome or shitty, depending on different levels of maturity, intelligence, and giving a damn. Poorly developed people of any type suck.

    Many ENTJ are some of the coolest cats you'll meet, many are bossy, combative and annoying. Same with any type (maybe different behaviors).
     
  17. sassafras

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    Hah, my bro is an ENTJ too.
     
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  18. OP
    Kawennison

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    It's a good brother-sister team in my opinion!
     
  19. Blind Bandit

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    No not really ENTX really bug me most of the time.
     
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    I dated an ENTJ. There was a lot of interest in one another, but we could never really click. It's hard to explain other than I assume it was that lack of Fe that has been mentioned above. She was very mechanical in a way.
     
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