Giving money away | INFJ Forum

Giving money away

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Puck, Jun 4, 2009.

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  1. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    I was considering earlier, how easy it is for people to get money from me. In my city there are many homeless on the streets, those who are genuinely in need and those who perhaps aren't. I find it hard to walk past anyone who asks for money, although it concerns me that I may be being conned - I don't want to neglect the genuinely needy. Their presence invades my consciousness - I cannot simply walk past. I need to acknowledge them - to look them in the eye, even if I'm not planning on giving them money. Of course, as soon as I make eye contact, they get all hopeful - and I start to feel bad. Sometimes I decide in advance - whoever I see today who asks me for money, I will give it to them. I think about one of the tennets of the Dhammapada (I'm not Buddhist, but this stuck with me) that whoever asks for little, I should give it to them. That makes too much sense to me to ignore. So I do it. Then I keep coming across people who need money - I've already given away everything in my wallet - I feel bad about those I can't give anything to - maybe they needed it more than the last person I gave to... You can see how this quickly becomes a headfuck. ;)

    Other times, I'll be taken by surprise, or take myself by surprise and just find myself digging in my wallet on the spur of the moment. For example, when somebody accosts me with a lengthy sob story (I find those irritating by the way - as they are spun to illicit sympathy, for money, not because the person needs to tell me their story).

    Then there are the donation boxes in churches and museums... well I enjoyed the visit - I should give something...

    That's my experience. Tell me yours. :)
     
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    #1 Puck, Jun 4, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2009
  2. Nausus

    Nausus Community Member

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    Just to point out, if the person asked for money, they are not truly a buddhist as we are not supposed to ask, and only take what is freely given to us. // end smart-assyness >< (sorry if that seemed a little harsh)

    I like to give money away, if it's for charity or the homeless, or even my friends and family. Gives me a nice feeling =D
     
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  3. OP
    Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Not harsh at all. Thanks for the clarification :)

    Good for you. I'll be glad when I arrive at a place where I can always have a good feeling from giving. It's natural, and makes so much sense to me, yet I am torn between the ideal and the voice of reason in my head that needs to weigh up whether someone deserves my money or not. The key word there is 'my' - my money - I clearly have a lamentable attachment to money ;)
     
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  4. RetardedMonkey

    RetardedMonkey Community Member

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    I've been thinking alot about this lately and I decided for ME the best approach is to not give money to anyone who asks. Even if they are homeless. I know that sounds cold but just hear me out. :)

    In my city the ONLY people who ask for money are the ones who are using it to buy drugs. (I've watched over 20 people I've given money to take it and go buy drugs right in front of me.) That really discouraged me because many times I gave up something I wanted so that way they could "eat their first meal in two days" like they told me.

    So, I decided to give to those who DON'T ask. Like a homless guy digging through a dumpster. Or an old lady at the grocery store who's a few dollars short when they total her groceries. I noticed that it's the ones who don't ask are the ones most in need. I give money just as regularly as I used to, except I go to them instead of them coming to me.
     
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  5. OP
    Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    I can see how this would be disheartening. I've thought the same. A greater person than I would be able to decide whether the need for drugs any different from the need for food. Some food is drugs after all. This whole issue can get complicated really quickly, and it's always a split second decision, whether to move on or hand over some money.

    That makes sense, as if they don't ask, they've probably gone without for longer. You have a good point, and I was charmed by your examples of giving. Maybe I should think beyond money, when considering what I could give. In a book I just read, a character gave a homeless person a fine art postcard. I liked that idea too.
     
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  6. RetardedMonkey

    RetardedMonkey Community Member

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    I think thats a wonderful idea!! I might just do that. :D

    You seem like a very kind person Helpful Elf, and you'll still be a very kind person even if you don't give your money. :) After all, it is your money, you worked for it, you earned it, and I think you should decide who gets it and when. (That's just my lame opinion though) I think the best circumstances to give money is when we don't feel obligated or pressured to. Whenever I have complete peace with giving, that's my intuition telling me that this person really was in need.

    ok I talk too much! I'm sorry if I bothered or offended you in anyway. :( Those weren't my intentions at all. I was just trying to be helpful.
     
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  7. AUM

    AUM The Romantic Scientist

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    I live in Mexico and these scenerios we see everyday. But I have to agree that when I walk pass a homeless person specially children and I don't give them money or food I feel really bad as if I couldn't breath. However if I give to one person I would have to give to all of them and I'm not rich to do so. I would like to see someday a place where these people could live without begging and live happily amongs us. Is it too hard to ask? Unfortunely, I have become an asshole in that respect and I have avoided giving people money because as posted above some people have used it to buy drugs or alcohol and I have no mercy for those people. And because of that, others that really have need of me are suffering the consequences.
     
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  8. Lune Froide

    Lune Froide Community Member

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    I've given homeless people beers when I've come out and they're sitting outside the store. To stay warm, right?

    I've given homeless teenagers bags of cookies from subway because they've been traveling and food is hard to come by.

    If I need my change at the time (broke student here) or don't have any then I'll offer a cigarette.

    I've asked homeless to borrow a light before, too. Except one time my hair accidentally caught fire... but that's a whole other story.

    My friend got his bike off a homeless person for ten bucks because that's what they do. They'll acquire a bike by their own means then sell it to somebody like my friend for some cash.

    I don't really care much about our cash to begin with. It holds no real value in my opinion. Obviously if someone is rude or hardly able to make eye contact with me while they're asking then nah, forget it. But i'd feel that way about the behavior whether the person is homeless or not.
     
  9. pogo_<3

    pogo_<3 Community Member

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    It makes me physically ill to think about people who con others out of their money when they don't really need it, especially when there are so many people who do. A couple years ago, I saw a man standing outside of a bank by the road, holding up a "Will Work For Food" sign, and it made me want to cry. But then he walked over to a shiny red convertable with the top down, put the sign in the back, and drove through the bank drive-through and got out money. That was kind of horrible.
     
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  10. amplified83

    amplified83 Regular Poster

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    Haha me and money have a checkered past. Normally I try to keep a very tight hold on it, but if someone needs it and I can afford it, I will give it to them. I also have a really hard time dismissing donation jars in stores...and donation requests on emails...and Salvation Army...and everywhere else...
     
  11. OP
    Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Aww thanks. That's nice of you to say. :)

    Agreed. You're so right.

    What? No way! I really appreciate your kind words and useful thoughts on this issue. :) Thanks again.
     
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  12. OP
    Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    That's the exact feeling I get too. You describe it perfectly.

    That would be ideal. It must be an awful experience, to be homeless and outcast. I'd love to see a way that they could be integrated - that the world would not ignore the genuinely needy. Everyone deserves to have a place to call home.
     
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  13. OP
    Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    These are some great examples of kindness. You're a gem. I especially loved the cookies idea!

    ahhh! How frustrating. I can picture that whole scene. You must have felt so cheated of your emotions. I wonder what he did if people actually offered him work...

    Me too. I'm a dream come true for all the scammers in the world, but I hope at least 90% of the time money goes to a good cause.
     
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  14. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    well it's kind of different from my experiences..but same too

    yes I do feel really really bad for those people especially the kids... when i see them.... i can't imagine how they sleep, where they sleep, where would they get what they eat and all.....i feel very sorry for them...when i go to the church, i would pray for all the people..people who have family problems and people who have personal problems......

    but the weird thing for me is........ if it's for other people, I CARE A LOT... I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING I CAN.........(EVERYTHNG..SO SELFLESSLY)

    BUT WHEN IT COMES TO ME..........I DON'T GIVE AS MUCH TO MYSELF THAN TO OTHERS..........:m169:..........
     
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  15. OP
    Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    that's wonderful. I truly believe in the power of prayer. You have given me an idea actually. [/QUOTE]

    It's so hard to strike a balance, but if you feel so sad about this, it's something you need to work on, as it suggests you are giving everything to others and saving little or nothing for yourself. What makes you happy? Is there something you could promise to do for yourself today that would bring you joy? Why not do it? :):hug:
     
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  16. soulseeker

    soulseeker Permanent Fixture

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    It's so hard to strike a balance, but if you feel so sad about this, it's something you need to work on, as it suggests you are giving everything to others and saving little or nothing for yourself. What makes you happy? Is there something you could promise to do for yourself today that would bring you joy? Why not do it? :):hug:[/QUOTE]

    helping others makes me happy.....but then,, at the end i start to think :m075: whaaa!!!!!!! there's nothing left for me:m142:

    hahahahaha
     
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