Giftedness never translating into social attractiveness | Page 4 | INFJ Forum

Giftedness never translating into social attractiveness

Leave it to the INFJs to not take into account social giftedness as beign gifted.

Unfortunately, social and emotional intelligence were not recognized forms of giftedness early on, and were significantly underestimated. I think we need to recognize the different types of giftedness, not just IQ. Clearly IQ ignores an infinite range of traits or talents not measurable in terms of logic and spatial intelligence. IQ assumes that if you're not above average IQ or genius on the IQ scale, that you are not exceptional or extremely gifted in other areas. It also assumes that any other area not measured by IQ is not really that significant.
 
Well I did mention that for social and economic success interest, diligence, alertness, knowing answers, understanding ideas, social skills and general contentment are more important considerations. And I.Q. measures only one specific type of giftedness. There are many more, of which for example social, physical and artistic spring to mind.
I was just talking about IQ because there's hard evidence from the swiss to support the fact that extreme intellectual giftedness does tend to cause problems. Just like there are concessions for people at the low end of the scale, it would be wonderful if the other end were taken into consideration without judgement. Everyone should be able to enjoy their talents whatever they may be and not be put in unpleasant situations for them, I think. :m054:

Wether the other types of giftedness causes social problems is another issue. I don't know. I would suppose they might because envy is such a human feeling and when you excel in something you stand out. People form opinions of you.
I find that when that happens there will be some people ready to "knock you a few pegs down" for perceived arrogance wether you think highly of yourself or not. Or so I've noticed. In my small experience you tend to get strangers come up to you telling the most hateful things if you do something at all public successfully. You get very nice things said to you too. In a perfect world your perfect self-esteem, ability to put things in proportion and buddhalike detachment would make arrows fall at your feet like snowflakes, but personally I tend to be a little less able to do that and have found it hurtful at times, especially as a child and especially when the undue resentment has come from adults in positions of authority. :m183:
 
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I always had crazy intuition (often resulting in crazy dreams that came true) when I was a kid but quickly learned people just thought I was nuts so started ignoring it for a long time till I made all the wrong choices. I never thought of it as a gift just another reason for people to think I was a weird loner.
 
There's been studies about intellectual giftedness, and to specify, in this case I'm only talking about the type measured by I.Q. tests. I was actually going to post a thread about this because It was on my mind after reading an article about the social problems of intellectually gifted children in the paper.
Apparently there are a few studies about the correlation between high IQs and success in later life and they found that out of the children with a moderately high IQ 60% did well in life whereas children with very high IQs had a proportionately higher risk of social problems and failure in school and work. People with IQs starting from 120 experience similiar problems which are exasperated the higher the IQ.

I find that some of the problems you mentioned, like a strong dislike to repetitive learning, are typical to intellectual giftedness.
I found a very informative booklet for teachers describing these problems online in this address:
https://www.asep-suisse.org/joomla/

[MENTION=4982]Reverie[/MENTION] - This was quite an entertaining read...oh man, if only this booklet were available to my teachers and parents when I was a child. There were so many things in this booklet that corresponded with my childhood years at school! I was finally tested for learning disabilities in the Fourth grade, and big surprise, there weren't any...but my IQ was just above 130...I had a High School reading level and comprehension...my Math was always the lowest as I never had any reason given to me as to why it was important to know...it was just consistently shoved down my throat and told it was "just something you have to learn". Which is why I ended up throwing my Math book in the garbage in the 3rd grade and telling the teacher I lost it....far too much repetition for me...it was so frustrating to do the first 5 problem...which would be correct...then have a whole page of 25 more problems to do...it was torturous to me! I was eventually sent to a "Magnet School" in the 5th grade which was supposed to have an accelerated program but which also proved disastrous for me because it had the same learning methodology only at an accelerated pace...I wanted reasons why I needed to learn things and those reasons were never explained to me. I probably would have tried a bit harder in math if for example I clear reason and/or goal was presented. Still I could never stand the repetition! That just wasn't how I leaned. The same continued through middle school and into HS. I would often become friends with my teachers as I loved talking with adults, but I would also consistently get poor grades. I would sporadically get A's on certain subjects and papers where I was able to think outside of the box or use my imagination...and there were one or two teachers who actually recognized this...and I still correspond with them to this day. In HS I even got an F in art of all things, something I love and love creating because the class was too structured for me, the projects had too many boundaries....you had to create "art" this way and only this way and if you didn't do it that way you failed. I spitefully created a final project to purposefully piss my teacher off even I remember. We had to create something practical out of ceramics. Which made me angry, it was art class for christ sake, I wanted to create a sculpture, or something abstract, something beautiful not something practical...how stupid it seemed to me! I made a coffee mug....but not just any mug...I covered it with spikes so completely that it would be impossible to pick up much less drink out of....lololol. I got an F, but it was soooo worth it! The thing was is that I DID, if the teacher really paid attention, I followed all the correct ways of making something out of ceramics...like cross-hatching the attachments together.....lolol....she just didn't get it.
My Senior year in HS I went to my counselor and made up the bullshit reason of insomnia and asked to be put on independent study...which is where you go to school once a week and meet with a teacher for 3 hours, turn in your work, take your tests, discuss certain things about it, and then take your work for the next week to learn and complete at home on your own. They didn't even ask me for a Doctor's note...they just took my word for it.....lolol. It was the best thing I had ever done! I loved the freedom that it gave me to learn at me own pace...to discuss the subject matter with the teacher on a more personal level. My teacher even let me choose the next subject matter...from a list of course...but it was still so much better than normal school! I didn't miss the social interaction of HS in the slightest bit either! College was a little better, as they leave the learning up to you more than in regular school. I would excel easily in the subjects that interested me (as has always been the case) and I would often go way beyond the required amount of work if it was something I was passionate about....lolol...I remember I had to write a 10 page persuasive essay for my writing class...I wrote mine on "Why there is no Hell" Mostly because I had a lot of evangelical type classmates that were constantly espousing their views and trying to shove it down everyone's throat in the class....so while they decided to write theirs on "Abortion" or "Evolution"...I wrote mine on Hell...and why it doesn't exist from a Theological and logical (at least as logical as religion can be) standpoint....it ended up being 30+ pages...we had to read them to the class....oh God! If you could have seen their faces! I t was so much fun...I even had 5 people ask me for copies....lolol....one of them said he needed to go speak to his Pastor about my essay as he has a lot of questions I brought up for him....lolo...it was a glorious moment! lol And college also provided the opportunity to choose more freely your subjects, which also helped me do better....I breezed through the classes that interested me without much studying or prepping, much to the distaste of my classmates.
My point it...that I fully agree based on my own years of education that there all children who slip through the cracks...I wish I could go back in time and give this little booklet to my teachers and parents.....I think I would have done better if I was allowed a less structured and open learning environment.
Thanks for your response!
 
I've been a little confused about IQ ranges. What does a 120 IQ mean?
 
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Having a 120 IQ means your score is in the ninty-one percentile of the upper end of the bell curve out of the people who have taken these tests.
 
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Here is a bell curve for you
 

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[MENTION=5045]Skarekrow[/MENTION] - interesting experience. I can think of a few people who I knew in school who had similar feelings but they were treated as bad kids with behavior problems who didn't conform.
 
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I used to get this. Then I used my 'gifts' to learn how to be likeable. Now I get along just fine! :D

My #1 tip to give you newbies a head start to find the faults you do have, even if people might not recognize them as flaws, and instead of downplaying them, play them up. It gives people something to latch on to so that they don't feel inferior.

That's not all you have to do, of course. Be perceptive and receptive. I know you have it in you. Develop hypotheses about why people react the way they do, and test them. This is how things get done!!

Personally, I do have ADHD despite how much everyone says 'oh you're just smart and bored with it'. That's something to be aware of. Maybe there's no difference. Who knows. But ADHD meds do help me perform in school when I don't feel like it, for example.
 
[MENTION=5045]Skarekrow[/MENTION]
I can totally relate to that cup story. I was quite talented in arts in high school and my teacher had told other students that I was best in the whole school of 500. It was taken as a sort of given that I'd continue to art school afterwards. They are very difficult to get in where I'm from. Admission is around 2%. You need top grades and a glowing recommendation. Problem was I had a chronic illness and missed school a lot. My teacher was like yours and had a very tight schedule of what work needed to be done and I was behind by the end of the year because of my condition. I wasn't allowed in the admissions prep group that trained for art school entrance exams and had to do the simple basic work I'd missed instead. I finally rushed through the remainder and put my work in the ready box a minute before the final grading. I received a C as my final grade. I was devastated. I went to her class and asked how that was and she started yelling at me that I hadn't handed in all the work in. After some time all my missing work was found stuffed behind the returns desk, but by then it was too late. I had a low grade and no recommendations and didn't get enough points in admissions. Sad stuff.
Math was very hard for me too. When we got to the times tables I began falling behind because I just could not memorize lists. I still to this day count 7x6 as 7+7=14 14...28...42 It's so funny. The WAISS had some 60second math problems. I know how to get the result but I can't in 60seconds because I can't multiply and it takes longer to do all the adding... ;D
My memorization of lists is so bad I had to stay behind the day we had to memorize the ten commandments... Can't do lists by heart. If every single thing on the list has been gone into deeply I'll remember them, but not an "empty" string of words.
In general I employed shock tactics too in school to cope. I was sent to the school counselor for picking abnormal psyche as a presentation topic... Had a couple of excellent teachers though. One gave me a copy of Alice Miller's Drama Of The Gifted Child as a present. Some let me do special tasks in class while others beavered away doing the regular stuff. Like letting me write stories while other kids learned their ABCs, or later letting me take classes independently or like one art teacher later on who after the first work I submitted said "Go home. you don't have to come to the class anymore. You'll get As on all my courses. You won't learn anything new here." That was nice.
I'm delving into my issues with education now because I'm thinking of going back so I want to know why I have the negative feelings I have towards the subject. I'm hoping to transform that knowledge into an understanding of HOW I function most efficiently and what triggers my agitation and how I can cope with it.
I think school years were a difficult time and it might have helped if it would have been recognized I had different needs. But i'm really glad you found that leaflet helpful. :) Knowledge is empowerment. I've been able to reframe lots of my experiences as a tragic misunderstanding and miscommunication. It helps me view past experiences with more dignity and compassion. :)