Generation from the Divorced

[Oranguh]

Hmmm, that title sounds kinda depressing.

Regardless, it's a known that there is a new generation of peoples who have parents that are divorced. Whenever I ask my peers if their parents are divorced or not it's not really abnormal to hear that they are.

What I find interesting is how this phenomena influences our society. There are many different outlooks that can be interpreted as bad or even good, but what I'm most interested in is how it would change the outlook of society, not if the change is per se good or bad.

Some more obvious notions are:

Marriage loses merit due to people having divorced parents.

couples considering different factors when having/raising children.

People having (slightly) different goals when looking for their significant others.

etc. etc.~~

Share your personal stories and your opinionz.

But do not start a flame war >;0! Ya'll intuitive feelers so I expect that you know exactly how people can interpret what you say. Try to give the benefit of the doubt and keep in mind: It's not about being right, it's about becoming wiser.

BTW sorry if this thread has been made before. I mean yea, It's possible right?

 

[IndigoSensor]

My parents divorced shortly before I turned 4 years old. It was a very good move, and it would have been terrible for them to stay together. For both me, and them.

I don't see divorce as good, or bad. It simply is what it is.

 

[88chaz88]

My parents divorced shortly before I turned 4 years old. It was a very good move, and it would have been terrible for them to stay together. For both me, and them.

I don't see divorce as good, or bad. It simply is what it is.

+1, except I was 7/8 ish.

I don't plan on continuing the trend though.

 

[Oranguh]

But but but~ what implications would it have on society when such a large percentage of children have divorced parents? Surely some change would occur that's unprecedented in preceding generations. Many say that families are the cornerstone for society, surely this drastic change in the family composition would yield an interesting shift in society :0 right? right? Perhaps the shift is already becoming more apparent at this very moment. Society is always changing, can we somehow link this phenomenon to some changes in the social psyche?

:3

 

[88chaz88]

But but but~ what implications would it have on society when such a large percentage of children have divorced parents? Surely some change would occur that's unprecedented in preceding generations. Many say that families are the cornerstone for society, surely this drastic change in the family composition would yield an interesting shift in society :0 right? right? Perhaps the shift is already becoming more apparent at this very moment. Society is always changing, can we somehow link this phenomenon to some changes in the social psyche?

:3

I can't say it's affected me that badly in the long term. The only time it becomes a problem is if one parent is alienated or a terrible mother/father in the first place.

 

[Oranguh]

I don't plan on continuing the trend though.

I can't say it's affected me that badly in the long term.

Yaaay this was the kind of response I was actually looking for.

By stating you're not intending on continuing the trend I get the impression that that statement was reinforced, or at least, inspired by the fact that your parents themselves had a divorce.

From this one example we can draw a hypothesis saying "Will people with divorced parents have a lower divorce rate than people who don't have divorced parents?"

By stating it hasn't affected you in the long term I get the impression you have experienced the experience quite well. (oh I love doing that, just like unprecedented in preceding events, lol) But say you were in a household where there was no marital tension/conflict to be spoken of. Would you have become a different person? How would your outlook on marriage/society be different? Do these outlooks have a significant effect on society?



aah these discussions are so much fun. Although it seems like I'm the only one having fun in the first place lolol

 

[Billy]

But but but~ what implications would it have on society when such a large percentage of children have divorced parents? Surely some change would occur that's unprecedented in preceding generations. Many say that families are the cornerstone for society, surely this drastic change in the family composition would yield an interesting shift in society :0 right? right? Perhaps the shift is already becoming more apparent at this very moment. Society is always changing, can we somehow link this phenomenon to some changes in the social psyche?

:3

Well I think the idea of marriage has been changing for some time, from a rigid standard of family to a "commitment of love" which as we all know is as wishy washy as anything these days, since one day you're in the thralls of love, and the next you aren't. As such I think (and rightly so) people are beginning to take a more realistic look at marriage, as we live longer and communication gets better, and people become more autonomous (self obsessed) it will increase and become more normal. Its becoming less an institution.

It is also changing the way dating and romance happens in a few ways, you can barely go anywhere these days without hearing women complain that men are no living up to their end of the gender-deal which makes sense since it was marriage that largely benefitted non-alpha males by granting them access to regular sex, assurance of their children's lineage, and property sharing. With that off the table, they can just return to their natural role as anonymous sex seekers and semen donors.

This isn't a rule of law just yet, but I think that is the way the trend is headed and has been headed since women have become more equal.

I think a look at the gay male community is a good idea of which way heterosexual couples could be headed, not 100% so, but more or less. And by that, please understand I am NOT impugning gays or anyone or their choices, but in the stuff I read and what I have been told by gay friends and have seen, there isnt a huge drive for monogamy, from what I have seen monogamy is more or less something that is there, but not as prevalent as having multiple partners with no real commitments. And even in marriages where there is commitment many gay couples engage in having different sexual partners but come home to the one they love. Thats not true of all of them of course, but it is certainly true of many of them, certainly enough that its a visible statistic.

I think divorce is less a cause and more of a side effect of a bigger phenomenon.

 

[Oranguh]

I think divorce is less a cause and more of a side effect of a bigger phenomenon.

I like this, I actually like this very much. It is very well possible to draw conclusions from the past on how the rise of gender equity and more autonomy in individuals (lol, autonomy in individuals) has influenced divorce rates in general.

But everything is in a sense a part of causality. Does this greater trend encompass divorce trends? Or do divorce trends themselves bring about their own chain of causality?

The reasons to why this trend happened is very important to note. But I have to be honest, I'm too interested in how people will "react" to this trend and how they go about it, although linking it to the bigger picture is always welcome. It might derail the whole discussion into something else though, but yea that might be fun in it's own way.

 

[Billy]

I like this, I actually like this very much. It is very well possible to draw conclusions from the past on how the rise of gender equity and more autonomy in individuals (lol, autonomy in individuals) has influenced divorce rates in general.

But everything is in a sense a part of causality. Does this greater trend encompass divorce trends? Or do divorce trends themselves bring about their own chain of causality?

The reasons to why this trend happened is very important to note. But I have to be honest, I'm too interested in how people will "react" to this trend and how they go about it, although linking it to the bigger picture is always welcome. It might derail the whole discussion into something else though, but yea that might be fun in it's own way.

I think other agents caused it, and then it happened and now it has its own way of changing and causing new trends, this seems to be the way of all actions.

 

[Galileo]

I think that one of the possible effects that the increased divorce rate could certainly have on the children of the divorcees is simply the fact that they may value commitment less or see it quite a bit differently from how the previous generation saw it.

I agree that divorce should be legal, but perhaps it should be harder to get married, I don't know. I just feel that not enough of my peers value marriage as the life-long choice that it should be.

That said, My grandparents on my mother's side and my parents divorced in the same year, and it was the best thing for everyone involved.

I have friends who have gotten engaged after just 3 months, and I just don't feel that that's enough time to decide that you want to marry someone and commit to them.

A definite effect that I feel this is happening on younger children is that many are not getting the amount of attention they should be from parents. However this is happening in families where both parents are still together who are working full time jobs, but I feel that it could certainly effect children of divorced couples to a great extent.

 

[Oranguh]

value commitment less or see it quite a bit differently from how the previous generation saw it.

What implications may this have on society? Values have always been changing throughout the course of mankind, can we predict how the future will be through deduction of the data at hand?

but perhaps it should be harder to get married

Do you believe that society would become a better place when that happens?
Does it have to do with the following reasons you kinda gave?:
1. Couples are protected from what seems to be merely illusions
2. Possible children are protected from unnecessary neglect and trauma

As deducted by quote + quote

I have friends who have gotten engaged after just 3 months, and I just don't feel that that's enough time to decide that you want to marry someone and commit to them.

and

many are not getting the amount of attention they should be from parents.

The question that arises is. Is having divorced parents bad per se?
Couldn't one see this new way of family dynamics as a chance to critically inspect the value of marriage and love itself? Couldn't one say that through these experiences one would be able to find purer and more deeply interwoven love and connection? It's certainly possible, right? (crazy Ne)

The status quo on what marriage should be/ought to be all are well felt, but perhaps a change in society would be interesting. . . . to say the least.

Another question that's worth asking is: what kind of effects a law that states that "Couples should not be able to get married prematurely" have.

Would it backfire making people even more lazy and laid back? Would people rebel due to them feeling restrained?

But in general I do agree that their commitment would last longer in general. But what kind of implications would that have on society? Would we live in a more stable society? Would everything be better?

The main issue I have with "good and bad" Is that I kinda like to believe that bad experiences are good for you. Hardships make people more... human, stronger. To me a perfect society (if it exists) would have to be filled with hardships and struggles.

I think I kinda derailed a bit.

 

[Billy]

From what I know of people, children will often try not to be like their parents, sure they may find that some personality traits are inherited and they cant help it, but what we can control are out actions. I wonder if generation divorce will give rise to generation "I will never divorce"? Much like many kids who grow up getting abused grow up to be so against abuse... I am sure this is true of many cases, but will it be enough cases to make it into a trend on its own?

 

[This]

I don't know if marriage per say is such an important thing, I don't think it's necessary although I do think that children do need both positive male and female influences. I think many young boys raised by single mothers do have certain problems. I think as long as there is a balance it's healthy. I can't speak from experience though, my parents have been married for 35 years.

 

[Galileo]

What implications may this have on society? Values have always been changing throughout the course of mankind, can we predict how the future will be through deduction of the data at hand?



Do you believe that society would become a better place when that happens?
Does it have to do with the following reasons you kinda gave?:
1. Couples are protected from what seems to be merely illusions
2. Possible children are protected from unnecessary neglect and trauma

As deducted by quote + quote

and


The question that arises is. Is having divorced parents bad per se?
Couldn't one see this new way of family dynamics as a chance to critically inspect the value of marriage and love itself? Couldn't one say that through these experiences one would be able to find purer and more deeply interwoven love and connection? It's certainly possible, right? (crazy Ne)

The status quo on what marriage should be/ought to be all are well felt, but perhaps a change in society would be interesting. . . . to say the least.

Another question that's worth asking is what kind of effects a law that states that "Couples should not be able to get married prematurely" have.

Would it backfire making people even more lazy and laid back? Would people rebel due to them feeling restrained?

But in general I do agree that their commitment would last longer in general. But what kind of implications would that have on society? Would we live in a more stable society? Would everything be better?

The main issue I have with "good and bad" Is that I kinda like to believe that bad experiences are good for you. Hardships make people more... human, stronger. To me a perfect society (if it exists) would have to be filled with hardships and struggles.

I think I kinda derailed a bit.

I think that society in general would benifit from more parents staying together, yes. 95% of the young people that come through the homelessness service I work for have come from single parent families. A teacher friend of mine told me recently that the biggest trouble makers in her particular school, and also the ones with severe reading difficulties, have come from single parent families for the most part.
When my parents were together, and when they weren't whacked out on drugs for hours on end, they actually did things that parents should do. They read to me, helped me with my homework and talked to me, engaged with me about what I was doing at school and so on.
This, as opposed to my landlady, who works at a school all day in one of the most disadvantaged areas in the state, who comes home and hardly engages her own child. For the most part he sits in front of the TV or runs around the house pretending to fight off aliens. Usually there's a big rush at the end of the week to complete unfinished homework because she hasn't been keeping an eye on his progress. But I understand how difficult it is for her. she's a single mother who's got an 8 year old that requires a lot of attention that she just doesn't have the energy to give on week days.

When my own parents got divorced, engaging with my father became infinately more difficult. He would work all day. from 5;30am to 5'30pmish he would be out of the house and for most saturdays he'd work till midday. When he came home he wanted to relax and drink, not deal with a schoolgirl's issues and homework.


Hardship can make people more human, but it can also serve to make people less human, or more angry and violent. I think, on the whole of it, the less hardship the better.
I think the more stability in the home the better. when you have children, a divorce doesn't just effect the two of you anymore, it effects those children as well, and this is why I believe society needs to take marriage, divorce, and parenting more seriously.


and when I say marriage, I don't just mean legal marriage, I mean all forms of serious relationship, especially those that involve raising a child.

 

[Oranguh]

I don't know if marriage per say is such an important thing, I don't think it's necessary

That's a very good observation. True, I agree that being married is not vital to what we perceive as a healthy family. For example: An uncle and aunt I have are not married but have been "living together" for more than a decade already with two children.

But even in this situation, a metaphorical divorce is very well possible. Then the situation happens as you describe as quotes

I think many young boys raised by single mothers do have certain problems.

But apart of that. I am sure that being raised by a single parent all your life due to... one of your parents leaving you as a child (by death or something) Is quite different from experiencing one of your parents going through a divorce.

Maybe it's interesting to observe the two different instances. Both are lacking in a gender role model (to an extent) but how are the results different?

 

[88chaz88]

I think that society in general would benifit from more parents staying together, yes. 95% of the young people that come through the homelessness service I work for have come from single parent families.

That's the problem.

Divorced parents don't automatically become single parent families. I'd never say I was raised by one parent.

 

[DevilDoll]

I am a product of divorce, but my situation is slightly different. My parents separated when I was 14 and did not finalize their divorce until I was 21. I don't know that the divorce itself had a negative effect on me, though. My parents didn't raise me. They didn't see me much after the age of 7. Apparently once they had kids they realized they didn't want them. So, they left us with our grandparents and went back to the drug filled lives they had prior to the "accidental" children. My parents weren't exactly good role models on any front. Are they the reason I don't want to get married and have children? No. I don't think so. I'm just not the domestic type. Will I get married one day? Maybe. Will I get divorced? Maybe. I really can't predict the future. The only thing I can be 100% sure of is the fact that I will not make the same mistakes my parents did. I won't have kids I don't want, I won't get married on a whim, and I won't waste my life doing crystal meth in the bathroom of a strip joint. Marriage or no marriage, I will be happy.

 

[Galileo]

that's true, but the divorced parents I have met that have actually been able to balance things so that the children's needs are met have actually been in the minority.

I also think that it's impossible to expect things to remain the same once parents divorce and find new partners and live in different houses.

Generally I think children's needs can be better met with both parents in the house.

 

[Billy]

that's true, but the divorced parents I have met that have actually been able to balance things so that the children's needs are met have actually been in the minority.

I also think that it's impossible to expect things to remain the same once parents divorce and find new partners and live in different houses.

Generally I think children's needs can be better met with both parents in the house.

Yes that is the most ideal situation, but reality is usually far from ideal. I notice a lot of people equate boys having behavioral problems because of divorced parents, the truth is that its when there is no father in the picture at all that those problems become apparent.

 

[Oranguh]

I knew this would be a good idea ~ I had a feeling many people would have divorced parents (myself included) with lots of interesting outlooks and experiences :3.

Now let's get things into perspective.

We have established that children have needs. One of those needs would most likely be the requirement of proper attention and "role models". Most of the time a divorce would hamper the pipeline to these needs. But then again, these needs can also be challenged by variables other than divorce. On top of that, not all cases of divorce automatically result in the malnourishment of the child's needs. (As heard from Mr Chaz)

The ideal divorce (lol is that an oxymoron?)
Now if we were to take into perspective a scenario where a relatively simple and relaxed divorce took place. (one where the child still had access to his/her needs without a violent/abrupt divorce) Would the child still be affected in any way?

This challenges many theories that divorce itself is bad. Divorce can be bad, and usually is bad, but perhaps the problem doesn't lie with marital bonds but at the individual. But then again, I find it hard to truly blame anyone.... so hmmm. What question to ask now.....