to go further on this nobelheart, do you think that men should always take the first step in starting a relationship? These days it seems that both genders should do the effort to take the first step. But to me it seems unnatural. It feels more natural for the women to show the men that they are interested or not, flirting with them, showing that they are available and then the men has to step up and take them
I personally believe in equality, but with a chivalrous bent. I personally love it when a girl makes the first move, so long as it is a subtle move for my attention to get me started on chasing her, but I am happy to be the one to initiate. I think it is the woman's responsibility to keep a man interested by giving him signs that she is interested, but it is definitely the man's responsibility to chase her and be assertive about wanting her. I also believe in politeness and moving slowly because I believe in love, and to create a lasting love.
However, nature doesn't care one bit about anything but keeping the species as strong as possible. Nature doesn't care about love. Females are attracted to strong willed males - hence their fixation on all the masculine attributes like protection, providing, etc. Males are attracted to healthy females - hence our fixation on beauty. These two things keep the species strong and healthy.
Personally, I wish it weren't so, but nature is what nature is, and while it might not seem fair, it is equitable. Men have to meet a woman's expectations, and a woman has to meet a man's expectations. The day that men stop being attracted to women because of the way they look, is the day that women would no longer have the right to be attracted to strong men. Until then, that's just human nature. We have to accept it and work around it where we can.
OK as for this one it's very slippery as to who chooses whom. Think for example of a similar situation in a customer-merchant relationship.
From my subjective experience it's much better to let the woman choose or at least make the appearance of it. It's an unspoken cultural norm and comfirmed by women who actually were in my bed.
A woman is not attracted to a pair of shoes because they are a strong provider. The analogy is not applicable. What a woman wants in a mate and from a mate are not at all synonymous with what they want from inanimate objects, or from polite members of society. Women want to be treated well and with respect. They want to be shown love. No one is doubting or refuting that. However, these are wants. Women need a strong man. When a strong man also meets a woman's wants, then the situation is ideal for a woman.
Nice guys take note: If you truly want to be everything the woman you love needs, keep doing everything you are already doing. Treat her well, and with respect. Talk to her. Listen to her. Buy her things. Be kind, sweet, patient, and most of all love her. The point I am trying to make here isn't to change your behavior, but simply
add to it. You do all the things mentioned above because you know she wants you to, right? Then
add to these things being strong for her, because this above all things will bring her the most satisfaction and happiness.
I suppose you can sometimes enforce the feelings in a way described but it takes almost super-human abilities.
It doesn't take super human abilities. For many years I had trouble getting women to date me. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. They liked me, even told me they were attracted to me. But for some reason I kept losing them to bad boys, pushy dickheads, and assholes. It never made any sense until I met the love of my life, and I wouldn't take no for an answer. I treated her well, but I was willing to do whatever I had to do for her to be mine, and it was very clear in everything I said and did. It worked like a charm. The reason you've had women in your bed is because they saw a strength in you. The reason they're still not in your bed is likely because you didn't take them for your own, but instead did the nice guy thing which was to not pressure them, and try to let the friendship blossom into a partnership. I agree that it shouldn't be this way, but it is. Women have no instinct to be with a man who lets them leave.
yeah you are right but I can imagine what the conversation would be like.
- Hey I like you as a person but I'm not attracted to you because you are not putting in enough effort to persuate me.
*I gave you flowers isn't that what women want
- yeah but you should do it in a more masculine way you know, be the man, you have to take me, show me you are strong!
* o you want me to be like those bad guys who tread there women like shit, you want to be treated like shit then?
- no that is not what I'm talking about
* then what are you talking about?
- never mind...
any tips?
Yes, don't say 'never mind...'
Figure out how to explain to him what it is that you want. Women are really bad about this because you seem to think that if you have to explain it, or tell us what you want, then it isn't sincere or something. This is the biggest problem women face in the 21st century. Women have gone out of their way to explain what you want in addition to a man being strong, but have neglected to notice that in doing so you've basically told us that you want us to behave in a way that isn't strong. It is your own fault that all the good guys are treating you the way they are. You've asked us to, and we want to give you what you want. You can't assume that men instinctively understand what you want, especially with respect to us being 'strong' for you. If you see potential in a guy, don't give up on it without explaining to him what it is you truly want. If he is interested in you, he'll listen, think about it, ask some questions, and eventually figure it out.