Friends who don't get you but you get them completely | INFJ Forum

Friends who don't get you but you get them completely

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, Sep 6, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    I'm going through it right now and trying to figure out how much longer i can deal without going crazy.

    Anyone has experience with this? How do you handle it? Did you find ways to compromise?
     
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    #1 Gaze, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2010
  2. Soulful

    Soulful life is good

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    I feel for you. That's a difficult position to be in. It just plain sucks, especially if the other person has no clue.

    In my case, I will probably be parting ways (or parting from closeness) with the person. In my experience, it's hard to feel unseen/unheard by someone who is, by virtue of the relationship, supposed to 'get' you and accept you as you are. When I was younger I was able to put this aside with my friend because genuinely enjoying her presence was enough. But as I've grown, I've come to want to exist in my own right, and for that to happen I need to be seen and heard. Sadly, I don't know that there is a compromise. We both have a right to be ourselves and to have our core needs met.
     
    #2 Soulful, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2010
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  3. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    Got a couple of those, they may not get me, but they care for me in their own (often awkward)way.
     
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  4. rawr

    rawr ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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    can't say i relate... :S
     
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  5. OP
    Gaze

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    Exactly. It's not a fair compromise and i'm beginning to feel it taking away too much from who i am. need to breathe. maybe i just need to be a stronger person and let the friendship go. She's moving away next year, so maybe it will be easier then.
     
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  6. Barnabas

    Barnabas Time Lord

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    I we talking about friends or "friends"?
     
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  7. OP
    Gaze

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    Relate it to whatever fits your experience. In my example, i'm referring to friends.
     
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  8. Grey Wolf

    Grey Wolf Airborne all the way!

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    pretty much all of my friends are like this HAHAH
    they think they get me, but 99.9% of them dont.

    their assumption is always amusing to me and I honestly prefer that they dont know me anyway ;)

    only a few old close friends know me. unfortunately, our contact is extremely low these days. but when we do meet up, you can see that we still get each other. which is awesome
     
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  9. IndigoSensor

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    I don't stay friends for very long with someone who thinks they get me when they don't (after I have tried to point out their fallacies). If you don't have a clear understanding (or at the very least, clear enough), why stay friends?

    Of course, you can have friends who are very different from you and might not "understand you" but at the same time they do "understand you". That is often a very benifical friendship.
     
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  10. 88chaz88

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    None of my friends truly get me but I don't pretend to truly get them.
     
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  11. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    I can relate. I think they understand me in their own way, the way I understand them in my own way, but sometimes it's just..... nice, to feel understood in your own way.

    *hugs*
     
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  12. Avva

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    None of my friends truly get me either. It just depends on how it affects the relationship. With some of them it works, with others it doesn't.
    If it drives you crazy it's probably the best thing to end the friendship, otherwise there will be discussions which can never be really worked out.
     
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    Gaze

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    Good point. I don't expect friends to know everything or get everything about me, but it's a bit much to constantly be expected to accommodate their preferences, while suppress or ignore mine. There should be more compromise.

    Exactly. This is pretty much what i mean. I wouldn't be seeking friends to be like me. It's good to have friends who are different. But if we are going to be friends, it helps if we understand those differences.

    thx Tri. Agree that it helps to be understood and respected for who we are.

    Yeah, i agree to some extent.
     
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    #13 Gaze, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2010
  14. the

    the Si master race.
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    How do you know that you get them completely?
     
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    Gaze

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    Maybe i do, maybe i don't. In any case, my point is there is not enough compromise. If i'm always expected to be understanding and accommodate who you are, without you taking the time to do the same for me, it gets tedious. I won't say i understand my friend fully but most of the time when she is explaining how she feels or thinks, i understand, but she rarely understands or has the ability to empathize when i share situations i'm struggling with, because she seems unable to relate to few situations unless she has personal experience with it, while i'm the complete opposite. I think it has to do with empathy (could be wrong).
     
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    #15 Gaze, Sep 6, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2010
  16. Kgal

    Kgal Magic Star Dust
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    I think one has to ask themselves what are they getting out of any relationship. What is it about the relationship that brings a smile to your face? What do they provide in the relationship you enjoy that you don't bring to it?

    Some of my friends are outgoing and rambunctious and playful. When they ask me to go along with their escapades I experience sheer terror and joy at the same time. Take the time they talked me into performing in a belly dance show for a MardiGras grand party in front of hundreds of people and on television no less .... Good lord - I'll never do that again - but I had a helluva time doing it. Oh yes...sheer terror, but also the joy of dancing...They help me stretch and grow. Do they totally get me? Hell no. No one does really.

    Whenever I don't agree or don't want to do what they do - I tell them so. It's as simple as that. My friends all know me as being weird and they love it that way - 'cause they know I'm the one they can count on to call up on their issues they can't talk with anyone else about.

    It's a win - win situation. They get a solid shoulder, a warm heart, and a listening ear - I get to stretch outside of my comfort zone.

    Be yourself Anita. The friendship will go the way it's supposed to. Which will be best for you.
     
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    Gaze

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    I see your point. However, my point is simply this, friends need to learn to compromise. tbh, as i'm reading the responses, i think i'm realizing more and more that i can't hold friends responsible for how i think or feel about the friendship since everyone has their own sense of what it means to be a friend. From my end, i'm just now realizing that for a friendship to be satisfying, at least for me, it should be mutual. I don't expect everyone to agree, but this is something i appreciate and look for in someone i call a friend.
     
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    #17 Gaze, Sep 7, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2010
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