friend zone

It sounds like you have fallen for her.

Distance isn't going to make those kind of feelings just go away.

You need to be clear with yourself about how you feel and then be open and honest with her. I would not advise putting yourself in an even more vulnerable spot until you are ready to do so, but that is just me.

 

What Satya said. It I were in your position I would let my feelings be known to her.

 

Have you listed all of the problems that you would have, or that you assume you would have? If not, now is the time to state them.

 

Well, if shes moving, her asking you to move to sounds like she needs you too, (whether she knows it or not) I would tell her how you feel before deciding to move or not. If she feels the same, then go for it!!!
If you've had some romance, she probably realizes that the moving offer sounds relationship-esque. If she doesn't want to be more than friends, then it sounds like she might be playing you. be careful!

 

So then you've already made your choice.

pros vs cons

Apparently the pros outweighs the cons in this situation.

 

Myself, I know what you're going through, and it SUCKS.

Your best bet would be to take it one step at a time. First off, she offered to have you move to the same area as her. Are you going to? Cuz if not, that would make things much more difficult..

If you are, then it's a matter of patience and will. Keep her attention focused on you, but don't become domineering or obsessed. Do it subtly. You were close to a romantic relationship; keep it in that spot, until you sure there's no hope. Let her get comfortable with it. Wait to make each move until you feel it's the right time. It's difficult, VERY difficult, and it takes time and will probably drive you crazy. But it's worth the wait...

I hope this'll help.

 

Building a wall won't do anything except for allow these feelings to well up behind it. I agree that an outlet is advisable -- that doesn't necessarily mean you have to tell her directly everything you feel, but it might be a good idea to make sure you let her know if you feel neglected. If you're a good friend to her, then you'll at least have that right. Don't dump your feelings on her; find another outlet, maybe a creative hobby (writing can help release a lot of pent-up frustrations). I find that forums like this help me talk about what's going on without actually revealing it to the "real world," and sometimes that helps.

Remember that if she DOES start dating another guy, it's not the end of the world. You might still have a chance later. The trick is to control yourself and your emotions (which is also the hard part) -- if you can do that, then it's easier to decide what to do next.

If you can't be directly with her for a while, make sure to show her you're thinking of her -- keep in contact, and don't waver.

 

My take on this is that your actions when she was with the other guy were motivated not by curiosity but by doubt: doubt in her, but more importantly, doubt in yourself and the relationship. And doubt is a killer, as is jealousy. I know, I've been there.

From what you've written, it seems this girl has given you plenty of signals that she wants a relationship with you: spending so much time with you, her shows of affection, her asking you to move to the town where she will be living (not to be taken lightly, especially if she ended the romantic part of your relationship because of the upcoming move). It appears to me that you are well out of the friend zone.

It seems to me the crux of all your suffering is a lack of trust, both in yourself and in this girl. Letting her know how you feel, deciding to move to wherever it is she is going all involve risk; but then all relationships are a risky business. There is the old adage, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," that might be well for you to remember right now.

It's possible, of course, that you could take these risks and she could still get back together with her ex, but you have no control over that. My advice is to give this your best shot and then let it go, let things unfold with this girl and enjoy what you have with her now.

And take Gloomy-Optimist's advice to heart; she is an incredibly wise young woman.

 

Wow dude - sounds like you've got what I had... but in spades.

I was absolutely crazy about a girl for almost a year. I thought she was totally sending me signals. Then I found out she was dating someone else already. I was crushed.
Later, she broke up with the guy - but I was still cool leaving things as they were. Until she started asking me for advice on some stuff. Once again I jumped to the conclusion that she was totally into me. After talking about it with a couple of friends, I found out that she's like that with a LOT of guys. Calling them, texting them... she's really co-dependent.

I learned two things from this painful experience:
1. What I wanted in a woman - one that wouldn't have TONS of guy friends, of whom I was one of them, just the boyfriend.
2. I learned that I jump to conclusions at the drop of a hat.

My advice to you is, first, to decide if you're REALLY ok with her having friendly relationships with guys (if that's something she does). If it's hard now, how hard will it be if she continues to do that after you're in a committed relationship and you've given up your life where you are now to move with her. Could make for some serious resentment.

Second, be aware, as you already are of how quickly you jump to conclusions. These jumps can leave you doubting yourself and your friend. Just be really careful how quickly you let yourself go down that road. The best way to fight doubt is with truth.
It may suck, but I would seriously have a talk with your friend. I would try to make it about you and not about her, though. Tell her how you're struggling with the decision about moving to be with her, be open and transparent about your feelings, and be honest with how hard it sounds, while considering a relationship with her, to watch her be friendly with other guys.

I'm telling you man. Her reaction, whether accepting or defensive, will tell you if you really want to move and if you really want to be in a relationship that could possibly drive you crazy for feeling like chopped liver.

One thing is for sure. I wouldn't move with her unless I've talked about all this with her. Keeping that all inside and taking a chance, hoping that it will work, is only going to go badly for you if your fears come true.

Yes, you really like this girl, but is she really who you think she is? Or are you letting your expectations for the relationship decide who she is.