How does one come to forgive themselves? It may seem like a simple question, but what does it truly mean?
To forgive myself? Hmm, I actually haven't thought about this before. At first glance I would think I forgive myself by repeating the action or whatnot that caused me to feel bad again at a later time, and hopefully do it again correctly (this is instinctive for me really). I actually don't really need to forgive myself for doing something. If it is minor enough it sort of goes away on it's own, even if it was bothering my a decent amount the day/night before.
Forgiving yourself seems kind of self destructive. Why would you betray yourself in the first part? Or anger yourself, etc.? Sounds like more a matter of cleaning up mistakes then forgiving yourself.
It's not completely based on self-betrayal. It's feeling guilty years after committing some offense. You can't forgive yourself for hurting someone else, something like that. I ask because I don't know what sort of advice to give to someone in this situation. I've told them that in the past, I've accepted my mistakes and tried to learn from them. But it seems this is not enough.
Yeah. I really don't beat myself up over my mistakes because you can't fix the past, just have to make the future last.
I think forgiving yourself means that you've come to terms with your mistakes, and realized that the only way to make amends is to learn from them and move on. To me, guilt is the opposite of this. Guilt is an emotion that gives you the impression that there's something missing; that there's something else you could have done, or can do, often with a self-punishment/redemption component weaved in. It's an active emotion that is constantly present and spurring you on that I don't think you can battle off until you've rationally accepted you've done all you can. When you realize that all you can do, is all you can do, I think that's when you're ready to approach the self-forgiveness phase. You realize that you can either sit here, with a barrel of regrets and let the whole thing obstruct potentially brighter possibilities, or you can just accept what you've done and move on, taking the lessons into advisement to help you craft a better future. In other words, I think the key here is acceptance. Acceptance and a willingness to move forward. Often, though, some people have psychological hang ups, and have trouble moving on into a new phase of their life because they are actually afraid to let go. It's like they're afraid that if they forgive themselves, they might make the same mistake again. I can't think of a step-by-step plan here, though. Everyone is different, and everyone completes their soul-searching on their own time.
Maybe this not enough feeling is a need for something greator. I've noticed that when people have this they often make a great change once the the gap is filled up. I think most of the time it's for the best. I think it can be a positive thing. I know that not feeling guilty can be destructive to people around you (self experince). But to much renders you useless (self experince). Well acknowledging is the first step. Maybe you need is action. Try making up for your mistake or help with charity. I'm having trouble myself trying to get involved but when I do I feel good. It takes the guilt away. If it doesn't maybe your not helping a worthy cause like football fundraisers ect.. as compared to helping the poor, handicapped, and lonely people. Their are many people in need of help. Maybe you can attain the forgiveness you want by going through repentance by doing charity.
This is insightful. I have not thought of this... I guess it all comes down to acceptance.. But why would someone rather agonize over things than accept them?
I think forgiveness is akin to understanding. If you can see what factors played into making a particular choice, how you made the wrong choice and why you did it, then it's possible to avoid it in the future. I do think it is a difficult question and tends to run rather deeply. It is difficult to feel peace or resolution with guilt.
Any number of reasons, I'd think. A lot of them purely subconscious. For one, there's the fear that if they move on, they might make the same mistake again. Or they feel like they have to agonize over it for a certain amount of time before they can forgive themselves, like some sort of a penance for their sin. The other thing is that acceptance comes with its own set of demons. Guilt can be such a vague emotion. You know that there's something you feel guilty over it, but you don't necessarily have to consciously face it and examine all its facets the same way you do when you come to terms with the full gravity of a situation. I always felt that guilt has an element of denial to it, because in a sense, it's something that has yet to be done... but you haven't gotten around to doing it yet because you're not ready to accept it as real. I'm not sure if that makes sense? But anyway, believe you me when I say I've grappled with this whole self-forgiveness business. Reading all of this over, I'd say it's much easier said than done.
Humans are always going to make fallacies. Period. Acknowledge the fact that you feel guilty for this. It is good that you are not desensitized to others' emotions. Obviously you have learned a lot because it seems that you do not want to make this same mistake again. Don't make excuses for yourself but don't stunt your emotional growth, either. Good luck. I know this is difficult.
Guilt rises from broken relationships - either with yourself or with others. It's when you feel that you should have done something that was expected but you chose not to for some reason. Stepping away from guilt is repairing that connection. Thus you need to recognize what's going on now and as DTHT said - just accept it. The next step, if something can be done about your source of guilt then do it now. If not then rest your mind in knowing that nothing more can be done. An important note should be added that often we try to get rid of the guilt by building logical justifications. This path does not lead to forgiveness but rather to some dark place of our souls.
