Failing INFJ student- need help to solve | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Failing INFJ student- need help to solve

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by thbxhs, Jul 14, 2020.

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  1. OP
    thbxhs

    thbxhs Community Member

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    Follow up. I thought hard about the insights you you all provided. I sat my boy down and talked to him deeply about the need and how to manage his life and mental illness and still get all of his dreams. I told him that he would not always be in a place where people cared about him as much as his out put and in this one we could only be there to help him if he was open with us about what was going on. That is was scary to do that, because there is a fear that people will judge him as weak or lazy. But that we knew him, And believed in him and this was a safe space to try and work this out. But, we needed to understand where he was at to help stabilize his schedule and get him the time to get the help he needs.
    He told me his plan and it was predictably unrealistic. In that he was still trying to over book himself. We put together a new plan that helped him get what he needs to get accomplished, done while preserving at least one weekend day and most week nights. We got him an appointment to see a doctor.
    I will work on his deficits later, more slowly and diligently. He trusts me on this, last year I pulled him through some really rough public speaking anxiety/problems. After he got up in front of key players and a crowd and gave an excellent science talk that was noticed and impressed people. It took us months but he got it and it worked. He trusts me, he knows I care and know what I’m doing. We can fix the other stuff.
    I also had to gut check that my own anxiety about our work. It was being deflected and landing on paranoia that our students where not learning everything they need and getting the education they deserve in the pandemic research chaos. I don’t have enough time with them like I normally do, and that worry was getting the brunt of my total anxiety. I have ways to make the time. Yes, it feels like the weight of the world sits hard on our shoulders, but my job is two fold, doing science and teaching new scientists. One feels completely out of control, the other, with effort I can continue at best capacity.
    I did what you said, I told him we believe in him and the development of his skills as well as him as a person. My expertise in neuroscience is PTSD. You could claim I know a lot more than the average bear about chronic mental illness. He knows my focus was on the absolute conviction that chronic mental illness can be managed for non-truncated potential. Then I gave him a modified version on my notorious “hero speech”, he knows this well.
    I do not abandon people.
     
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  2. GreenTea

    GreenTea Community Member

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    You really care about your students dopamine. I hope you are as kind to yourself.
     
  3. Serval

    Serval Regular Poster

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    I am also a student and, by what i was able to read and understand this person you are talking about, your student resembles very much my own depression, not actually diagnosed, but reflected as "delirium" (that i understood as not being able to detach one selves from dreams and imagination, which is not true)
    I am very happy he has someone like you, I have no one so courageous and genuine like you at my school, i hope he is doing well and will be able to rise from the dark ocean of thoughts he got into and meet the sun with a smile.
     
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  4. OP
    thbxhs

    thbxhs Community Member

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    Find someone. Not all professors will have the inclination without some work- but most of us care a lot about our students. I might be a little on the extreme side of that, but not as much as you might think.
    Also, I encourage you to go see someone and get diagnosed, if it is something you live with there is no reason you can’t live a happier more fulfilling life. The darkness is not a irresistible pull, although I know it definitely feels that way. With depression, it’s very easy to get sucked in and try to dig your way out of a hole until you just get paralyzed. It’s all about management of the illness before it takes you down that road. It takes some self care and diligence, but it can be done.
    I hope the best for you. You do not have to struggle alone. I think you would be shocked at how much we are willing to do and how much we actually care.
     
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