explaining to others what seems like everything you do? | INFJ Forum

explaining to others what seems like everything you do?

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by Blind Bandit, May 20, 2009.

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  1. Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    I'm wondering if other INFJs or people who have trouble with fitting the norms of society.

    Ever get tired of being asked to explain their actions to others. It seems I must explain everything to others. They can't seem to understand the why I feel or do what I do.

    I think this is mostly S types but it can be others.

    Is anyone else tired of this?

    And when do you say enough is simply enough?
     
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  2. chaotic_lion

    chaotic_lion Community Member

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    Well, I don't want my close ones to think I'm crazy, so I have to explain.
     
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  3. Whitefire89

    Whitefire89 Community Member

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    i know what you mean all to well.....:m107:
     
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  4. Silently Honest

    Retired Staff

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    Yeah, I gave up on doing it a while back.
     
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  5. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    Such a giant headache. I don't bother anymore, or at least it's very rare that I do and it's only for people who I know will listen.
     
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  6. OP
    Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    You hit the nail on the head.

    Most people don't care and don't listen.

    Thats what gets me.

    They just want me to explain it to them so they don't have to try and understand me.
     
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    #6 Blind Bandit, May 20, 2009
    Last edited: May 20, 2009
  7. Wyote

    Wyote Xenoi
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    Some particularly needy S types can be the most draining on me. Detail pertaining to the outside world is incredibly tedious for me to delve in to in most cases. Internal detail however, is another matter entirely. I'll gladly discuss philosophy and feelings until the wee hours, long after others typically lose interest.

    I don't care about the reasoning or the logic, only theory.
     
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    #7 Wyote, May 20, 2009
    Last edited: May 20, 2009
  8. Angelbabe2000

    Angelbabe2000 Regular Poster

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    Yeppers on That!

    MY new motto:
    Never explain, never complain.

    or
    a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.


    [​IMG]
     
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  9. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    i've completely exhausted myself in doing so in the past. now, i don't anymore. usually, if they are genuinely interested i would probably tailor the explanation to them in terms of what they need an answer to instead of seeing it as a means of self-expression.
     
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  10. Lucifer

    Lucifer Registered User #666

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    Having been on the other side of the coin I can say it is also frustrating to not know why your friend behaves in a particular way. Especially when it is an argument.
     
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  11. Stevesdrumming

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    Not understood,even by most so called medical proffessionals.
    But there not me,and i,m not them. treated as a curiosity...?
    I,ve "done my time in hell" I dont explain unless?

    My sitehttp://tohellandback.webs.com/index.htm
     
  12. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    While it may be nice and dandy to not explain things, how is someone supposed to know what you want, what you're doing and so forth if you don't tell them? I think you guys have this annoying habit of assuming that people automatically know things about you, which isn't so. You've got to teach people who you are and how they should treat you.
     
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  13. Eniko

    Eniko May snark if provoked
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    Even when I explain they don't understand anyway, so what's the point? Either they understand, in which case I don't need to explain much, or they don't understand and no amount of explanation usually makes them understand.
     
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  14. slant

    slant Sedated slanty

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    Yeah, you're right, most INFJs make no sense so it's pretty pointless to listen to their explanations.
     
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  15. Naxx

    Naxx Permanent Fixture

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    How can someone know exactly what you feel? We are neither mentally linked up through cable or sending information wirelessly through out brains.

    However we can talk about what we feel and explain ourselves the best we could.

    So how much someone understands you has a direct connection to how well you can communicate your ideas. How well you communicate depends on how well you can present your ideas and feelings to a understandable fashion to that person. Since people are different you might have to use multiple styles of communication in order to be better understood.


    However whether or not they treat you in the way you want is another story.

    And perhaps the attitude in which you assume the person must be completely taught already breeds a sense of restriction; that may compromise how you want someone to treat you.

    Basically if your teaching wields no results what are you to do? You can either give up or move on to another method.
     
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  16. Duty

    Duty Permanent Fixture

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    Agreed with this sentiment. Isn't that what MBTI is all about? Isn't knowing your type and the types of others primarily for the purpose of how to appeal to their level of communication? You can't expect people to be psychic, it's your job to explain who you are.
     
    #16 Duty, May 20, 2009
    Last edited: May 20, 2009
  17. Azure_Knight

    Azure_Knight Community Member

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    If they ask and seem sincere, I will tell them. If they can't understand, I will do my best to help them.

    I find it easier to do that than to expect others to just know who we are and why we do the things we do. I certainly don't understand the things others do, and would appreciate the same courtesy given to me if I were asked.
     
  18. OP
    Blind Bandit

    Blind Bandit Blind Man Being Lead to Nowhere
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    Thats where I'm at. People either dismiss me , look down on me for something or simply refuse to learn about it.

    So I'm asked the same questions by the same people.

    Maybe if I was taken seriously and felt like they where making an effort. Then I wouldn't mind explaining so much.
     
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  19. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    there are different purposes in explaining yourself. sometimes it is to answer someone's question or to correct them when they are wrong and other times they want to know you better, which calls for more in depth consideration. usually it will also depend on the context: the person asking you, your relationship with them, or time/situational frame.

    i almost always try my best to answer a question in relation to myself as i think it is important to give others an idea of where i stand as an honest justification of why i do what i do. i do try to make it as concise as possible when it is not a probing question and i often feel the need to correct them if they judge me in a manner different from what i intend. when someone is not merely just asking a question, but asking it as a means of getting to know me better, i do expound and often reflect the topic back onto them to engage in their understanding.

    unfortunately, most aren't genuinely interested. by this i mean, asking in the form of a inferring statement to point out my idiosyncracies. in the end, it does matter to me if i took the effort to make myself heard, but whether or not i have been understood is something i don't have too much control over and thus won't worry too much about.

    people who are genuinely interested will try until they do understand, at least to the best of their ability, just as i will try my best to explain myself to them when necessary.
     
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    #19 rainrise, May 20, 2009
    Last edited: May 20, 2009
  20. Duty

    Duty Permanent Fixture

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    I understand this. I grew up with 2 parents who were very very ISTJ...and grandparents who were ISFJ and ESTJ. I was never understood.

    For 23 years I struggled to learn this fact, and just recently have come to realize its powerful truth: you have to surround yourself with the right people. People that will give you positive affirmation are vital to your psychological well being.

    My problem for too long was that I was looking for a way to change everyone so the world was positively affirming. I looked for reasons that people made the errors in judgments they do, I tried to fit people into a mold and encourage them to adopt my way of doing it. Unfortunately it didn't work. :p It's just healthier for our psychological well being to just surround ourselves with the people that are going to be healthy on us...that actually will make an effort to understand us.

    Can you perhaps add some formatting to this? It's very difficult to read.
     
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