- Sep 28, 2008
- 41,255
- 246,841
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- INFJ
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- 954 so/sx
Ex not blocking my number
- Thread starter Skrimpshidy
- Start date
D
Deleted member 16771
My experience is that when people ghost it's because they want to avoid conflict. Most people aren't comfortable being honest and direct so they like to ignore things instead, in their head thinking " they'll figure it out". I've had this happen to me a few times and it's frustrating because I'm a direct person and I try to give them every possible out so they can give me resolution AND not feel like an asshole about that. But usually it doesn't work. People will still feel shitty theyd just rather not have to own up to it.
It's a maturity thing, really. But my problem was I wanted resolution and I have to remind myself that people like that are never going to be able to give you resolution because their coping mechanism is to run away. So either you torment yourself trying to get them to make you your mind or you let go.
I've tried to reflect on it but I'm not sure why it bothers me so much when I can't have resolution to something- because technically them not responding is an answer in themselves - I think in some way I'm Angry and want them to take responsibility since I'm willing too. Kinda of about wanting them to reciprocate- I'm being vulnerable and honest, why can't you? But you can't expect other people to fulfill your emotional needs. Then when you can't, what do you do with those emotions?
Feel them.
Acknowledge them.
Wonder why you're experiencing them.
And don't judge yourself for it.
Practice some self compassion here and think about how it is really sad that you love someone who is unable to even respond to your messages.
Now think,
How did I get into this situation?
Again don't judge yourself. Legitimately ask yourself that question and think about it honestly.
The reason I wasnt able to let go was because I believed that if I was patient enough he would fall in love with me. Which honestly isn't healthy thinking. Either someone loves you or they don't. Feelings take time to develop but at the same time, you somehow have to figure out where to draw the line and what is unproductive.
And honestly? Nobody in this forum can tell you what that line is. Psychology has its recommendations and society sets it's standards, but you begin to realize there are exceptions to rules.
For me I experienced so much emotional pain with no return at all that I had to ask myself:
Am I living for me or for other people?
Because if you're living for you, and you love someone in a way that makes you really unhappy, the person that benefits from that is the other person not you. You suffer for it. Do you want your entire life to be a favor to somebody who may never love you back?
It's a choice you can make.
I know a lot of people who are into that, who pine after people fruitlessly, hoping. That's their choice though and if it makes them happy that's fine. It's just that I find most of the time it causes self hatred.
It's a maturity thing, really. But my problem was I wanted resolution and I have to remind myself that people like that are never going to be able to give you resolution because their coping mechanism is to run away. So either you torment yourself trying to get them to make you your mind or you let go.
I've tried to reflect on it but I'm not sure why it bothers me so much when I can't have resolution to something- because technically them not responding is an answer in themselves - I think in some way I'm Angry and want them to take responsibility since I'm willing too. Kinda of about wanting them to reciprocate- I'm being vulnerable and honest, why can't you? But you can't expect other people to fulfill your emotional needs. Then when you can't, what do you do with those emotions?
Feel them.
Acknowledge them.
Wonder why you're experiencing them.
And don't judge yourself for it.
Practice some self compassion here and think about how it is really sad that you love someone who is unable to even respond to your messages.
Now think,
How did I get into this situation?
Again don't judge yourself. Legitimately ask yourself that question and think about it honestly.
The reason I wasnt able to let go was because I believed that if I was patient enough he would fall in love with me. Which honestly isn't healthy thinking. Either someone loves you or they don't. Feelings take time to develop but at the same time, you somehow have to figure out where to draw the line and what is unproductive.
And honestly? Nobody in this forum can tell you what that line is. Psychology has its recommendations and society sets it's standards, but you begin to realize there are exceptions to rules.
For me I experienced so much emotional pain with no return at all that I had to ask myself:
Am I living for me or for other people?
Because if you're living for you, and you love someone in a way that makes you really unhappy, the person that benefits from that is the other person not you. You suffer for it. Do you want your entire life to be a favor to somebody who may never love you back?
It's a choice you can make.
I know a lot of people who are into that, who pine after people fruitlessly, hoping. That's their choice though and if it makes them happy that's fine. It's just that I find most of the time it causes self hatred.
People ghost because dealing with separation is a task they found they can cut out without consequence. They are probably on to the next person who is providing them fresh new emotions, so speaking to the previous person is not only a waste of time, it also feels like going back to this old boring thing. Is it immoral? I've spent too much time wondering how someone could be this way, but when you are ignored, and he/she can't hear/see you cry about it, he/she doesn't have to think about it.
It doesn't matter if people are shitty. What matters is that people are going to be shitty, and you have to adapt.
From what I've seen on the internet, your post is no more believable than his.
Take this to the police instead.
This is strange.
I have so many questions.
Right?!?!?!?!??????? Das wut I be sayin.
It's like some neighbors you've never talked to from down the street just up and decided to have a fight in your front lawn.
I wish you both the best.
May you find happiness and healthy functionality.
I wish you both the best.
May you find happiness and healthy functionality.
D
Deleted member 16771
We have the best lawn
On the contrary, all the psychopaths I've met online have been rather enjoyable.♡♡♡
I guess sometimes the grass is greener?
I wasn't talking about that kinda of lawn...
Because it's Monday.
Tomorrow is another story.
Tomorrow is another shade.
No need to worry, My dear Ruji.
All will be ok. ♡♡♡
Freaky Chameleon
Community Member
He's just projecting because he can't turn pinkHrmph. Speak for yourself silly Chameleon!
