[INFJ] - ENTP guy absolutely crazy about INFJ girl and need your help! Grateful for insights | INFJ Forum

[INFJ] ENTP guy absolutely crazy about INFJ girl and need your help! Grateful for insights

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by crazyabouther, Jan 6, 2015.

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  1. crazyabouther

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    Hello everyone,

    I have created this account and profile just to understand this INFJ lady. I'm and ENTP guy and I have been crazy about her for a few months, and have been doing everything in my power to make things happen. After reading many posts on the internet, I realize how glacial things can go with her. I am okay with that, but lately I have been going a little mad trying to figure out whether or not she is interested. So would love to hear what anyone can suggest about my predicament. I apologize if this is a little long.

    Here are the facts:
    1. We had taken MBTIs and are confirmed ENTP and INFJ.
    2. She knows I like her-- I told her over a month ago, and she did not reject me. I know the INFJ type looks long-term, and she said the same-- that there is no point in having a short term affair. She does not see the value in people just getting together for the fun of it, and hooking up. I have no such intentions with her anyway.
    3. I reassured her that I was looking for something serious as well, and that she can take all the time she wants. I left it at that, because I did not want to pressure her into something.
    4. Since then, we have hung out several times alone. I've put my arms around her a couple of times and held hands. I did not try to kiss her, as I did not want to scare her or put pressure on her.
    5. She never initiates a single thing. Every single time, I have to message or make plans to do something. She usually accepts.
    6. I'm very sick and tired of having to text her all the time. She is terrible at texts, hardly holds conversation and is fine without any contact at all for a week or more. I go crazy during these phases and give in to my urge to text her or call.
    7. Recently I had a serious family emergency, and was in quite a traumatic state. After my family and friends, she was the first person I called. She was not particularly reassuring, and hardly checked in on me later. That sucked.
    8. Even after my emergency, she did not particularly get in touch and thought it best to leave me alone.
    9. She has never said a single thing that can be interpreted as romantic.
    10. She has mentioned how she how secure or comfortable she feels around me.
    11. She never initiates a single thing, and I hate it. I am not sure to what extent, it is my ego but I cannot constantly chase her forever. Always initiating sucks, ESPECIALLY when there is hardly any reciprocity.
    12. I've thought several times to call her out on it, but have held back lest I screw things up.

    PS:
    Before I told her I liked her, I was seeing someone else for 2 months and she is aware of this. I ended things with that girl as I liked the INFJ and did not want to be a two timing asshole. She is aware things are over, but I think it may have had an effect on this?

    Questions:
    What do I do?
    I am so sad, and so crazy about her. Being hopelessly in love all the time, I can already picture our lives together. I hate that, but it is me.
    She knows I really like her, and I have gone out of my way several times to do nice things for her. Don't think she has reciprocate that at all.
    Does she like me at all?
    Should I just move on with my life?
    Should I ask her straight up where she sees things after a couple of months? Maybe before Valentine's day.

    Thanks a lot guys! As an ENTP I need answers and solutions, and so I feel that if she just tells me she is not interested, I can start putting the pieces of my heart back together...
     
  2. ShaSha

    ShaSha Two

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    I'm curious. Why are you so crazy over her? (INFJ Skeptism)

    What do you like about her? And do you know her previous relationship history?
     
  3. ShaSha

    ShaSha Two

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    I'm curious. Why are you so crazy over her? (INFJ Skeptism)

    What do you like about her? And do you know her previous relationship history?
     
  4. cvp12gh5

    cvp12gh5 What a lovely way to burn...

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    [MENTION=12897]crazyabouther[/MENTION]

    I don't think there is anything to 'call her out' on, unless you are in a relationship. But it doesn't sound like you are 'together'. If you want to know if she's interested or not then try asking her. If you don't feel comfortable being blunt or if you don't want to ask because you are afraid of her answer, then you should probably move on with your life.
     
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  5. Erlian

    Erlian Community Member

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    I think calling her out on it is a great idea. But rather do it more subtle. "Asking" sounds better, like Anywhere But Here suggested.
    Tell her you're worried that she doesn't like you because she never initiates anything.
    That's the core basically. You can make it more subtle or sugarcoated by saying things that you understand that she doesn't like initiating and that that inherently isn't a problem. It's just that you feel like you might better move on, because she's not interested. Do repeat that you really like being with her.

    If you tell her this in some form, she might confess some interest in you and admit that she's bad at initiating. If she doesn't reply in any way, I'd move on. If she can't show any love, it's not good being with her.

    Edit: Go with the advice of those below
     
    #5 Erlian, Jan 6, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2015
  6. JungAtHeart

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    She doesn't like you man. I'm sorry, it's not too difficult to see though. You're a friend and she doesn't want to hurt your feels.

    Leave her alone, don't act so desperate, she may hit you up. If an INFJ likes you you'll know.
     
  7. the

    the Si master race.
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    Try the opposite of what you are doing now, because what you are doing now is not working
     
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  8. sassafras

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    No one is obligated to like you the same way you like them, and while it's nice that you have done all these things for her, she is not required to reciprocate if she does not want to. In fact, as hurtful as it is, this at least makes things plenty clear. Actions speak volumes louder than words, and sadly, hers communicate that she is not interested in getting closer to you.
     
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  9. flower

    flower

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    I'm sorry but from what you have written, it seems she isn't interested in you as much you are interested in her. :/
     
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  10. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    If you have read about infjs, then you know by her behavior that she sees you as a friend.
     
  11. OP
    crazyabouther

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    Hi Shasha

    Thanks-- I like her cuz she is a nice person. She is very beautiful, and we have lots in common. We spent many whole days together (alone) and she tells me how she always has a great time. I have fun too, and it's nice...
     
  12. OP
    crazyabouther

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    Thanks for the inputs guys. I agree with what you are saying. Maybe it's just best to be quiet/ move on. But wanted to share these other details to see if there may be any other thoughts?

    1. We spent many entire evenings and days together alone. It's always fun, and goes on till really late at night. And these have happened after I told her I like her too. While fun, the most that has happened is hand holding/ cuddles.
    2. I've asked her couple of times if I should stop bothering her (when I felt I was chasing her too much), and she said not to.
    3. Knowing some of her other friends from work, I know she dislikes texting immensely. Maybe that's why she doesn't text?-- she had also told me stories of how she despises messaging too.
    4. Has told me she likes spending time with me.
    5. Her past relationships have only been long-term; and the three she had lasted several years! So she's not a casual dater, and that's fine with me.
    6. Had agreed to go on an overseas trip with me during our Easter break, and we bought tickets already.

    Does this all this mean anything at all?
     
  13. sassafras

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    Yes, it means she's (consciously or unconsciously) using you to get a free ego boost whenever she is in need of one. People like to feel like they're wanted, always, but it's not fair to you to give your all while she only sees you when she needs you (ie. She won't go out of her way to be there for you or seek you out).

    Or she just sees you as a friend. Either scenario is likely, although generally, friends make more effort to be there for one another when you're going through a tough time. You can talk to her about that.
     
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    #13 sassafras, Jan 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2015
  14. littlemissmaya

    littlemissmaya Regular Poster

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    my relationship with my istj man developed from months of friendship and attention when we got to know each other and establish how much we clicked and what (little) we had in common, what we looked for in life and just hanging around so much. we got together at the tail end of an easter holiday where we took a 10-hour train ride home due to a car accident. since then i have never looked back and i know that i can spend the rest of eternity with this man.

    you are in luck - if she did not like your company then you would have been disconnected by now. your journey depends on how patient you are, and whether or not she is willing to commit herself to you - that may just take some time for her to realize. give her space, and time to be more confident with you as well, as she sounds quite passive, especially from your original post. how good is she as a communicator? she is probably also making sure you will not get back with your previous partner and could be feeling a bit insecure about that and guilty about being the cause of its ending. i recommend not to go overboard on valentine's day. good luck!
     
  15. OP
    crazyabouther

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    Hey thanks littlemissmaya,

    You are right-- she is completely passive. Right now I am just wondering if I should stop taking all the initiative, or continue to do so. I am not doing very well because of the lack of reciprocity, so it would be quite difficult but possible. Or do you think I should just ignore her, not say anything and continue to be friendly/ civil when I see her around? A big part of me wants to just have a conversation with her and just ask straight up "Do you see me as anything more than a friend?", and if she says no, then I can move on. But I also feel that would put her on the spot to give an answer and pressuring her.

    What do you say?
     
  16. OP
    crazyabouther

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    littlemissmaya,

    Yeah I know she feels quite bad about being responsible for ending the previous relationship. Reassured her that she was not to blame, but know she still feels that way. I gave her other reasons for why that broke up, because I didn't want to complicate things for her.

    Also no idea how much time to give this. It's been about a couple of months of hanging out too, and I will be patient as I think she is worth it. But no clue how long for... :(
     
  17. Paideia

    Paideia Newbie

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    How old are you and old is she, and which part of the world?
     
  18. Awesome

    Awesome Community Member

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    She's not interested. If she is a long term partner, she probably puts a lot of weight on her sex life, too. If you had sex sooner, she'd most likely see it as a step into a relationship. Since you haven't had sex, you'll either have to work a lot for it, or just move on. As she is not giving you the validation you want, I'd say you let it go and find someone who compliments you better.
     
  19. Paideia

    Paideia Newbie

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    How much of a difference would it make to the posters here if they'd been making out when they'd been seeing each other and she did in fact say romantic things and dropped other indicators of serious interest during their time together, but the rest was true?

    Has he simply failed to sexualise things?
     
  20. cvp12gh5

    cvp12gh5 What a lovely way to burn...

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    Refer back to the OP, go to the "facts", then jump to #4. No action going on there. Not to mention, if she was saying romantic things, he would have been eager to point it out because info like that would work in his favor.

    I think he gave us an honest description of what's going so that he could get honest feedback.
     
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