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Mary Shelley

Mary Shelley

Fearless & Powerful
Aug 1, 2013
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In Socionics, there is a concept of contrary relations also known as extinguishment relations.

The idea is that someone with the same function order with opposing polarity in each function is a type we are less naturally suited to get along well with. On a case by case basis, this can be overcome but what has been your experience with this?

For INFJ (IEI/INFp), the extinguisher is ENFP (IEE/ENFp).

INFJ functions: Ni Fe Ti Se
ENFP functions: Ne Fi Te Si

Edit, above is corrected from earlier. Contrary is also known as extinguisher but this is separate from conflictor.

For INFJ (IEI/INFp), the conflictor is ESTJ (LSE/ESTj)/

INFJ functions: Ni Fe Ti Se
ESTJ functions: Te Si Ne Fi
 
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I can't say much about Socionics, but...

Jungian theory indicates the reverse: sharing identical line-ups in opposite directions can create powerful synergy and mutual growth. Such types are called mirrors, which I imagine you already know. I've had the pleasure of knowing two ENFPs - sisters, in fact - and we all got along very well. We were capable of bringing out the very best and the very worst in each other. In my experience, understanding them from a typological perspective is much like looking at your innermost dimensions made plain; so, paradoxically, you had to know yourself very well, or conflicts would ensue. I believe they felt the same way.

My Ni and Ti centered and stabilized them when their Ne took them off into reckless and, at times, harmful alleyways of life, and their Ne and Fi helped expand the range of my meta-perspective and kept my Fe from becoming obsessive and controllingly didactic. Our combined youth made for a few intense bouts of emotional fireworks, but, over time, we learned to simply communicate differently and things calmed down. Although we now live on opposite sides of the globe, they remain two of my favorite people in the world =)

This link here, and these two, here and here, gives a good overview (in my experience) of the social dynamics of ENFPs and INFJs, apart and together.
 
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I have no idea how it relates to socionics. I have very little understanding of the underlying structure of the theory, but I do understand that introverts are kind of funny in socionics on account of how socionics classifies judgers and perceivers. INFPs are socionics INFjs and INFJs are socionic INFps, so to be honest, I'm not sure if that theory of contrary relations is exactly transferable to MBTI.

In MBTI, ENFPs and INFJs are actually projected to get along splendidly because they are essentially the right and left brain of the same person. They're mirrors. They may use opposite paths and express themselves differently, but they frequently share the same goals and arrive at the same conclusions. In fact, it's not uncommon for ENFPs and INFJs to mistype as each other... especially when one is first trying to figure out Ne+Fi versus Ni+Fe.

I would dare say that you'd have more trouble getting along with extroverted/introverted versions of your own type because function order is shuffled. Dominant perceiving function versus a dominant judging function is usually a guarantee of type conflict. One is still in the process of thinking aloud and figuring stuff out while the other is in a hurry to cram things into their world. What's worse, is that they also subconsciously pick up on the flaws of their shared judging functions and suddenly, you're invited to the projection parade!
 
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Talking about this anecdotally...
My father is an ESTJ. My mother is an ENFP.
We...uh, don't get along.
 
My son is an ENFP and apart from the requisite conflicts when he was a teenager we get along quite well. We can have some really interesting discussions. I would say that his two biggest weaknesses are his lack of motivation and he can be very opinionated at times. On the positive side he gets along with just about everybody and he has been very good at picking friends and girlfriends. He always seems to be surrounded with good people, which from a mom's perspective is a really good thing.
 
One of my close friends is an ENFP. When we were living apart, we would meet each other perhaps 5 tiems a year at most. I was very tolerant of him. He was tolerant too to me. He looked up to me when it comes to academic things, and I look up to him when it comes to keeping things in control.

But now, we are studying and living together. Now a tidal wave of conflicts come. Tolerance was no longer a word we understood. He was tryng to change me into an image of him and I was doing the same. This gave birth to conflicts. A lot of them. Until the point that we almost had a real fist fight with each other.

Living together with him: The first 2 months was heavenly. We respected each others space. And we were so close like 2 peas in a pod.

After those two months, when the exam season was kicking in, there would be a bloodbath of words. I cannot accept his lack of competence when it comes to work, and he cannot accept my lack of joy and laughter when it comes to work.

After 6 months, the closeness we had just faded. I was sad, but he was not for he had other friends he could crawl to. This devastated me, for I actually admired him and was hoping that our intimacy would last for many years..
 
I already posted on the INFJ typography thread that I don't believe in such a thing as introverted and extroverted functions.
The reason being, I frequently test as both ENFP and INFJ.
The function stack is the same. ENFP is also very often regarded as the introverted extrovert.
I see it this way, my Ni is to do with my inner life, spiritual insights etc.
My Ne is used when I express myself, though art, surreal jokes, conversation etc.
I also think people put too much importance on P / J divisions, I know a lot of NFJ types are likely to be messy and appear disorganised because their inner life is more important than their surroundings.
I like flexibility, but I dont like being dropped in for things when I don't know what's coming next.
I also feel completely obliged to follow through on things I give my word to, I am fiercely loyal and hate myself if I have to let someone down.
I think either you're extroverted and energized by company, or introverted and live in your own head, trying to split functions down to introverted/ extroverted forms is simply too much.
Hence, very shy introverted me can flip into E mode at the flick of a switch, depending on the situation.
 
It sounds like you're an Introvert. I can't speak for Extroverts, as I am not one and don't know exactly how that would be, but to an extent I am pretty Extrovert around people I am comfortable with and quite a bit more outspoken and loud. Though in a crowd or a group or a party I stay closer to the corner, or the walls, and watch people and try not to draw attention to myself because I enjoy watching them interact with each other and its really just funny to watch people try to communicate.
I will say every Extrovert I have ever met was very in my face and bubbly and somewhat loud, louder than I usually enjoy. That being said they also tend to calm down after we start talking and I appreciate that dynamic as well. Though they genuinely seem to need that human companionship or they get depressed about life.
You sir, sound like an Introvert.
 
Oh …. should I speak about my un-concentrated and sex craving ENFP friend?
 
As always it depends on the maturity of the individual, and the kind of relationship one has with them. My father is an ENFP and he can be very emotionally volatile, and is constantly obsessed with novel new endeavors, he is also a huge flirt with other people. He can have wonderful insights and be a very interesting person sometimes, we always have really great conversations when he wants to. I've gone a period of two years without talking to him, but I've also called him everyday when I was a kid.

I have two ENFP friends, and I can't say it's been all roses. Flakiness can be an issue, although I also take part in that. But again, when I'm having a connection with them, it is great and inspiring, and I feel like they understand me so well. When we aren't connected I think we might not see each other in a very flattering manner.
 
Yep, ESTJs are highly practical, they don't like ambiguities, that's why they don't get along with types who are 'floating in the clouds'.
They are do-ers. Interesting, ETSPs are do-ers too, but they don't have the same reaction toward INFJs. In fact, its not rarely to see INFJ coupled with ESTPs, even in romantic relationships, and they usualy complement each other greatly!

As for the ENFPs, I don't see them as 'extinguishier'. I have one best friend who is ENFP, and with ENFPs girls I have a natural and efforthelss chemistry when in romantic matters, otherwise I get along great with them.
 
jupiterswoon said:
As always it depends on the maturity of the individual, and the kind of relationship one has with them. My father is an ENFP and he can be very emotionally volatile, and is constantly obsessed with novel new endeavors, he is also a huge flirt with other people. He can have wonderful insights and be a very interesting person sometimes, we always have really great conversations when he wants to. I've gone a period of two years without talking to him, but I've also called him everyday when I was a kid.

I have two ENFP friends, and I can't say it's been all roses. Flakiness can be an issue, although I also take part in that. But again, when I'm having a connection with them, it is great and inspiring, and I feel like they understand me so well. When we aren't connected I think we might not see each other in a very flattering manner.
Click to expand...

Over the top boldening, italicing and underlining is one of my biggest problems with ENFPs. They can be self absorbed attention whores who you can get on with and have a nice time with WHEN THEY ARE IN THE MOOD for your interaction to go that way. I find a lot of them (particualrly immature ones) very fake.
 
I think Albert Einstein was a stereotypical ENFP. In his pictures, he has the ENFP scatered and feely, enthusiastic eyes. Also the infectious ENFP laugh.
He himself considered to be a intuitive mathematician and physicist. He was not able of high analitycal skills, like its usually expected from a mathematician, but rather he was more of a 'cheater', gainig information in unusual ways :)
 
According to this, ENFP and ENTP are considered the most "natural partners" for INFJs.
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_rel.html

I'm married to an ENFP and I agree 100% with this assessment.

E-I: An ENFP wants a listener, the INFJ fulfills that need. For the INFJ, the ENFP serves both as a shield and a doorway to the world.
NF-NF: Shared language and insight, intimate understanding and mutual compassion here. Very important.
P-J: Complimentary. The ENFPs is open and flexible enough to adopt to INFJs rigidness. The INFJ can help ENFP with structure.

To be honest, My husband and I don't have the "hot disputes" that seem typical to mirror relations. ENFPs hate conflict and will go to great lengths to avoid it. They are also sensitive, so if they feel something is extremely important to you, they will back down. As an INFJ, I would even go as far as to say that ENFPs are the hardest type to get rid of because the two deal so well with each other when there is contention.
 
ENFPs are quite confusing for me :|<br><br>Some of them are conflict-ready. Some of them are so conflict avoidant.<br>Some of them headed to conflict out in the open. Some of them played in shadows (and they're not that good sometimes)<br>Some of them are so in touch about themselves, they can appear selfish. Some of them are so losing touch about themselves, they appeared... scattered, distracted; 'fragmented', if not unreal.<br>
 
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