Empathy
- Thread starter dneecey
- Start date
Yea, what Restraint said, I think I have a pretty heavy guard up. But my moods differ too. Some days I say "Oh get over it!" and some days I feel everything.
Usually it is neither, I just see a logical explanation for their situation or I know that I don't have all the facts so I don't think too much about it.
Of course, it depends on the scope too.
If someone broke up in a short-term relationship I really don't care too much, if someone was just in a life threatening accident or lost someone through death or divorce, that is a different story.
But yea, some people understand how to tug those strings.
Usually it is neither, I just see a logical explanation for their situation or I know that I don't have all the facts so I don't think too much about it.
Of course, it depends on the scope too.
If someone broke up in a short-term relationship I really don't care too much, if someone was just in a life threatening accident or lost someone through death or divorce, that is a different story.
But yea, some people understand how to tug those strings.
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am i empathic? yes, to some extent, but not like natural NF's or SF's. my mother is one, and she deeply cares and literally can't stay around people when she feels bad for them. i'm more "that's just the way it is" and get on with it.. which is kind of harsh when you think about it.
Are you an empathetic person > yep
, and if so, how deep does your empathy run? > depends, but sometimes very, like, i could do something that seemed impossible, or sacrifice, or suffer a lot, or remain devoted through thick and thin
Have you ever become so involved with another that your emotions and theirs may have become blurry? > yep
^^Has this ever happened to you with a stranger or someone you weren't close to? > yep
Is this one of the reasons why you don't like to be around a lot of people for an extended period of time? > yep, sometimes
Can you explain the difference between your feelings and theirs? > some are misanthropic which is hurting me, even when they are hurting someone else or just insulting humanity in general, not me;; the other problem is that i can sense people's pain or when they are faking stuff, which is just hurting them, and that is very hard for me to participate in sometimes
, and if so, how deep does your empathy run? > depends, but sometimes very, like, i could do something that seemed impossible, or sacrifice, or suffer a lot, or remain devoted through thick and thin
Have you ever become so involved with another that your emotions and theirs may have become blurry? > yep
^^Has this ever happened to you with a stranger or someone you weren't close to? > yep
Is this one of the reasons why you don't like to be around a lot of people for an extended period of time? > yep, sometimes
Can you explain the difference between your feelings and theirs? > some are misanthropic which is hurting me, even when they are hurting someone else or just insulting humanity in general, not me;; the other problem is that i can sense people's pain or when they are faking stuff, which is just hurting them, and that is very hard for me to participate in sometimes
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I have two recollections where my empathic experience was visceral and overwhelming. Both were at funerals.
The first was at my biological grandfather's funeral. We were not close and I knew little of the man, but he was dear to his wife and children. I remember walking into the funeral hallway and I could hear my father, brother, and aunts quietly sobbing (we're a large family) and murmuring amongst themselves. I was so overwhelmed by their grief that I began to experience the symptoms of a panic attack. My chest tightened, it became hard to breathe, and I quickly exited the building so that I could regain my composure before reentering. It felt like my entire being had been enveloped by sorrow. I had to walk it off.
The second was at a friend's nephew's funeral. He was just 1 1/2 years old. I was hanging tough for my friend up at the front. It was so sad to see the tiny casket and the baby's little sailor outfit... the mother looked catatonic. But I nearly lost my shit when the father flung himself on the casket (reeking of liquor) begging forgiveness and reading a letter of apology to his infant son. It seems the father had come home in a drunken stupor, got into the bed with his wife and child... and inadvertently smothered the baby during sleep. I had to get up, move to the back of the room, and not look at him. I remember trying to talk loud enough to others at the wake so I didn't have to hear his sobs. It was Just. Too. Much. I started to feel intense nausea. ...To hear that kind of self-revilement mixed with sorrow was... It was an INFJ pressure-cooker if I've ever experienced one.
(I believe he went to prison on a manslaughter charge which seemed pointless; I've little doubt prison will do nothing to that man that he won't do to himself a thousand times over.)
The first was at my biological grandfather's funeral. We were not close and I knew little of the man, but he was dear to his wife and children. I remember walking into the funeral hallway and I could hear my father, brother, and aunts quietly sobbing (we're a large family) and murmuring amongst themselves. I was so overwhelmed by their grief that I began to experience the symptoms of a panic attack. My chest tightened, it became hard to breathe, and I quickly exited the building so that I could regain my composure before reentering. It felt like my entire being had been enveloped by sorrow. I had to walk it off.
The second was at a friend's nephew's funeral. He was just 1 1/2 years old. I was hanging tough for my friend up at the front. It was so sad to see the tiny casket and the baby's little sailor outfit... the mother looked catatonic. But I nearly lost my shit when the father flung himself on the casket (reeking of liquor) begging forgiveness and reading a letter of apology to his infant son. It seems the father had come home in a drunken stupor, got into the bed with his wife and child... and inadvertently smothered the baby during sleep. I had to get up, move to the back of the room, and not look at him. I remember trying to talk loud enough to others at the wake so I didn't have to hear his sobs. It was Just. Too. Much. I started to feel intense nausea. ...To hear that kind of self-revilement mixed with sorrow was... It was an INFJ pressure-cooker if I've ever experienced one.
(I believe he went to prison on a manslaughter charge which seemed pointless; I've little doubt prison will do nothing to that man that he won't do to himself a thousand times over.)
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Down the street from the Catholic girl's high school I went to was a creche run by the nuns. They housed the babies of the unwed girls. I went over there and volunteered to rock babies.
On my first day they told me just to pick out a baby and sit in a rocker. I was immediately drawn to a certain crib and I pointed at it.
The nun came over with the little bundle and put it in my arms. "This is Richard," she said and then went away.
As I held him my heart nearly exploded with love. I felt like I had joined with him and it was very sureal. My inner voice was pouring out love and receiving love, communicating intensely. I was overwhelmed and wept with tears of joy.
The nun came over later on and asked me why I was crying and I smiled up at her and said I was happy.
I went home and told my family about Richard and what had happened. I knew they didn't get the depth of it but I didn't care. It was a moment, a moment I haven't forgotten all these years later.
The next day after school I ran to the Creche and asked if I could hold Richard and the nun put her arm around my shoulder and turned me to his crib. A man was lifting Richard out of his crib and put him into a little box. It looked like a crate.
My heart exploded and shattered.
I grieved for that baby for a long time. It was an experience of extreme empathy and a true blessing.
On my first day they told me just to pick out a baby and sit in a rocker. I was immediately drawn to a certain crib and I pointed at it.
The nun came over with the little bundle and put it in my arms. "This is Richard," she said and then went away.
As I held him my heart nearly exploded with love. I felt like I had joined with him and it was very sureal. My inner voice was pouring out love and receiving love, communicating intensely. I was overwhelmed and wept with tears of joy.
The nun came over later on and asked me why I was crying and I smiled up at her and said I was happy.
I went home and told my family about Richard and what had happened. I knew they didn't get the depth of it but I didn't care. It was a moment, a moment I haven't forgotten all these years later.
The next day after school I ran to the Creche and asked if I could hold Richard and the nun put her arm around my shoulder and turned me to his crib. A man was lifting Richard out of his crib and put him into a little box. It looked like a crate.
My heart exploded and shattered.
I grieved for that baby for a long time. It was an experience of extreme empathy and a true blessing.
Wow sumone...
that is an incredible story you just told. Thanks so much for sharing that. I think this is probably one thing that INFJs have that is absolutely incredible---the ability to empathize to a deep, deep degree.
Empathy---I've always knew I had a great deal of this. It's something that can be a blessing but also a curse. However, I think I've learned to look at my empathy in a positive light. There are far too many people who lack love, who don't know how to love...and so I believe that my ability to empathize is like a stretchy little net that can let other people fall. I know though, that there is a limit. Once you go over that limit, it is unhealthy.
My question though, is how are you able to maintain your empathy in a relationship?? If you inevitably must get close to that person intimately and such, how can you pull yourself out of there and draw the line? Where IS the line?
that is an incredible story you just told. Thanks so much for sharing that. I think this is probably one thing that INFJs have that is absolutely incredible---the ability to empathize to a deep, deep degree.
Empathy---I've always knew I had a great deal of this. It's something that can be a blessing but also a curse. However, I think I've learned to look at my empathy in a positive light. There are far too many people who lack love, who don't know how to love...and so I believe that my ability to empathize is like a stretchy little net that can let other people fall. I know though, that there is a limit. Once you go over that limit, it is unhealthy.
My question though, is how are you able to maintain your empathy in a relationship?? If you inevitably must get close to that person intimately and such, how can you pull yourself out of there and draw the line? Where IS the line?