Emotional needs of female INTJs in marriages/ relationships

[Artemisia]

This question is directed primarily towards female INFJs in marriages or long-term relationships. How do you get your emotional needs met? Do you get them primarily from your partner or from your friends (particularly female) and/or family mebers?

 

[Cornerstone]

Thinkers have feelings?



Come on, you were all feeling it...

 

[Artemisia]

Ooops, the title should read INFJ, not INTJs.

 

[Nixie]

One little letter and it screwed everything up.

 

[ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc]

I was interested in this thread until I realized it's not about INTJs

 

[Kgal]

This question is directed primarily towards female INFJs in marriages or long-term relationships. How do you get your emotional needs met? Do you get them primarily from your partner or from your friends (particularly female) and/or family mebers?

Not from an INTJ....that's for sure. :lol:

I get them from friends, family members, pets, etc. Pretty much anywhere I can engage with another sentient being. (I am the resident granola eating hippie :hippie

I also get my emotional needs met from my self through meditations. I was married for 20 years to an INTJ and I can tell you minimum emotional needs were met.

Why do you ask?

 

[say what]

I think INFJs are the worst for not seeking out a situation or individual that'll meet their emotional needs...

 

[muir]

I think INFJs are the worst for not seeking out a situation or individual that'll meet their emotional needs...

This is a major glitch then in the INFJ programme that needs to be re-written by the individual!

Find big huggers folks!

 

[Nixie]

I think INFJs are the worst for not seeking out a situation or individual that'll meet their emotional needs...

Funny I was thinking that INFJs are the worst about not being able to define their emotional needs because Thinking is a tertiary function....It seems like INFJs get lost in their Feeling function.

The ideas/wants/needs expressed are just vague...um...not that...nope....uh yea, that's just creepy....um..no....

 

[muir]

here's a defined thought for the INFJ's out there: find people who like to hug!

And don't waste your time with INFJ haters!

Find people who appreciate you and who know what warmth and affection are

 

[LucyJr]

The type that can give most emotional support I think are INFPs and INFJs.
INFJs guys that are confident in themselfs can steal the most beautiful women from their spouse, simply because women are very liable to receive emotional support and affection. Or this might be just a dirty charm...who knows?
This is a old story. The phenomen of "romance" has its development in adulterous behaviour in medieval period, where women would fall in "in love" romanticaly with their knights, simply because in the context of marital relationships the women didn't receive the emotional affection from her husband needed (from the woman's perspective).

I found something certainly interesting. I myself as a INFJ can give alot of affection, even in a simple look, and I can comfort people very easily from their emotional problems. But I myself never remember of having need for emotional affection, and neither in present I don't.
My theory was that the person who is affective by nature, does not himself need any emotional fulfillment from anyone. In fact I tend to resent it and don't feel comfortable when someone tries to comfort me in a emotional way.

So, is this a woman need, the need for emotional affection?

 

[muir]

The type that can give most emotional support I think are INFPs and INFJs.
INFJs guys that are confident in themselfs can steal the most beautiful women from their spouse, simply because women are very liable to receive emotional support and affection. Or this might be just a dirty charm...who knows?
This is a old story. The phenomen of "romance" has its development in adulterous behaviour in medieval period, where women would fall in "in love" romanticaly with their knights, simply because in the context of marital relationships the women didn't receive the emotional affection from her husband needed (from the woman's perspective).

I found something certainly interesting. I myself as a INFJ can give alot of affection, even in a simple look, and I can comfort people very easily from their emotional problems. But I myself never remember of having need for emotional affection, and neither in present I don't.
My theory was that the person who is affective by nature, does not himself need any emotional fulfillment from anyone. In fact I tend to resent it and don't feel comfortable when someone tries to comfort me in a emotional way.

So, is this a woman need, the need for emotional affection?

No i think some men enjoy warmth and affection too

Emotional affection can be a smile, it can be a kind word, it can be a hand run through the hair, a shared joke, an arm round the shoulders, a kiss on the cheek, a hug etc

It can take many forms and i think it's a healthy thing to give and receive

 

[say what]

This is a major glitch then in the INFJ programme that needs to be re-written by the individual!

Find big huggers folks!

Funny I was thinking that INFJs are the worst about not being able to define their emotional needs because Thinking is a tertiary function....It seems like INFJs get lost in their Feeling function.

The ideas/wants/needs expressed are just vague...um...not that...nope....uh yea, that's just creepy....um..no....

After thinking about it, I agree with Nixie! Maybe it's not a glitch, it's that we're bad at defining and telling someone what we need - and we expect them to read out mind. Tbh, I don't know what my emotional needs are 90% of the time...... I do like hugs tho!

 

[LucyJr]

No i think some men enjoy warmth and affection too

Emotional affection can be a smile, it can be a kind word, it can be a hand run through the hair, a shared joke, an arm round the shoulders, a kiss on the cheek, a hug etc

It can take many forms and i think it's a healthy thing to give and receive

Yeah, but i'm talking about deep emotional affection.
For example, I remember when I was a boy my grand-mother who is a ESTJ would hug me, I always felt a certain strong warmth in her hugs, althought generaly she being a ESTJ, was a very cold and practical person.
Its literary a physical heat and warmth, felt with the body, not just the psyche. With that kind of affection I feel it is too much and I don't feel comfortable with it, althought I myself use it toward other people.

 

[LucyJr]

Funny I was thinking that INFJs are the worst about not being able to define their emotional needs because Thinking is a tertiary function....It seems like INFJs get lost in their Feeling function.

The ideas/wants/needs expressed are just vague...um...not that...nope....uh yea, that's just creepy....um..no....

ENFJs have Fe-Ni-Se-Ti. Their thinking function is the last, and they don't have any problems identifying and voicing out their feelings.

 

[say what]

The type that can give most emotional support I think are INFPs and INFJs.
INFJs guys that are confident in themselfs can steal the most beautiful women from their spouse, simply because women are very liable to receive emotional support and affection. Or this might be just a dirty charm...who knows?
This is a old story. The phenomen of "romance" has its development in adulterous behaviour in medieval period, where women would fall in "in love" romanticaly with their knights, simply because in the context of marital relationships the women didn't receive the emotional affection from her husband needed (from the woman's perspective).

I found something certainly interesting. I myself as a INFJ can give alot of affection, even in a simple look, and I can comfort people very easily from their emotional problems. But I myself never remember of having need for emotional affection, and neither in present I don't.
My theory was that the person who is affective by nature, does not himself need any emotional fulfillment from anyone. In fact I tend to resent it and don't feel comfortable when someone tries to comfort me in a emotional way.

So, is this a woman need, the need for emotional affection?

Everyone needs emotional affection - perhaps you are receiving it and don't know it.

I never thought I needed emotional affection until I was in a relationship where I didn't get it....then it was noticeable. Even now, I get emotional affection from my family and friends, and rarely crave 'romantic' or 'partner' emotional affection. This is most certainly not a female issue either- men need it as well.

I would say that there is an extreme distinction and almost no relationship between giving emotional support/affection, and needing/asking for it.

I am always giving emotional support/affection - but I find it extremely difficult asking for it, or recognizing when I need it.

 

[muir]

Yeah, but i'm talking about deep emotional affection.
For example, I remember when I was a boy my grand-mother who is a ESTJ would hug me, I always felt a certain strong warmth in her hugs, althought generaly she being a ESTJ, was a very cold and practical person.
Its literary a physical heat and warmth, felt with the body, not just the psyche. With that kind of affection I feel it is too much and I don't feel comfortable with it, althought I myself use it toward other people.

As humans we do a lot of our communicating through body language

 

[Nixie]

ENFJs have Fe-Ni-Se-Ti. Their thinking function is the last, and they don't have any problems identifying and voicing out their feelings.

Or perhaps as Ni Fe types, INFJs can relate to them easier.

 

[Rcs6r]

One little letter and it screwed everything up.

Or made it better.

 

[LucyJr]

Everyone needs emotional affection - perhaps you are receiving it and don't know it.

I never thought I needed emotional affection until I was in a relationship where I didn't get it....then it was noticeable. Even now, I get emotional affection from my family and friends, and rarely crave 'romantic' or 'partner' emotional affection. This is most certainly not a female issue either- men need it as well.

I would say that there is an extreme distinction and almost no relationship between giving emotional support/affection, and needing/asking for it.

I am always giving emotional support/affection - but I find it extremely difficult asking for it, or recognizing when I need it.

My idea was that maybe women are more in need of emotional affection than men. From experience, this is certainly very true. Althought I don't know if this is a universal truth.

Another thing would be that I don't feel like I receive any emotional support from people who are less mature or equaly mature like me. Its just like a nice thing, its like a good intention, but nothing more, and honestly I don't need it. It makes me feel good to know that I have people who do in their best to care for me, but most of the support I need... I doubt anyone could help me, maybe just very few people.

A person who has been trough life quite a deal, and is really mature, it has that 'weight" about him, that "essence" that only true maturity and wisdom can bring, I would have no problem to receive emotional support from such a person, because there really is a support there, not just a childish good intention.

The only surprise is that when I was a boy or a teen the world would seem to be full of people who were mature, now those people are quite rare.

I really do appreciate good intentions. But I think, thank God, I have finaly come to the point where I got past my emotional side, and I think and act more responsable. I have a strong need to be self-reliant, not because of pride, but because I can't stand the image of being a eternal child, troubling people with my silly needs, whatever those need would be, emotional or other needs.

That's why I have learned myself to keep to myself things that are needed to be kept to myself. After all, I have to be a realist. There would come a time when I would age and nobody on this earth could give me any emotional support, just people who would be younger than me...but this is the whole thing...they wouldn't give me anything of substance, just good intentions. So what would I do then? Waiting for support? I think being adult means being self-reliant and strong.