[INFJ] Easily offended

[Anomaly]

Does anyone else here see major concern for how easily offended everyone is nowadays? Resilience and grit are being lost as is open discourse. As someone who was bullied as a kid, I have seen the pendulum swing all the way from one end to the other. I know social media has stoked the fire for sure and that harmlessly educating our kids on bullying has contributed also. Instead of dismissing, as we probably should, some of our kids complaints because maybe they were exaggerated, a lot of people validate ALL of their kids problems without proper evaluation thereby leading their kids to believe that every little complaint they have is valid. It’s done with good intentions sure, but very short sighted. I see all of this as a huge problem because the easily offended are taking offense in situations where none should have been taken. Creating problems where none existed in the first place. How do we steer society back in the right direction (settle in the middle)? Will our culture naturally find the middle? I sure hope so.

I think it is necessary to strike a balance, wherein you aren't negating the pain and emotions others experience, but you also encourage them to grow past it in time. We've all endured our share of hardships. I think we get into trouble when we start comparing pain as if the trauma one experiences is somehow less/worse because of how they've chosen to process it (many hide their pain, and some although revealing a portion, hide the worst of it so as not to burden others-- assuming you know everything about a situation is ignorant). People have the right to deal how they need to. However, the point of contention is when you witness them succumbing to bitterness or lashing out towards others (as you've alluded to: a 'woe is me'/'everyone else has it better' attitude, or justifying cruelty because others have mistreated them). Those types of people will never be contented, no matter what sources of joy can be found around them. The issue with the comparison mentality is that it is usually a very limited perspective, and abases the suffering of those around you, heightening your own.

It is a social responsibility to stand up for those being truly mistreated, but I think you're right that it has become a pervasive issue when the truth is taken as an attack, instead of a call to personal responsibility (facing the truth and dealing with it instead of ignoring it or blaming someone else for your problems).

Not many people are willing to face what they choose to do, nor are they willing to own their mistakes. Instead, they say that they've been dealt with unjustly, and misplace blame. It's a human problem. I don't think it is going to change, unfortunately.

 

[zsedftghj830]

I think it is necessary to strike a balance, wherein you aren't negating the pain and emotions others experience, but you also encourage them to grow past it in time. We've all endured our share of hardships. I think we get into trouble when we start comparing pain as if the trauma one experiences is somehow less/worse because of how they've chosen to process it (many hide their pain, and some although revealing a portion, hide the worst of it so as not to burden others-- assuming you know everything about a situation is ignorant). People have the right to deal how they need to. However, the point of contention is when you witness them succumbing to bitterness or lashing out towards others (as you've alluded to: a 'woe is me'/'everyone else has it better' attitude, or justifying cruelty because others have mistrested them). Those types of people will never be contented, no matter what sources of joy can be found around them. The issue with the comparison mentality is that it is usually a very limited perspective, and abases the suffering of those around you, heightening your own.

It is a social responsibility to stand up for those being truly mistreated, but I think you're right that it has become a pervasive issue when the truth is taken as an attack, instead of a call to personal responsibility (facing the truth and dealing with it instead of ignoring it or blaming someone else for your problems).

Not many people are willing to face what they choose to do, nor are they willing to own their mistakes. Instead, they say that they've been dealt with unjustly, and misplace blame. It's a human problem. I don't think it is going to change, unfortunately.

Yes, comparison kills, without a doubt. I agree with every little last bit of what you posted.

I think that one of the reasons and therefore possible avenues of remedy for the responsibility deflecting/extreme hyper sensitivity is social media or online interaction rather. When people are behind screens they unfortunately feel free to say the most vilest of shit to one another and I think that if human interaction were to be only limited or mostly only limited to face to face interaction, people’s attitudes would change. Kind of like in the 90’s. Early 90’s I guess, haha. That’s my earliest reference point anyway. What I’m getting at I guess is that while the internet has been used as a tool for good, we also need to recognize how it can be used for bad and reign it in. I’ve seen a better humanity and I guess I just want to see us happier again

 

[zsedftghj830]

… because when I really think about it, in my day to day life I see a lot of good and a lot of good people. That’s definitely not been my experience online though. I have to trust the real reality, not the virtual reality

 

[Anomaly]

… because when I really think about it, in my day to day life I see a lot of good and a lot of good people. That’s definitely not been my experience online though. I have to trust the real reality, not the virtual reality

Perhaps due to the minimal interactions, limited perspective, a false sense of 'knowing' due to propensity for narrowing of content (why read or ask, when one can get a splice of info and presume they now 'know'?), assumptions about tone, humor, or intentions, and the ability to send something terrible and hide behind the screen without dealing with any of the ramifications of their words.

Some of this isn't just on the internet though. It's a pattern I've noticed everywhere. Despite all of that, I would say that most people aren't actively malicious, even on the internet. Chances are, those who've said something offensive don't even realize it, unless you say something to them. People don't think of us, as much as we'd imagine they do; they have their own problems. Sometimes, it's not worth worrying about it or could be chalked up to a simple misunderstanding.

Hope you find the 'good ones', in any case.

 

[Wyote]

I have to trust the real reality, not the virtual reality

Twitter especially, is an alternate reality that is simply not sustainable.
Discerning between those invested in genuine human interaction and those not invested in it at the same level as you, is critical.

 

[zsedftghj830]

Discerning between those invested in genuine human interaction and those not invested in it at the same level as you, is critical.

Definitely this. That’s something to keep in mind, all the time

 

[zsedftghj830]

Thought I’d lighten up the thread with one of George’s lighter skits, haha.

 

[Peppermint]

I have the sense that you're glorifying the past. I don't think people are necessarily different, but certain behaviors are more socially acceptable. The perception of an absence of consequence and anonymity on the internet can make many things surface in ordinarily decent people.

 

[Linda Loo]

I think a little validation goes a long way in diffusing a potentially explosive situation. Just telling someone they have a right to feel upset and that you're willing to listen can change the conversation.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

All that social media is the current evolution of unresolved problems in society for which have been allowed to go on for so long hell even before the digital age some of it was always there simmering beneath the thin veneer of civilized society. As for stoicism that can just fuck off as it doesn't resolve problems all but rather tolerate them until something breaks down for which the usual personalities resort to booze, drugs, or worse violence.

 

[David54]

How about a little kindness. How about being concerned for how other feel about what we say..How about owning our words and apologizing if that is what's called for.
The past several years of abusive social media do not make any of it ok..

 

[Anomaly]

All that social media is the current evolution of unresolved problems in society for which have been allowed to go on for so long hell even before the digital age some of it was always there simmering beneath the thin veneer of civilized society. As for stoicism that can just fuck off as it doesn't resolve problems all but rather tolerate them until something breaks down for which the usual personalities resort to booze, drugs, or worse violence.

Stoicism isn't disowning responsibility for wrong. It is the acknowledgment that in the end you cannot control how others respond or react to you. You can only control your actions and reactions. People who misunderstand it, often use it as justification for harm, saying, "You're hurt? Well, too bad. That's your problem. You're choosing to be hurt." A proponent of stoicism doesn't negate personal responsibility for harm, but seeks to strike a balance between what you can control and what you cannot by mainining a peace of mind. You can own all of your shit, or any harm you've done by asking forgiveness, but cannot control if others forgive you. It isn't up to you, but you can own it and move on once you have, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Some people hold grudges, that is certainly their choice, but it doesn't help anyone grow, nor does it solve anything. I think what @lostinthisworld was trying to say about stoicism, is that there comes a point when it's best to just move on from people like the aforementioned because there is no amount of owning up one can do; they will always see themselves at variance to the other despite being fallible themselves. That shit gets old fast.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

I see all of this as a huge problem because the easily offended are taking offense in situations where none should have been taken.

Would you say that you're... offended, by it?

 

[zsedftghj830]

Would you say that you're... offended, by it?

I see what you did there, lol

How could I be offended by it? It’s a subjective observation I’ve made

 

[acd]

Would you say that you're... offended, by it?

 

[zsedftghj830]

Stoicism isn't disowning responsibility for wrong. It is the acknowledgment that in the end you cannot control how others respond or react to you. You can only control your actions and reactions. People who misunderstand it, often use it as justification for harm, saying, "You're hurt? Well, too bad. That's your problem. You're choosing to be hurt." A proponent of stoicism doesn't negate personal responsibility for harm, but seeks to strike a balance between what you can control and what you cannot by mainining a peace of mind. You can own all of your shit, or any harm you've done by asking forgiveness, but cannot control if others forgive you. It isn't up to you, but you can own it and move on once you have, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Some people hold grudges, that is certainly their choice, but it doesn't help anyone grow, nor does it solve anything. I think what @lostinthisworld was trying to say about stoicism, is that there comes a point when it's best to just move on from people like the aforementioned because there is no amount of owning up one can do; they will always see themselves at variance to the other despite being fallible themselves. That shit gets old fast.

Thank you for the assist @Anomaly. I always feel so bad when someone has the wrong idea about Stoicism because it is exactly as you put it. I have been made aware that there are people who misuse the term as a way to shift responsibility away from themselves which yeah, when done like that makes those people REALLY suck

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

Stoicism isn't disowning responsibility for wrong. It is the acknowledgment that in the end you cannot control how others respond or react to you. You can only control your actions and reactions. People who misunderstand it, often use it as justification for harm, saying, "You're hurt? Well, too bad. That's your problem. You're choosing to be hurt." A proponent of stoicism doesn't negate personal responsibility for harm, but seeks to strike a balance between what you can control and what you cannot by mainining a peace of mind. You can own all of your shit, or any harm you've done by asking forgiveness, but cannot control if others forgive you. It isn't up to you, but you can own it and move on once you have, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Some people hold grudges, that is certainly their choice, but it doesn't help anyone grow, nor does it solve anything. I think what @lostinthisworld was trying to say about stoicism, is that there comes a point when it's best to just move on from people like the aforementioned because there is no amount of owning up one can do; they will always see themselves at variance to the other despite being fallible themselves. That shit gets old fast.

I see it as being one of two sides of the same coin with toxic positivity as a tool of social control to make others shut up and not talk of real issues regardless of what they are coupled with individuals of low emotional capacity shutting others down.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

I see all of this as a huge problem because the easily offended are taking offense in situations where none should have been taken.

How could I be offended by it? It’s a subjective observation I’ve made

Emphasis mine.
I don't mean to badger you about it; yes there are easily offended people in the world. I'm not sure if it's much less than there was before, only that they have bigger voices now.

It could also be that people aren't more easily offended, but offended by different things than what offends you. Cultural dissonance, if you like.

 

[acd]

Sorry I can't help it but I'm curious to know what specifically prompted this thread. It's all kind of vague here. We could all be talking about different things. People are too sensitive about what these days? OP started with kids speaking out and parents backing them up when they feel they are being bullied. What would you consider an overexaggeration of bullying, @lostinthisworld ?

 

[zsedftghj830]

It’s vague on purpose, to talk about it philosophically. I don’t have a specific example for you. I just thought of the topic and thought it’d be a good discussion to have. If the vagueness makes you lose interest, I’m sorry. I do realize that makes it lose it’s appeal to some