Does someone need to work hard to earn your love? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Does someone need to work hard to earn your love?

Anita said:
Does someone need to work hard to earn your love? Or do you give it freely? Does it depend?


Were you always this way, or has this changed over the years?
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It definitely does not take hard work to "get" my love. I try to share love and kindness with everyone I meet, but at the same time I do expect it to be somewhat reciprocated. I will try to always be nice, but if you obviously don't care about me or the people around you, I won't go out of my way for you.

Romantically, I'm a total sucker.
 
I love easily. However, it can be very heard to earn my trust.
 
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what i was thinking of love was that it is either something that it is either a feeling experienced by a person as something out of their control like a gift of destiny or a choice that they make to relate to others in certain ways but @K-gal repped me that she thinks that it is both, as a gift that we choose to give to those that we love. at first i didn't understand but then thought about it more and realised it makes more sense to me than my intial ideas. as love is something that is unselfish and is not about the giver but the recipient.

i need a headache pill. my mind hurts from too much thought.
 
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I love everything and trust accordingly. I don't find either hard to do and I don't find either hard to return to someone who has betrayed either.

Of course, I trust major things only to people I know well, because I am the sort of person who likes to do everything myself. Most people do not get the opportunity to betray my trust and, so far, those who have earned the major trust seem to have treasured it enough to keep it.
 
No. It can't be earned, and it's been tried. I can't give it, either, and I've tried that, too. We were perfect, on paper. So perfect, I almost went through with it despite not feeling more than care for her. Love, to me, between me and someone, it's something that either happens or does not. It's not something I can control.
 
Anita said:
Does someone need to work hard to earn your love? Or do you give it freely? Does it depend?
Click to expand...

I guess they do, but not FOR me, per se. They've got to work for themselves to be a genuinely interesting, semi-selfless, kind, strong, intuitive, creative, curious, giving kind of person. I've met so very few, and loved them all. For them it certainly is given freely, but it takes no small amount of courage for them to be these things in a world defined by the alternative.

Anita said:
Were you always this way, or has this changed over the years?
Click to expand...

No, I think it was easier for me, when younger, to just like whomever I thought was cute. It's no longer anywhere near enough for me. Plus, as I discover more about the world and the people in it, the less optimistic I am.

Still, I'm lucky to have found love again. I'm not entirely without hope.
 
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That would surely defeat the purpose of love and undermine the concept.

Though it doesn't seem rare for INFJ's to place physical attraction above other, more thorny qualities.
 
It depends on what kind of love you are talking about. I assume you mean romantic.

With that assumption in place, the answer is no. They needn't earn it, nor could they if they tried. It is entirely dependent upon their nature and intrinsic personality and whether or not I perceive it as something I care about and want to invest in. If I don't, you will make no headway in getting me to give one iota of a shit no matter how much effort you exert. Basically, I am far more interested in who one is naturally as opposed to what they do for me strategically.
 
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