Do you think monogamy is natural?
- Thread starter MoniqueS
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Define what you mean by natural. Are humans only natural when they live in caves? Or, are we natural in today's complex world?
The science regarding monogamy is so mixed and full of unresolved controversy that definitive statements of any kind are usually refutable by counter evidence. Clearly, culture plays an important role in determining a society's ideas of monogamy. And, the more complex a society, the more likely it is that there will be a wide spectrum of opinions regarding monogamy. For one's opinion about monogamy to have any legitimacy, one should be at least somewhat familiar with the vast literature in psychology, sociology, anthropology, etc. pertaining to this subject. Otherwise, one's opinion could only be based on personal bias and emotion. Emotions about monogamy tend to be primitive.
It is an interesting subject about which one could write volumes and this, indeed, has been done.
The science regarding monogamy is so mixed and full of unresolved controversy that definitive statements of any kind are usually refutable by counter evidence. Clearly, culture plays an important role in determining a society's ideas of monogamy. And, the more complex a society, the more likely it is that there will be a wide spectrum of opinions regarding monogamy. For one's opinion about monogamy to have any legitimacy, one should be at least somewhat familiar with the vast literature in psychology, sociology, anthropology, etc. pertaining to this subject. Otherwise, one's opinion could only be based on personal bias and emotion. Emotions about monogamy tend to be primitive.
It is an interesting subject about which one could write volumes and this, indeed, has been done.
Eh. I think some people are more suited toward it than others due to their monogamy compatible needs. Some people have less need for novel stimulus/variety than others and more need for stability/continuity/depth of attachment.
I'm a big believer in choice. I think it can be sustainable if you choose to sustain it. I know people who are happy in many different types of relationships. People are forever trying to justify their way as the best way but there are ALL kinds of people. ALL kinds.
I'm a big believer in choice. I think it can be sustainable if you choose to sustain it. I know people who are happy in many different types of relationships. People are forever trying to justify their way as the best way but there are ALL kinds of people. ALL kinds.
I believe we aren't naturally monogamous. I think societal and cultural habits have strongly altered this fact. In our American society it is believed one may have his own opinions. Therefore I'd assume it's the best representation of our natural tendencies. In our country we see 50% of people in a marriage (not 50% of marriages) cheat. Additionally 50% of marriages end in a divorce. That isn't to say that some people aren't monogamous emotionally, but from this fact I'd say it's pretty safe to conclude that the majority of the population isn't monogamous sexually and many arent emotionally. People fall out of love.
However, the other 50% of marriages never ended in divorce. As for the countless marriges in other societies where monogamy is the cultural norm and in which it was unthinkable to seperate, they stayed together. So you can answer the question yourself whether you think it's sustainable.
However, the other 50% of marriages never ended in divorce. As for the countless marriges in other societies where monogamy is the cultural norm and in which it was unthinkable to seperate, they stayed together. So you can answer the question yourself whether you think it's sustainable.
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Saying something is natural tends to imply that we have no control over our "natures" so to speak and are predisposed to think and act in a particular way without the benefit of choice. It also suggests you have no choice but to give in to your natural instincts even if you don't like what your "nature" is driving you to do. It implies you have no free will.
Too often this kind of "natural" argument is used to justify cheating. If you love someone, it doesn't mean you may not find someone else attractive. Being monogamous means the person you're with is important enough to you not to compromise your relationship with. In this case, monogamy is a choice, even if it's not your 'natural" predisposition. You're choosing to focus your committment to one person rather than others or many. The whole "I just can't control myself or I just have to be with many people" argument is overdone.
Thing is, some people just don't want or can't handle the responsibility and accountability which comes with being committed to one person, so they use the "monogamy is not natural" argument to justify their infidelity or promiscuity. If you truly love and care about someone, you would want to give them all of you, not one part to them, and other parts to someone else or another set of people. Committed relationships go beyond simply fulfilling the desire to have your needs met. It values both the person and relationship and puts that first above everything else. Of course, it's understandable that if someone betrays the trust, then it may be difficult to remain committed.
Too often this kind of "natural" argument is used to justify cheating. If you love someone, it doesn't mean you may not find someone else attractive. Being monogamous means the person you're with is important enough to you not to compromise your relationship with. In this case, monogamy is a choice, even if it's not your 'natural" predisposition. You're choosing to focus your committment to one person rather than others or many. The whole "I just can't control myself or I just have to be with many people" argument is overdone.
Thing is, some people just don't want or can't handle the responsibility and accountability which comes with being committed to one person, so they use the "monogamy is not natural" argument to justify their infidelity or promiscuity. If you truly love and care about someone, you would want to give them all of you, not one part to them, and other parts to someone else or another set of people. Committed relationships go beyond simply fulfilling the desire to have your needs met. It values both the person and relationship and puts that first above everything else. Of course, it's understandable that if someone betrays the trust, then it may be difficult to remain committed.
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I think the important point here is that, as humans, we are able to think logically and exercise self control. Some of us even have a modicum of self discipline. There are many reasons why someone might choose to cheat on an SO. But, this is a choice, not an instinct. Even the most committed, monogamous person can recognize and appreciate the beauty of, and be attracted to, another person. However, that doesn't mean one has to act on it because one can choose not to. Animals we may be, but we are unique in that we can use our cognition and intelligence to guide our actions.
Biologically speaking, most animals don't have monogamous relationships. Even those that do, those that are famous for it, have been witnessed to "cheat" on their partners. The difference is, outside of a little jealous dispute if the other partner witnesses it, they don't take it as personally as we humans do; they still welcome their partners back at the end of the day.
I think this all depends on the individual (even some men), although I get the feeling for most individuals, monogamy does not feel natural.
LOL. I saw the thread topic and I immediately blurted out "NO!". I guess it really depends on the exact nature of the relationship, and what the partners are looking for. I think that USUALLY the answer is "no", but our society is structured in a way that polyamory is hard. Not only with social pressure and identity issues, but jealousy problems and social programming too. Financial security is a big one too. When people have multiple lovers, who's responsible for what costs? Who can you rely on to help you out, especially when kids come into the picture? Monogamy is a clean solution, but it doesn't really fit with human nature all that well. Sometimes it does, some people genuinely do desire profound and exclusive relationships (like I), but that's only if a suitable person for that is to be found. Otherwise, polyamory is the way to go.
- Jun 11, 2011
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[h=2]Aspects of monogamy[/h]
source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy
- Social monogamy refers to two persons/creatures who live together, have sex with each other, and cooperate in acquiring basic resources such as food, clothes, and money.
- Sexual monogamy refers to two persons/creatures who remain sexually exclusive with each other and have no outside sex partners.
- Genetic monogamy refers to two partners that only have offspring with each other.
- Marital monogamy refers to marriages of only two people.
source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy
Speaking from the (my) perspective of 2 marriages and infidelity on both sides - I have come to the conclusion it depends upon many factors.
....The flexibility of the individuals being able to stretch and grow being paramount.
....The flexibility of the individuals being able to stretch and grow being paramount.
Is it biologically natural? No, I don't think so. But the frame of reference - modern society - institutionalizes it as such. Of course, as Princess said, there are those who genuinely seek and want a monogamous relationship.
Is monogamy possible? Certainly. Emotional maturity, acceptance, and love are vital or it'll probably crumble. Gotta love yourself before that happens though (?).
Is monogamy possible? Certainly. Emotional maturity, acceptance, and love are vital or it'll probably crumble. Gotta love yourself before that happens though (?).
I think its natural to an extent, but not exactly sustainable without going against other natural impulses. Most of the time for me monogamy is easy for the 1st 6 or so months, then the chemicals fade away and it becomes a fight against my desire to move on internally and stick it out emotionally.
Sustainable? Of course- we have plenty of examples to prove this.
Natural? No, of course not, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. How many unnatural things do we do in a day? Would it be better if we were living as our ancestors did 15000 years ago?
Natural? No, of course not, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. How many unnatural things do we do in a day? Would it be better if we were living as our ancestors did 15000 years ago?
Yes to monogamy being natural: 3 indicators:
1. The proportion of young males to young females in our species is very close to 1:1 - unlike many other social mammals.
2. There is among us no obvious hierarchy of alpha males, with corresponding physical changes when that position is reached, as is the case in many other primates. (eg. male gorillas will develop a silver back when they are alpha, baboons will become more colorful, and larger ,etc.)
3. Our children are highly dependent upon parents for an extremely long time. If our children were like some animal young, and could fend for themselves shortly after birth, there would be no need for a stable parental relationship.
1. The proportion of young males to young females in our species is very close to 1:1 - unlike many other social mammals.
2. There is among us no obvious hierarchy of alpha males, with corresponding physical changes when that position is reached, as is the case in many other primates. (eg. male gorillas will develop a silver back when they are alpha, baboons will become more colorful, and larger ,etc.)
3. Our children are highly dependent upon parents for an extremely long time. If our children were like some animal young, and could fend for themselves shortly after birth, there would be no need for a stable parental relationship.
I think it's natural to be monogamous once children are born. It makes sense if you think about it as it increases the offsprings survival chances. Outside of that perhaps not as your genes also want to try and replicate as much as possible. It's actually a fascinating topic and whole books have been written on it. My favorite was The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins.