Do you stick to your deal breakers?

[Zebraf301]

Sometimes the boundaries of an INTJ need to be crossed. For instance when an INTJ is going through a rough time and s/he refuses to talk about it, they need a little push. Of course there are certain times when you try to force it you might break the bond of trust. INTJs, like all people are complicated.



Sometimes it is that simple. I once had a girlfriend whom I made clear to that I have huge trust issues. I confided in her and after everything I said, she still broke the promise she made to me. After that, I let her know that I wanted nothing more to do with her.

The INTJ's in my life are an inch wide, and a mile deep, and not to be mistaken for having boundaries that are not deeply rooted and thought out. My INTJ's are people that I have a profound respect for. Maybe it's because I have a good understanding of how they come to thier conclusions. In general, if their boudaries are questioned, it should be done with great care and compassion.

 

[Tin Man]

The INTJ's in my life are an inch wide, and a mile deep, and not to be mistaken for having boundaries that are not deeply rooted and thought out. My INTJ's are people that I have a profound respect for. Maybe it's because I have a good understanding of how they come to thier conclusions. In general, if their boudaries are questioned, it should be done with great care and compassion.

A lot of people mistake an INTJ's true boundary for simple reluctance or discomfort. I can see you're not one of those.

Do you have a sister or exact duplicate by any chance?

 

[Zebraf301]

A lot of people mistake an INTJ's true boundary for simple reluctance or discomfort. I can see you're not one of those.

Do you have a sister or exact duplicate by any chance?

I'm wondering if it's a more general Ni/J appreciation thing.

 

[Rcs6r]

Well, if I didn't they wouldn't really be deal breakers. I will overlook negative aspects of one's personality if I know them well enough though.. as long as those aspects aren't directly/extremely harmful.

 

[Chess]

If I don't stick to my dealbreakers, I might as well just get a dog and some better bedroom toys. Same thing, less drama and misery.

 

[Trifoilum]

not really. I think its more gray than that. It all depends on the place I have for someone in my life. There are many varying levels of involvement I will allow a person to have in my life. For girlfriends etc I tend to stick to my guns, but just because someone isn't what I would deem compatible doesn't mean I toss them away, I just put them on a different level in my life, instead of a girlfriend a girl can become an FWB or just a regular friend, or a business partner or something. In which case my deal breakers are completely different.

Overall it's the shade of this. Perhaps oversaturated to the point of confusion.

I have to admit I'm still dealing with this (or rather, the lack of it); for me currently it's a part of risk counting; balancing benefits and the degrees of the deal breaker.

And this is all hypothetical.
Does I get / have a lot of positive experiences / memories with the partner in question? Would I, if I still continue?
How much does the dealbreaker cost me? What does it say about him-- and me? Is it a personality flaw of mine that's the source? And if it is, do I want to change it?
How far is the trespassing? does he express an acknowledgement that what he did hurts me-- or worse? Does he act on that desire?
Has the damage been done? Can it still be mended? Will the damage last beyond? Are there compromises? Are there something both can do to lessen the damage?

But I realized this is not healthy-- I put both too much and too little responsibility over both parties; nor am I having enough strong boundaries.

 

[barbad0s]

Why would I stick to some random ass rules I randomly decided in the past to stick to, instead of taking the time to assess my current needs and desires and what I want in life which constantly changes, and assess what I really think about the situation that I am in? I'll have plenty of time to stop being fluid when I'm dead.

That being said, I suppose I do have deal breakers, it's just that I constantly re-assess them.

 

[Lit]

yes, definitely. because they are things like smoking and owning cats, both of which disgust me and i'm allergic to :/

 

[Quiet]

Why would I stick to some random ass rules I randomly decided in the past to stick to, instead of taking the time to assess my current needs and desires and what I want in life which constantly changes, and assess what I really think about the situation that I am in? I'll have plenty of time to stop being fluid when I'm dead.

That being said, I suppose I do have deal breakers, it's just that I constantly re-assess them.

Wow, that is awesomely well said. Clearly you are a genuis. I totally love you niffer