[INFJ] Do you need to have a social work or life?

[Sunnyshine]

Hello

I want to write a personal thread, with some information from my life. I really want to know if someone feel the same way about social life as me. Thank you if you have time to read

I have been through a really big crisis in my personal life the past 2 years, and it have been very difficult for me. But damn, I have grown so much and learned so much about my self through the crisis due to personal development and when I found out my personality type!

A lot of people think that I'm a social person, because I like to socialize even though I prefer my alone time. Isn't that weird since I'm an INFJ?

Anyway, in the beginning of my work life I've been working in stores where I needed to be social. I liked that, I felt that I had so much energy back then and good self-esteem.

The past 2 years have been difficult, I have had a small depression and really bad social anxiety the last year (or that's what I believed). It was so bad that I went for the first time in my life to a psychologist, and she told me that my biggest issue was my job that was my problem, it's just not a fit for me. A lot of stress, unclear expectations and I mostly work alone in front of the computer, following the rules/the law and a lot of details.

The small depression I still have and my anxiety is because I have been so burned out (!!) I couldn't focus, when someone talked to me I had a diffcult time to understand what they said, I felt like I was drunk all the time because everything was so dizzy. That's why I got anxitey when someone talked to me because I was so drained I couldn't even focus or be engage in the conversations.

I'm much better now and need to rest a lot, and hopefully I will find my way back to myself soon. I want to take a new education where I can work with care and children in kindergarten, I can be outside (I love the nature) everyday, play with the children, be a role model for the children and be creative.

To my point - I have found out that I need a more social work life and I want to work with people. Isn't it werid that my job have affected me so much, and I didn't know? As I have become an adult I don't socialize with friends the same way as when we were younger, so I have felt "alone" for so long..... even though I'm not alone!

 

[jn56uytrx]

I'm glad you are understanding yourself better and as a result leaning more into your personal strengths/values. When we invest more energy into what we value it does make a huge difference in quality of life.

I have gone through a similar process in my life and keep continuously recalibrating because it's so easy to get off track and do something else because it seems easier or more aligned with what the rest of the world is doing, or thinks should be done. I have been most fulfilled in life when I have listened to my own values/needs and followed them to my unique path. I hope the same for you. Trust yourself.

I hope you keep sharing about your journey to becoming the healthier stronger version of you.

 

[Sunnyshine]

Sorry for the bad sentences and few spellings that is wrong, haha. I didn't read well enough through my topic before I posted! (english is my second language also!)

 

[Sunnyshine]

I'm glad you are understanding yourself better and as a result leaning more into your personal strengths/values. When we invest more energy into what we value it does make a huge difference in quality of life.

I have gone through a similar process in my life and keep continuously recalibrating because it's so easy to get off track and do something else because it seems easier or more aligned with what the rest of the world is doing, or thinks should be done. I have been most fulfilled in life when I have listened to my own values/needs and followed them to my unique path. I hope the same for you. Trust yourself.

I hope you keep sharing about your journey to becoming the healthier stronger version of you.

Thank you for your reply! I read a lot about personal development and INFJ before I went to a psychologist. At that time I didn't now what was "wrong" and why all this things happend to me. The psychologist said that I had very much good self insight, and I had all the answers myself (but I really didn't know what was my "problem").

I'm glad you shared that you have been through a similar process, and as I learn more about my values/strengts I hope it will be much better in the future. I haven't shared to many people that I will start on a kindergarten-teacher education, and I believe I will get a lot of comments on "how on earth" I can leave my "perfect" job to start working in kindergarten. I have a job that a lot of people see as a dream position, but it's not a dream position for me. Of course I'm so grateful that my managers wanted me to have this job and I have received a lot of good experience

I will update this thread on my journey to become a stronger and healthier version of myself

 

[Roughroughmagic]

Hello



To my point - I have found out that I need a more social work life and I want to work with people. Isn't it werid that my job have affected me so much, and I didn't know? As I have become an adult I don't socialize with friends the same way as when we were younger, so I have felt "alone" for so long..... even though I'm not alone!

Hello dear, thanks for sharing your story. I could relate to it so much!

I don't think that there is anything surprising and strange about your job affecting you so much! Because just think about it - we spend most of our time at work and if what we do is not the right thing for is, it is a recipe for a disaster and misery! I'd say that it matters if job suits our natural preferences (like for example I prefer to have independent, 'all-by-myself' kind of work, when I have a list of thing that I need to complete independently and that suits my nature and preferences whereas for you, it seems that you're energised by spontaneous interactions with people, especially in some outside environment) but it's also important that we're surrounded by good people who bring the best out of us. Myself, I work as an assistant for an extremely narcissistic woman whom I don't respect at all because she's selfish, exploitative and vain and I am going through a personal crisis ATM but it gives me this inner drive to look for something else and find better workplace with nicer people.

I am just glad that you've discovered what you want and what is the best for you It's easier to work towards a specific goal if you have clarity in your mind
Best of luck for you! x

 

[Sunnyshine]

Hello dear, thanks for sharing your story. I could relate to it so much!

I don't think that there is anything surprising and strange about your job affecting you so much! Because just think about it - we spend most of our time at work and if what we do is not the right thing for is, it is a recipe for a disaster and misery! I'd say that it matters if job suits our natural preferences (like for example I prefer to have independent, 'all-by-myself' kind of work, when I have a list of thing that I need to complete independently and that suits my nature and preferences whereas for you, it seems that you're energised by spontaneous interactions with people, especially in some outside environment) but it's also important that we're surrounded by good people who bring the best out of us. Myself, I work as an assistant for an extremely narcissistic woman whom I don't respect at all because she's selfish, exploitative and vain and I am going through a personal crisis ATM but it gives me this inner drive to look for something else and find better workplace with nicer people.

I am just glad that you've discovered what you want and what is the best for you It's easier to work towards a specific goal if you have clarity in your mind
Best of luck for you! x

Hi, thank you reading through my post and for your answer

You are totally right, we spend so many hours at work so I think it's important to have a job that we really like to do. Some people are telling me "it's just a job, why do you care so much?" - maybe I'm weird but for me it cannot be "just a job" over a long time, I really need to do something that I like to do.

It's very interesting that you said that you like to have a independent, "all-by-myself" kind of work, because I can relate to that so much. I've spent so many years in the office now, and I travel a little bit because of work and these workdays I have SO much energy - perhaps because I'm doing something else than stay in the office in front of the computer. Sometimes I go out in my lunchbreak, and I just sought all the air and the light (I feel so good then).

I have always said that I want to do something on my own (be my own boss) because I actually like to be indepentend, but I get so much critic when I say that - because I think most people just think "it's a job, I get paid to live".

I love to write, and my life goal is to be a writer of books - but I never know if I can make a living for that... yet.. so that's why I want to work in kindergarten meanwhile because it's a totally different job than I have today. The only thing I like with my job is that it's very flexible - I can sometimes work from home, If I want to leave one hour earlier one day I can. It will not be like that when working in kindergarten, but I have found out that the flexible working hours it's not enough reason to stay in the job, haha.

Yes, it's so important to be surrounded by good people who see the best of us. It's not that many people who is like that (that's what I feel). I just "lost" the best colleague and person I have ever meet, since she got another job offer external. She is very extroverted, so much positive energy, she is seeing the best in me, we have had A LOT of good discussions because she LOVE persoanlities, why people act as they do, personal growth etc. She is a little bit older than me, but my colleagues always forget how young I am - I feel like a old soul She was very interested in me when we started working together because I was VERY private, always positive ( she actually asked me "do you have feelings? You are always so positive.. when the truth is that I feel like my head is a headstorm and I have so many feelings all the time), and she felt like I was a mystery (first I didn't know why she said such things because I didn't always feel like that, but when I later found out I'm an INFJ it all made sense, and I have thought about this a lot). I will probably never meet many people as her, and that hurts my soul (I don't even know why).

I really hope that you will find a better job, with a good managers that want the best for you! I don't think it's healthy to work for an extremely narcisstic woman (omg! I couldn't have handled that at all). I hope you will find another workplace, with good colleagues and nice people. I think most people are nice, but not everyone is... I think it's important that you see that your workplace also can be one of the reasons of your personal crisis, but I hope you will feel better when you are starting to look for something better! I wish you all the best!