Do you follow rules of "social etiquette"? | INFJ Forum

Do you follow rules of "social etiquette"?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Gaze, May 30, 2010.

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  1. Gaze

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    Do you follow rules of social etiquette? Why or why not?



    What are some pros and cons of following such rules?
     
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  2. IndigoSensor

    IndigoSensor Product Obtained
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    I follow them quite strictly, and almost never bend them. If I do bend them, no one else will see them. I don't like to admit it, but I can not deny that I am very tightly bound to social rules, and I can not break them. It is sort of a rebound effect from not having any social cues as a child (I simply did not see or understand them). I feel absoutly terribly if I can't hold onto social eiquette, and I also try to make others I am interacting with hold onto it as well. I feel very unconfortable and out of place if I don't do this. If I can't I will often leave the situation, room, place, ect.
     
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  3. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    sometimes no, mostly yes
     
  4. TinyBubbles

    TinyBubbles anarchist

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    what do you define as social ettiquite?
     
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  5. That Girl

    That Girl Do you have my answers?
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    I'd have to know this before answering the question.
     
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  6. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    In real life - yes, at all times. When I want to amuse myself I'll do something slightly old-world or debonaire - but very rarely.

    Online - seldom.
     
  7. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    I'll only follow rules if the people I am with care about them. There are particular rules that I have a hard time breaking, like taking my clothes off (yes, this is a real issue for me- you don't know how many situations I am in where people, the guys at least, take their clothes off).
     
  8. Tactical Panda

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    Western - I suppose so, except for the pub culture part; Eastern - not very well, but I'm acceptable. Following the rules makes most people feel comfortable; breaking the rules gives you opportunities to let you look after people that others look down on.
    :m092:
     
  9. Skoffin

    Skoffin <font color=#00EE99>She Whose Name We Do Not Speak

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    For the most part I will follow the guidelines of etiquette, however I will not follow ones I see as unfair or if I decide the situation does not warrant it.
     
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  10. IntrovertZone

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    I think so..

    I do follow the usual etiquette rules as far as good manners, and the structure/rules there are a big help to me since I'm often the last one to notice informal conventions that others around me may observe. But - many people may think I don't follow etiquette since I don't attend every wedding, shower, party, whatever, they manage to think up. I'm considerate, of course, and always RSVP no, if it was an individual invitation, but I think for some people around me enough is never enough!
     
  11. OP
    Gaze

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    It would be rules of manners, courtesy, civility, or informal or sometimes formal rules of social engagment.
     
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  12. tovlo

    tovlo Well-known member

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    Kind of.

    I'm often clueless they even exist.

    If I'm aware, I usually very quickly dive right past the surface expectation to the inner place that would give rise to that manifestation of social etiquette.

    If I feel that inner place, the manifestation will flow and I'll allow it to be shaped by the surface etiquette expectation as long as it doesn't begin to reshape the experience so much it no longer feels like my honest expression.

    If the situation I'm in is important and I sense this manifestation of etiquette is important for acceptance, then I may introspect and see if I can activate that inner place so the behavior will flow from it.

    I'm pretty resistant to putting on a cloak of expected behavior without a matching internal state to support it.

    The pros to the rules for me are that they are often a surface expression of an inner state of caring and compassion for the comfort of those you are in contact with.

    The cons to the rules for me are that they are often disengaged from that inner state and simply become hoops people are expected to jump through to meet social expectation.
     
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    #12 tovlo, May 30, 2010
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
  13. OP
    Gaze

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    Agree. It's hard to put on a "face" which doesn't fit my internal state. Sometimes, when I know I should smile and play along, I can't.
     
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  14. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I dislike undressing or being only partly dressed in front of others - no matter how many cumulative hours I have spent in change-rooms or playing sport through my life, I don't like it and I don't get used to it.
     
  15. arbygil

    arbygil Passing through

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    As long as the rules of social etiquette are the ones I'm used to, then yes. But certain groups have their own etiquette rules (different social contracts depending on the group) and those types of rules drive me nuts because those rules are unknown and tend to be unknowable. You only know you've committed a faux pas when the room (or your group) suddenly becomes deathly quiet, or they titter embarrassingly for you.

    Those are the situations I do not like.

    One of those situations happened with me in the United States, though, but it was a culture of people that I seriously did not understand going in, but I had to work with them. Man, was that a painful two years.
     
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  16. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I believe the ettiquette they were following is called "den of bitches" from what you described.
     
  17. OP
    Gaze

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    Agree. I'd rather someone tell me what i'm getting into than have me embarrass myself (but who wouldn't) than have everyone stare at you when you break a rule unintentionally. People would rather see someone commit a "faux pas" and feel embarrassed than tell them about the rules beforehand. The assumption is "you should know better" as if the social rules are the same everywhere in all circumstances. As humans, we tend to assume a lot, don't we? hmm.
     
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  18. Skathac

    Skathac <font color=#27A601>Community Member</font>

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    Well nobody ever gave me a damn rulebook. As such yeah you gotta feel out each and every individual and group. I can have a pretty damn dark sense of humor depending on my mood and I've gotten looks like I was the most horrible person on the planet due to some of my jokes. Most of the times its just a comment on a situation trying to reflect just how stupid the cause was or how sensationalist our media has become. So sometimes I choose to be vanilla and not step on superman's cape...other times I rip the damn thing off cause I really don't care.
     
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  19. On my own path

    On my own path Community Member

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    Yes, I do, but there are generally speaking my own set of "rules" regarding social etiquette. I care a lot about how I end up making others feel; regardless of the environment, so I try to follow these "rules" at all times applicable and possible
     
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  20. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    sometimes... when it doesn't bother me to play nice, be nice, or both. >____>

    I'd like to avoid certain problem when I can. When I don't feel like it, I usually stay away from that occurrence altogether (like...say. Gossiping. BAD THING. When I feel like it, I can join or even provide one of my own. Otherwise it's better to listen. When I don't feel like it. I stay away.)

    Even when the rules aren't worthy to be followed, I want to offend as few people as possible... because it's all about the people.
     
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    #20 Trifoilum, May 30, 2010
    Last edited: May 30, 2010
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