The first step to being a narcissist is denial rooted by an insecurity. I think they do think they are superior to other people because they are insecure and stupid. They aren't usually ignorant just willfully an arse. They like the attention.
Do Narcissists know what they are?
- Thread starter Aluni
- Start date
I was just writing a post about this and abandoned it until I saw this. I think you did the right thing.
I don't think in work situations it is very wise to let them know that 'you know' because they will hate you for knowing and it will make your life hell for no reason. As manipulative as they are, they are actually easy to manipulate. They will be pleasant to you if you just reflect back what they need to see about themselves and don't get too close. Treat them with kindness, don't try to analyze or get close to them and move on with your life. It's not worth the drain to your energy to battle these people.
Thanks. I like your analysis and ideas about how to handle this type of situation.
Eddie Hall, from the documentary Eddie: Strongman
In the following clip he speaks a bit about "Narcissm" being a "Narcisst". Pronunciation aside, this is just bit of one admitted narcissist's take on self-awareness and the benefits of narcissism as they relate to competition.
In the following clip he speaks a bit about "Narcissm" being a "Narcisst". Pronunciation aside, this is just bit of one admitted narcissist's take on self-awareness and the benefits of narcissism as they relate to competition.
I wish I could be friendly with them. It sucks. I don't like the black cloud hanging over them.
But....
1) they took the obvious fact that I take break at a different time a knock to the ego.
2) anything I say will just be gossip behind my back.
3) They have NOTHING nice to say.
4) we work in health care and they gossip about patients. I can't call them out on it because they would eat me alive, so I can't take part in that.
5) when I try to cheer them up its like they don't want it. They like being grumpy. So they can't be fixed.
Avoidance I feel, is my only option with them.
But....
1) they took the obvious fact that I take break at a different time a knock to the ego.
2) anything I say will just be gossip behind my back.
3) They have NOTHING nice to say.
4) we work in health care and they gossip about patients. I can't call them out on it because they would eat me alive, so I can't take part in that.
5) when I try to cheer them up its like they don't want it. They like being grumpy. So they can't be fixed.
Avoidance I feel, is my only option with them.
- Dec 29, 2009
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Oh dear, sorry to read that. My ex whilst not a narcissist, has some tendencies in that direction. If you want to expose a true narcissist at work to colleagues ? Pay them a ridulously over the top, and wildly incorrect compliment. They will glow as they eat it up. Some will even praise you for acknowledging their 'awesomeness'.
They will only ever have one topic of conversation - themselves. If you're having any difficulty, try to steer the conversation to that topic, and their mood usually improves rapidly. I agree with the other posts, best to avoid wherever you can.
I have had other people "Pay them a ridulously over the top, and wildly incorrect compliment". The only thing is they were not aware of the fact it was so wrong because they could not see the true beast under the mask and actually thought they were giving them a true complement. I was just sitting there like OMG barf! and thinking "do they actually accept this complement? I would feel like a piece of shit if someone thought I was this great but really a monster...." Weirdness....
- Dec 29, 2009
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- MBTI
- INFJ
Sorry I was being a bit mischevious, but it's just something I've observed. Most of us are uncomfortable about getting complements, especially publicly, even when they are well deserved. Narcissist's don't have that problem lol. They lap them up without pause in my experience. I think the "one track mind" approach, they have is the really big give away, everything, literally everything, has to be about them. I realise we all have an element of self interest but with a narcissist it goes way past any normal behavior. They usually have a staggering sense of entitlement and self importance.
It's their achillies heel too though, in that it can be an easy way to side track them if they are causing you difficulty. I don't say that to be sneaky or underhand. Too often they seem to reach positions of seniority and if they aren't "managed carefully" their giant ego can cause others a lot of harm. I think @Kgal post is the sad truth, they often end up being very isolated, as most people just can't tolerate them.
Well, the covert is just generally negative about everything. In fact I can't remember the last time she ever said anything nice or positive. If something nice is said about anyone else she will find something negative to say about it. She will actually ask for "well done" cards (people hand them out at work if you go above and beyond, its kind of preschool if you ask me) anyway.... She will ask people to write them out for her... and blow up behind closed doors if they don't. She will also have blow ups and melt downs if her work is critiqued. The boss was afraid of her. Her hobbies are listening to the scanner and gossip. She also had a terrible childhood and blames everything on that. I've caught her reading patient charts I can only imagine for the gossip. Her Facebook page is nothing but inspirational memes. They are a laugh because its pretty much the opposite of her thinking.
The Manipulative is just an absolute evil person, but you won't figure that out until you've known her for a while. She's a master of the silent treatment (she would often use this on our boss so she could get her way because it would drive her crazy. So she was vicariously running the department) gas lighting and also has very little nice to say about anyone. Everyone is "unintelligent" and so below her. She also knows everyone and break would consist of them sitting there and bad mouthing everyone who walks through the door. She will be the first to take on extra responsibility so she can control everything by being so important and not letting anyone else learn anything. Because no one would ever be able to do it right anyway. They act like they are in middle school but late 50 something. Overgrown school yard bullies! Good Lord! I could go on and on..... Yuck, I feel icky talking about it!
WonkyOracle
Permanent Fixture
Knew I had a Narc book laying around somewhere. It's by no means the final word on Narcissism, you could even file it under '' pop psychology '' as it gives you a good portrait of what a narc is and how they move/think without getting into the nuts and bolts.
Decent book, but like I said there are far more sophisticated offerings.
I'm curious what your interactions were like before the rumors, the gang formation, and intimidation. Sounds like the guy initially liked you, but might have felt rejected if he ever tried to make an approach. Feeling insecure, he may have immaturely resorted to launching a smear campaign against you.
I don't necessarily think they all know. Not to equate a disorder with a personality trait, but do all Introverts or Extraverts know what they are? I also wonder would the ones who do embrace their narcissism would do so if they actually knew it was a disorder, not something to brag about.
That last sentence needs to read:
I also wonder would the ones who do embrace their narcissism still do so if they actually knew it was a disorder, not something to brag about.
I have studied Narcs for a few months now.
I think they know in the sense that they see a pattern that they cant keep people around friends or lovers. they will aways have newish friends or romances. they wil wonder why they cant keep them or why people just up and leave. the answer is they are NARCs and they put everyone through emotional abuse and enter and exit the lives the victim aka SUPPY at will. until the victim goes no contact aka INFJ door slam.
Narcs are VERY bad and beyond treatment BUT seriously these people are INFJ poison!!!! INFJ empathy will make you think you can help or that you can love them beyond this disorder. BUT YOU CAN NOT ....they will hurt and hurt and hurt you....
its honestly best if your an INFJ to think of NARCs as not even human....they are not really people they are NARCs. and you got cut them out like a boil. there is soooo much you need to study if you want to know about NARCs but basically if you think your friend or partner is a narc look for this
Ideal......devalue......discard
that cycle will repeat over and over and over.
coverts are the worst, they will destroy your very soul
these people have no empathy
There are lots of resources online but the really sad thing is with a covert narc ...you will know when its too late. And by too late I mean you will be very damaged, from the abuse more than likely you will have PTSD symptoms, you will be trauma bonded to the NARC, and it truly is a addiction. And should be treated as such ...for the victim.
in a nut shell I would say coverts are like flipped NARCs, if you never feel safe and secure (after the love bombing is over) than its prob a covert narc.
they will say they are not needy....but they are.
they say they tell the truth ....but they lie.
They drip feed truth all day...
they are in your life than gone ....than back and expect you to be ok....if NOT you are a weak man, or needy.
its a one way street... its all about them
they say they dont want to be the center of attention but they LOVE to talk about themselves.
they will go to others to for advice support love whatever anyone but you! because this hurts you and keeps in knowing that YOU are replaceable.....they will make sure you know this.
they will manage your expectations.
I found this online and it rings true for the one I deal with....
We all have come in contact with the flamboyant narcissist. Their self-absorption can’t be mistaken. But there is also the covert narcissist, who is not so easy to decipher. They are equally as self-absorbed as the outward version and equally as destructive in relationships.
Narcissistic personality disorder is created in one of two ways in childhood. Either the child is given too much attention or not enough. This leaves a large void as they enter adulthood. Their never-satisfied “taker” stance becomes the perfect magnet for the unknowing “giver” personality. Narcissists will attempt to find someone who will give them the attention they either had or lacked as children, putting others at an emotional deficit.
Narcissists will exhibit these five signs:
1. False Humility
This is actually a form of pride but will be shown in a self-deprecating way. Narcissists will play the victim and put themselves down so that they bait you into complimenting them. They will say they are doing things because they want to, but they are approval-seeking. They are concerned about themselves and are not truly humble.
Their goal is to let you know they are important and seek high status positions. Yet they disguise themselves in humility — which isn’t anything like an inner humble character of one who puts others before themselves. Their goal is to make sure they are stroked for their efforts.
2. Lack of Empathy
Narcissists will ignore any valid concerns you may have. They will choose to follow their agenda in every circumstance because they have are selfish. They don’t want to learn compassion and want to stay isolated and withdrawn. They will ignore you when you aren’t feeling well but want to be doted on when they are not well. There is no meeting halfway since they only want to be served, not to serve.
3. Immature Responses
Narcissists are highly sensitive and take offense at simple criticisms. They magnify a perceived or real offense more than it deserves. They are not able to dialogue but deflect blame onto others for their reactions.
They attempt to cover their anger by pretending things don’t bother them, yet their nonverbal body language shows anger even though they don’t admit it. They can become passive-aggressive in their responses and not follow through with actions.
4. Simplification of Others’ Needs
Narcissists will minimize the needs of the people around them. They will not explore the details of a particular situation because they don’t deem it worthy of their time. They will label people and deflect blame onto them instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. They reduce complex issues to simple ones in order to brush them aside as stupid or useless. They don’t want to be bothered with facts or logic, only their own limited scope of what is important so as not to invest their time or energy in anything contrary to their personal agenda.
5. Unable to Listen
Narcissists tend to “shoot from the hip” with quick advice and not ask questions during conversations, but instead shut down dialogue so they do the minimum amount. They do not want to expend any energy toward relationships. They don’t care about what you have to say because they want to follow what is best for them regardless of what you are sharing. In the end, they don’t care enough to listen to you.
Obviously, not all quiet or shy people are covert narcissists. But keep these signs in mind. Covert narcissists are not as benign as they seem and can cause you much distress.
i think i have read that they don´t have a self. that they have a false self. how is one self-aware when one doesn´t have a self ( i will have to ponder on that one ) ? and that they see others as mirrors to ( subconsciously ? on their part ) manipulate, that the other person becomes a reflection and the narcissist behaves in ways that the other reflects positive things back to them. i have read that some are aware of being narcissists but what seemed problematic was self reflection. if one doesn´t have a self or one has a false self what does one look at to be self aware ?
Happy Phantom
Well-known member
This. I think most do know something isn't right with them but they continue to torture those closest to them, or those who put up with it. The best thing to is ignore them, walk away and don't look back.