Do Narcissists know what they are?

[Aluni]

Do Narcissists know what they are or do they just really think they are better than everyone else?
I work with a manipulative narcissist and a covert narcissist. They are the most horrible people I have EVER MET! I just wonder if they are even aware of how nasty they are?

 

[Littlelissa]

Do Narcissists know what they are or do they just really think they are better than everyone else?
I work with a manipulative narcissist and a covert narcissist. They are the most horrible people I have EVER MET! I just wonder if they are even aware of how nasty they are?

Probably yes but they don't give a shit because they think they're great.

 

[Kgal]

No. They are so egoistic they cannot see true reactions from those around them.
They only see what they want to see.

My Mom was a Narcissist. One time I sat and had a conversation with my therapist counselor about Narcissism and the mental disorder in general. He told me that is one of a handful of disorders considered by Psychologists and Licensed Professional Counselors as Untreatable. He said the Narcissist will not take responsibility for their hurtful or harmful actions and push it all off on others.
From what I've seen even though I forgave my Mom towards the end of her life and had good "person to person" talks with her....she never forgave anyone whom she thought had done her wrong....which was every one. She never changed. She was a queen...and by god you better treat her like one or she shut you out. The only people around her - other than my sister and myself - were ones who needed her money. She died a miserable death - in pain both mentally and physically - and friendless.
I'm 60 yo...and that's one of the saddest lives I've ever seen.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Do Narcissists know what they are or do they just really think they are better than everyone else?
I work with a manipulative narcissist and a covert narcissist. They are the most horrible people I have EVER MET! I just wonder if they are even aware of how nasty they are?

Everyone is a narcissist to some degree, a mostly non-aware selfish self-love and love of being loved is implicit in virtually every interaction.

Pathological narcissists are seldom self aware, because their sense of self is so externalised, that what they consider to be themselves is practically identical with other people's opinion of them.

It's kind of understandable that they try to extract a good, beloved, and admired opinion of themselves from others, because it is virtually the only way they can think highly of themselves. Similarly, to get rid of negative traits in themselves, narcissists go about suppressing negative opinions about themselves in others.

That said, I have both contempt and a sense of obligation to make allowances for narcissists.

 

[Sriracha]

I think the term is used too loosely on a bell curve. It should be used to imply extreme cases ... as in Personality Disorders.

 

[invisible]

They may be Narcissists, but they're not necessarily "stupid". So yes, I think they are fully capable of knowing that they are Narcissists. But I think that they think it's just another thing about them that makes them better than other people.

 

[Vicarious]

Judging from what I know of psychology and personality disorders and my own experiences with NPD people (my mother especially), if one is self-aware enough to acknowledge being a narcissist, then they most likely do not have NPD.

Some people are just selfish and conceited and they know this and acknowledge it, but don't care...this is not the same as having NPD.

 

[invisible]

Judging from what I know of psychology and personality disorders and my own experiences with NPD people (my mother especially), if one is self-aware enough to acknowledge being a narcissist, then they most likely do not have NPD.

Some people are just selfish and conceited and they know this and acknowledge it, but don't care...this is not the same as having NPD.

Just acknowledging what you wrote, and clarifying that what I wrote was not about people who are selfish and conceited but do not have NPD, but about people who have NPD, especially people who have received a diagnosis of NPD. But this is just my own opinion.

 

[invisible]

While we're talking about the difference between people who have NPD and people who don't, I think we should also keep in mind that NPD is not an actual tangible thing that exists within the person. It's not like an extra human organ that they are born with, that has an absolutely regular anatomy and function that is more or less identical between people. It's a way of describing a pervasive pattern of behaviours or qualities, that may not manifest identically in different people.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Judging from what I know of psychology and personality disorders and my own experiences with NPD people (my mother especially), if one is self-aware enough to acknowledge being a narcissist, then they most likely do not have NPD.

Some people are just selfish and conceited and they know this and acknowledge it, but don't care...this is not the same as having NPD.

I agree.

Would you say that the fundamental issue is actually a near lack of self awareness, and that the narcissistic traits are consequent to it?

 

[invisible]

Psychology Today: Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

Their results across the three studies are strikingly consistent. Unsurprisingly, they found that narcissists do think they are hot stuff. Those scoring high in narcissism measures tended to rate themselves as more intelligent, physically attractive, likeable, and funny than others. Interestingly, they also rated themselves as having higher levels of negative aspects of narcissism, such as being power-oriented, impulsive, arrogant, and prone to exaggerate their abilities. In other words, narcissists are aware that they are narcissists.

There was also a strong positive correlation between narcissism and having a reputation for narcissism: These individuals were definitely perceived as narcissists, even though other people didn't think the narcissists were nearly as great as the narcissists thought they were. And the narcissists were well aware of their reputation: When asked how others perceived them on the positive traits, their results were closer to how they were actually perceived than their own self-perceptions of the very same traits.

These results suggest that narcissists do indeed have self-awareness of themselves and that they know their reputation.

 

[Wyote]

Psychology Today: Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

 

[Wyote]

Spoiler: Update

 

[Vicarious]

I agree.

Would you say that the fundamental issue is actually a near lack of self awareness, and that the narcissistic traits are consequent to it?

Yes, I would agree with that...at least in my experience with my mother. Like @Kgal mentioned in her post, most refuse to acknowledge or take any responsibility for their actions and will deflect the blame onto others. She was absolutely spot on with that assessment.

 

[Scientia]

@Aluni , in situations with work colleagues like this, I always assume they are aware that they know what they are doing. I don't try to analyze them because that would require more contact than I want with them. I get to know them well enough to put them in the "discard" pile and avoid them.

 

[Aluni]

@Aluni , in situations with work colleagues like this, I always assume they are aware that they know what they are doing. I don't try to analyze them because that would require more contact than I want with them. I get to know them well enough to put them in the "discard" pile and avoid them.

So right! I have done this over time..... We used to take break but I had to stop because of the nasty things they would say about everyone! It was bringing me way down! I have been in trouble because they made my boss (at the time) feel like it was I who was the bad guy for keeping clear of them. I have a new boss now and he knows what they are and told me to "wear it as a badge of honor when bad people don't like you." So I hope he won't get sucked into the game they play.
I think they hate me because I know what they are....

 

[CindyLou]

@Aluni , in situations with work colleagues like this, I always assume they are aware that they know what they are doing. I don't try to analyze them because that would require more contact than I want with them. I get to know them well enough to put them in the "discard" pile and avoid them.

This is great life advice for anyone FYI. Not even worth the energy to analyze.

 

[WonkyOracle]

I think the term is used too loosely on a bell curve. It should be use to imply extreme cases ... as in Personality Disorders.

Yes, I would agree with that...at least in my experience with my mother. Like @Kgal mentioned in her post, most refuse to acknowledge or take any responsibility for their actions and will deflect the blame onto others. She was absolutely spot on with that assessment.

If I had the means to share 1000 Likes for both posts, I'd share them.

Very well said.

 

[invisible]

What do others think about the importance of "getting along in the workplace"?

I work with a man who started rumours about me, formed a gang against me, intimidated me physically, told a colleague he wanted to have sex with me, etc. I complained to managers, but basically, they did not care. I took a year off from the workplace to study, and when I came back I decided to get along with him, always be friendly and polite no matter what, even a little bit of chat. Treat him no different from anyone else at work. It has definitely made being in the workplace a lot easier. He doesn't bother me at all anymore.

What do others think of my story?

 

[CindyLou]

What do others think about the importance of "getting along in the workplace"?

I work with a man who started rumours about me, formed a gang against me, intimidated me physically, told a colleague he wanted to have sex with me, etc. I complained to managers, but basically, they did not care. I took a year off from the workplace to study, and when I came back I decided to get along with him, always be friendly and polite no matter what, even a little bit of chat. Treat him no different from anyone else at work. It has definitely made being in the workplace a lot easier. He doesn't bother me at all anymore.

What do others think of my story?

I was just writing a post about this and abandoned it until I saw this. I think you did the right thing.

I don't think in work situations it is very wise to let them know that 'you know' because they will hate you for knowing and it will make your life hell for no reason. As manipulative as they are, they are actually easy to manipulate. They will be pleasant to you if you just reflect back what they need to see about themselves and don't get too close. Treat them with kindness, don't try to analyze or get close to them and move on with your life. It's not worth the drain to your energy to battle these people.